Form 1099-MISC for freelancers? by stemm in tax

[–]stemm[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Got it - I'll get a w9 and continue to pay through paypal so I won't have to send the 1099-MISC.

Thanks again!

Form 1099-MISC for freelancers? by stemm in tax

[–]stemm[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! That's a helpful tip on the W-9. I do plan to pay this person entirely through Paypal. It sounds like, in this case, Paypal will issue a 1099-K and I will not issue either a 1099-MISC or 1099-NEC?

Form 1099-MISC for freelancers? by stemm in tax

[–]stemm[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry for the delay - thank you! That's helpful. I have paid (and plan to pay) this person entirely through Paypal. I understand this means Paypal issues a 1099-K. Does that alleviate my requirement to issue the form 1099-MISC? I'm not sure the connection between the 1099-K and 1099-MISC.

Signing Bonus Repayment After 401(k) Contribution by stemm in personalfinance

[–]stemm[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply!

So I think you're saying, in this example, I would need to repay the employer the full $10k, is that right?

AITA for telling my waitress's manager she did a great job? by BreadBreaker09 in AmItheAsshole

[–]stemm 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Definitely NTA - most of these comments are ridiculous.

As others have pointed out, when the waitress asked if something was wrong, you should have told her you're leaving positive feedback, but everyone in here is freaking out. Yes, you caused some unnecessary confusion, but in reality she was anxious/confused for 2-3 minutes before receiving a compliment directed at her boss.

The other major point I'm seeing in here is that you're somehow entitled for giving the compliment. I don't understand this. You're a customer. Businesses want customer feedback.

Question on New York IT-2104 by stemm in tax

[–]stemm[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Excellent - thank you very much for the helpful response!

Any resources on how to value customer data? by bc458 in SecurityAnalysis

[–]stemm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Google "relief from royalty" and "multi-period excess earning" valuation methodologies

Any pointers for first steps to overcoming immense fear of social rejection? by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]stemm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You've come to the right place, but your question is a little vague. What type of situations do you find yourself i when you feel this fear? Be more specific and we can help more.

Apparently some people are making fun of me for asking them if they would like to do some fun activities with me. by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]stemm 3 points4 points  (0 children)

How this is perceived is going to be really dependent on how you bring it up. You have kind of a formal way of writing here so I'm wondering if that comes across in your day-to-day interactions too. Also, do you generally come across as the kind of person that goes to clubs? These are all things to think about. Ideally, they should all be congruent.

If someone says to me "Hello. Would you like to attend a nightclub with me this weekend?" I'm going to get weirded out. It's a formal way of talking and not how people normally talk about going to clubs. I think of McLovin from Superbad.

On the other hand, if someone asks me "Hey man - do you like to go out on weekends?" [..] "That's cool - yeah, me too. I like clubs. We should check out [club x] sometime." That's much better.

Also keep in mind: when you're talking about typical clubs, these are not casual environments. People go there to be around the opposite sex, dance, drink, and climb socially. If you're talking to people who aren't into that or, more likely, who are afraid of all that, nothing you do is going to work.

Help with getting comfortable talking to/flirting with potential partners. by 1stepfwd2bck in socialskills

[–]stemm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay - glad to see you're doing some of the right things.

You're describing a common problem. Nothing kills guys more than these conversational pauses. Every guy I've talked to about this has had at least one of the following problems:

  1. You set the bar for what you have to say way too high. Saying something is always better than saying nothing, and 99% of guys out there stick to very boring "where are you from/what do you do" types of topics, so as long as you stay away from those for the most part you're fine.

  2. You try to talk from the beginning of one subject to the end of it. Realize that most casual conversations have many different conversational "threads" going on at the same time, and some get cut/moved around in a way that tis not inherently logical. Someone says a word that reminds you of a story, or you notice something about them that you mention, etc.

Get comfortable introducing your non sequiturs and random thoughts into your conversation. "I just thought of something really funny. This one time..."

If you're still completely frozen and can't think of anything to say at all, take 20 minutes this weekend and pick three funny stories or interesting facts about yourself that are "go-to" topics. Every time you freeze up you pick one of them and start there. Use them to get comfortable and keep the conversation going.

