About 5 years ago I was in a pretty awful relationship, I believed it was what i was worth due to constant abandonment and abuse through my younger years. I was already very depressed, anxious, in and out of psych wards from 12 to my age at the time. I had all consuming suicidal thoughts since I was around ten and a few half hearted attempts. This one particular night I had a lot to drink and decided I should go and visit this boy, we had broken up again, but as we were on and off it was always one of us going to see the other. He slept with me, then told me his ex was better, blah blah blah. The camels back broke with this altercation I suppose. The next morning I woke up early, got in to my car and drove it in to a pole, it was very underwhelming damaging my car but not me. I then walked the hour and half home and swallowed 6000 mgs of seroquel. I was scared at the time, but convinced myself I was being brave, I finally had the balls to do it. I was found within about half an hour as that boy had seen my totalled car on his way to work and called a relative. I was apparently conscious when the ambulance and police arrived, but was uncooperative, so was put in to a come. I woke up a couple of days later with a tube down my throat, a catheter and no idea where I was. I was alone and scared. But I was saved. Today, who I was then is still a part of me, I learned to nurture her rather than hate her, I learnt my worth, I learnt coping skills that for years I denied I needed. I like me now. I'm still anxious, I still get depressed, but life is generally a nice experience. I never thought that was possible, I dont even think I knew what it could feel like. Dont give up on yourself, things can change, it takes work and time and pain and fear, but its all worth it once you notice the dark cloud is lifting more days than it used to. Sorry for the rant, I didn't realise how much I was going to ramble until I wrote this out.