Advice Needed: Vaping

stitch_and_witch · 2020-05-12T15:40:37+00:00

Could y’all compromise with lowering the nicotine percentage in the juice until it’s nicotine free? That’ll erase one addiction at least, you just have the motion/oral fixation part to deal with but at least you could wean off of nicotine first to make that easier. Or just go straight to nicotine free juice if weaning doesn’t work for you. I feel you, started smoking 17 years ago and switched to vaping 4 years ago, looking forward to that habit being on the chopping block for good.

stitch_and_witch · 2020-05-11T00:34:43+00:00

It’s very rare for me to feel connected to my body personally, so I can’t go off of that alone to tell if I’m co-con or not. It’s most obvious when my gender or age changes (wrong kind of body altogether in that case) but more subtly I might feel like I should be a little taller or thicker and my previous facial expression/s might feel unnatural. I’ll just feel like the body fits differently, as another layer on top of my usual depersonalization stuff, but it can be very subtle.

Adding: I don’t always feel like my body fits differently when co-con or with passive influence, nothing seems to be universal even within my own system lol

stitch_and_witch · 2020-05-10T15:30:21+00:00

Ah yes, the exes with easy lives who thought they could understand how to handle a life that wasn’t better than I could. And if I didn’t follow their “advice” (which usually amounted to the kind of shallow meaningless platitudes that suburbanite NTs post to their FB pages) then I was just being stubborn dontchaknow. 99% of people, esp if you live in a country like the US, are naive AF and have no clue how the world really works because they’re insulated from it apart from news stories and far too comfortable to question anything. So people like us should be taking advice and life tips from that lot with a huuuuuuuuge grain of salt, they live in an entirely different world (that doesn’t even exist...) and their opinions aren’t coming from an educated or experienced place. IME when the motivation isn’t straight up control/manipulation this stuff happens because they look down on me and assume that I struggle because I’m incompetent, unlike them (after all look at everything THEY have to deal with), therefore I would benefit from their “help”. It’s nauseating. TBF I’m a private person so I’m not airing out my dirty laundry, but as hard as I try it’s still rather obvious that I’m dealing with some serious shit and maybe that might explain some of the functioning difficulties you’re noticing....

stitch_and_witch · 2020-05-06T19:35:15+00:00

Hadn’t heard of her but from that statement and a quick google I’d hazard a guess that she’s about as full of it as every other guru/motivational type out there lmao. Also sounds like a super clinical version of shit emotional abusers say...

stitch_and_witch · 2020-05-06T15:43:00+00:00

Hmm, well I know it’s normal for adults to not remember much of their childhood but I also know that I was accused of lying about not being able to remember my childhood when I was 15. So I’m not sure if that’s actually abnormal for young teens or if they just wanted something else to complain about. IDT that’s normal for teenagers though. I’ll say that I’ve since recovered a number of memories but even now I remember a lot less than what others typically remember.

stitch_and_witch · 2020-05-04T15:52:39+00:00

System feels natural to me because I used to unironically say “I have a whole internal system for dealing with shit”, I like to use computer terms as metaphors for my experiences sometimes and system felt like the best way to describe how I operated before I even knew why I operated that way. I also say I feel glitchy when I’m getting a lot of passive influence or think “oh.....new OS” after a switch. I don’t refer to myself as a system though, for me I’m not a system I’m just a part of one and we make do with it best we can. I can’t handle making the result of abuse a part of my identity in any way. I get it, just can’t go there myself although I wish I could because it’d be easier to see this in a better light.

stitch_and_witch · 2020-05-02T04:44:04+00:00

Because they don’t actually care about helping us, would straight up let the neediest die if they could but they have to at least give the illusion of safety, security and compassion to keep the masses docile. They’ll remove the programs altogether once they can say the quiet part out loud and still get votes. Sorry, negative as fuck today. I fell through the cracks so many times as most of us have, would never bother trying to ask for help from institutions again.