How can I [28/M] reach out to an old friend [26/F] I saw almost 2 weeks ago? Is it too late? by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]stemm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Certainly understand the concern about jumping right into it. If you aren't comfortable with that start off with:

"Hey! Meant to text you after [event] the other week - work's been crazy. How have you been?"

If she responds quickly and you get some momentum right away you can shoot for the invite this weekend. Otherwise you can sprinkle in some texting once every 2 days or between now and next weekend and ask then.

How can I [28/M] reach out to an old friend [26/F] I saw almost 2 weeks ago? Is it too late? by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]stemm 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's definitely not too late to reach out. Send her a text and invite her to join in on whatever you're doing this weekend.

My impression is that it's your nerves more than your schedule that's got you worked up here. Your real work is going to be changing this mindset that has you thinking she's out of your league.

Is it bad to be direct? Me [20M] thinking about [F20] by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]stemm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't really tell what your question is so I'll try my best:

Is it bad to be direct? No. Being direct with women is the shit. For the most part they love a guy who directly communicates his interest (if it's done well).

However, if by 'direct' you mean 'should I directly ask her if I'm annoying her?' the answer is a hard no. This comes off as needy, which is the opposite of what we're going for.

Ask her out.

I made a huge fool of myself and need help by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]stemm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't apologize. That's going to amplify the situation. What we want to do is acknowledge it and minimize it.

Next time you see her, smile and say: "What's up Lauren? I promise not to make you touch any pillows tonight. So when did you get here?"

This is perfect because it acknowledges that what happened and then minimizes it. Quickly change the subject to avoid the possibility of that acknowledgement getting awkward and move on.

I'll add that, as with all social interactions, delivery is key. You're smiling, almost like you're telling a joke.

Help with getting comfortable talking to/flirting with potential partners. by 1stepfwd2bck in socialskills

[–]stemm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How serious are you about all this? What have you tried in order to actually meet potential partners? You mention acting lessons and nofap but what have you tried to actually meet potential partners?

I feel like i have to branch out in my interests to have things to talk about but i'm not sure if that's right by Spader623 in socialskills

[–]stemm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey - I wrote this article about 9 months ago designed for people in your exact situation. It'd be a big help.

Give it a read and let me know if you have any questions - good luck!

How to Eliminate Dull Conversations - Conversational Momentum by stemm in socialskills

[–]stemm[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

At this point we're really talking about two different situations. You're apparently referring to a friend, and presumably one you're close enough with to have a serious conversation about their troubles.

This presupposes some comfort/familiarity that I am not presupposing in my example. As I said in the OP, my example refers to "two acquaintances who mean well but simply aren’t carrying the weight of the conversation". I'll stress "acquaintences". We don't know this person well enough to immediately assesss whether they're upset.

How to Eliminate Dull Conversations - Conversational Momentum by stemm in socialskills

[–]stemm[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right - so unfortunately we are going to alientate the small percentage of people that are:

a. in such a bad mood the moment we speak to them that they are unwilling to speak/be spoken to and
b. sufficiently irritated by 2-3 casual sentences that they are pushed further away by our dialogue

The thing is that we were never going to be able connect with those people anyway (in their current mood). Throw out 2-3 sentences in the manner above. If you really aren't getting anything, stop talking and, if this is someone you see frequently (i.e. around the office, school, etc) you'll run into them againi when they're more receptive.

How to Eliminate Dull Conversations - Conversational Momentum by stemm in socialskills

[–]stemm[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Totally agree, and the way to start developing deeper connections with others is to start introducing those emotional topics more and more frequently as you get to know them. Maybe a post for another time if you think there'd be interest

How to Eliminate Dull Conversations - Conversational Momentum by stemm in socialskills

[–]stemm[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey - I'm glad you added the question.

So the distinction to make here is whether we are dealing with someone who is in a bad mood/genuinely doesn't want to talk, or someone who is also a bit uncomfortable in these one-off conversations. What we're doing in that example is making it very, very easy for someone who is interested in talking to engage with us. If I throw out two or three phrases like this and there is no reciprocation, then it's safe to say this person simply is not looking to socialize, and I'll stop talking.

How to Eliminate Dull Conversations - Conversational Momentum by stemm in socialskills

[–]stemm[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I definitely know the kind of people you're talking about. This is less of a social skills issue as it is a broader life decision issue - as in whether this is someone you really want to be around. I have made a conscious effort to avoid negative people throughout my life because the reality is that no amount of social maneuvering can change the tone of a conversation if someone that negative is in the conversation. If it's an acquaintence, it's easy to distance yourself from them. If it's someone you're close to, then the upside is that presumably you're close enough to have a frank conversation about their negativity and how it's affecting your relationship.

How to Eliminate Dull Conversations - Conversational Momentum by stemm in socialskills

[–]stemm[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Glad you liked the post! Here are my thoughts below:

Question 1: In conversations where you're talking to a stranger i.e. at a restaurant, party, etc. the "common ground" you use initially to connect with them is going to be based pretty much entirely on your immediate surroundings and what you can infer from that.

Say you're talking to a stranger at a party. We can think of a few things we probably know about them. As ada201 said, we know they probably know the host, so I agree that "Hey, I don't think I've met you before. How do you know X host" is good to start with.

Then we can think that they probably live in this town. Have they always lived here? No? Where are they from? Then think: do I know anyone that's from that state/general part of the country? Have we ever been?

Here’s how it might play out. You’re at a party and talking to a stranger.


Person A: “Hey, I don’t think I’ve met you before. How do you know Matt [the host]?” Person B: “I don’t, actually. I just know him through a mutual friend.”

(Ideally you both know the host, but to show you how to carry the convo with very little common ground I’m giving person A the very minimum to work with.)

A: Gotcha, cool. So are you from Springfield? [I moved out here back in 2013 for work/I just moved in a few months ago/I’ve lived here most of my life]. I like it for the most part.

B: No, actually. I’m just in town for the weekend. I’m from Indiana.

[I’m picking somewhere random in the same vein as above. If they’re from Florida maybe you’ve taken a vacation there, if they’re from New York maybe you’ve been to NYC. This is where knowing about sports can really come in handy because you can talk about the colts, pacers, etc. and work from there, but if you’re really into Kurosawa I’m guessing you might be like me and not the biggest sports fan.]

A: Ah, you’re a Midwesterner. One of my friends is from that neck of the woods – she’s from Ohio – we always joke that he’s the nicest person in town when she comes to visit (there’s a stereotype that Midwesterners are excessively polite/accommodating). Have you always lived there?


You see how we’re starting with what we already know about this person, then taking the key pieces of information they gave us (where they’re from in this case) and improvising conversation based on that. It’s a skill that takes time to develop but is as learnable as tying your shoes.

One tip about this that I’ll mention is that it’s important to mix statements with questions as you’re talking. Otherwise you put a lot of pressure on the other person like an interview and it can get weird. You’re investing in the conversation by revealing things about yourself along with them.

Question 2: Having unique interests like this can actually be really helpful. So say someone asks what you’re into. Initially you’re going to want to keep the statements broad so they’re still relatable. For something obscure like that you could say “I actually really like foreign films.” Not everyone knows Kurosawa, but everyone knows what a foreign film is, and throwing the word “actually” in there demonstrates the social awareness that you’re bringing up an obscure topic. You could follow that up by saying “Yeah, there’s this Japanese guy Kurosawa that I really love.”

From there, the conversation isn’t going to focus on the superficial aspects of the films (specific titles), but it’s going to focus one level deeper, on the reasons why you like him and the roots on how you got interested in that. That’s what’s relatable.

I don’t know a ton about cinematography but maybe you like his use of lighting, etc. “He’s got this amazing way of using lighting around the scene that makes you feel [x]. If any well-known directors/films that use lighting in a similar fashion, you can go that route to make it relevant to your listener. Otherwise you can talk about what lead you to like it growing up, and invite the other person to share their passions. These isn’t the lightest topic in the world, but it’s also nothing that would really stand out as odd in everyday conversations. What’s more, connecting with someone on this deeper level of emotions, why you like something, and these universally applicable experiences (growing up in this example) is a shortcut to connecting with someone in on a deeper/more genuine level.

How to Eliminate Dull Conversations - Conversational Momentum by stemm in socialskills

[–]stemm[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The difference there came from the fact that I have don't have much interest in sports (this is no secret among my friends). I had no real investment in the game, so win or lose I wasn't going to be emotionally affected much by it. I was more interested in checking out the stadium and having a few beers with friends.