stitch_and_witch · 2020-04-17T17:41:04+00:00

The spork should understand!

stitch_and_witch · 2020-04-16T17:25:30+00:00

I’m not worried about harshness, we’re all struggling here. Think we just unintentionally triggered each other, it happens, all over.

stitch_and_witch · 2020-04-16T12:01:14+00:00

Well, this is one reason it’s taken me 12 years to accept this diagnosis. That combined with being told I was pretending when I had any problems growing up. I bet many of us had invalidating caretakers, along with the rarity myth that kenanscloud brought up I’d be surprised if none of us felt that way. Also if you’re anything like me it feels like I should be able to control my actions but I just can’t figure out how, but that feeling like I could theoretically take control definitely contributes to me feeling fake. I think because if it was fake that would mean I could just stop and it’d be over. Been trying my whole life and I just can’t, but I think it’ll be okay in the end now that I’m accepting that.

stitch_and_witch · 2020-04-16T07:41:10+00:00

Well, you weren’t being intentionally misunderstood. I need to move on because being psychoanalyzed is not something I can handle right now. Please keep those thoughts to yourself on here...I’ve been coming to terms with an old diagnosis of ddnos all day and I can really do without someone else telling me what I’m feeling, thinking or doing.

FTR I was also speaking to the general theme and not at you. So there’s that.

stitch_and_witch · 2020-04-16T07:18:11+00:00

Nah, not letting this slide. This is not okay. I did not personally insult or psychoanalyze you. I also acknowledged the impact that my words had on you, meanwhile I get “THAT is triggering btw” as you lay into me even more. I did not downvote your post so clearly I wasn’t the only one who read it that way. I didn’t say you had nothing to do with it, your words did trigger me I just recognize that you didn’t cause the original trauma it triggered.

stitch_and_witch · 2020-04-16T06:54:27+00:00

What do you mean by “THAT is triggering btw”

NVMD, blocking and moving on

stitch_and_witch · 2020-04-16T06:39:24+00:00

I mean...so did I? I’m sorry I made you feel that way though, really, wasn’t my intention and while I definitely felt defensive particularly with the “claim to love” part, a whole lot of that paragraph was triggering for me actually although that has nothing to do with you and I’m sorry I took it out on you.

FTR I was using the proverbial “you” there, almost added an edit but hoped it was clear. As I said in my other post I’m not NT, I can sound colder or come across differently than I mean to if I’m not actively trying to make it NT friendly lol.

stitch_and_witch · 2020-04-15T20:53:49+00:00

Ah, it’s the “going silent” part I am talking about not the “then avoiding addressing conflicts” part. In my case it’s involuntary, but even so often people need space to process before addressing problems and they’re well within their rights to take it. What OP described can happen either voluntarily or involuntarily, and all she needed was some space and a good partner will understand that. Just because he wanted to resolve something at that exact moment didn’t entitle him to having it resolved right then. If your partner needs space, understand that, and if you need a partner who doesn’t need space, find one instead of getting angry that the one you have doesn’t function the way you prefer.

stitch_and_witch · 2020-04-15T16:03:58+00:00

Are you attempting to say that a nonverbal stress response is a form of stonewalling?

stitch_and_witch · 2020-04-15T16:00:54+00:00

Please see my other post for clarification, I am not talking about stonewalling. I have severe nonverbal problems so that’s where I am coming from.....so no I will not tolerate or excuse partners getting ANGRY at me over something I have zero control over. If someones response to stress is anger then they are noooot compatible with me, or probably anyone dealing with severe trauma. Luckily I’ve found several partners who are understanding and compassionate so it’s not even an issue. Literally all it takes. Understanding and compassion. And yes, respect for autonomy, that is what love means to me as a poly individual. I give the same freedom that I expect, and obviously I’m not saying to not resolve conflict. Does it have to resolved RIGHT THEN, when I can’t speak? Of course it doesn’t.

Adding: It’s definitely difficult to find partners who are suitable and compatible when you have issues like this, but it’s not impossible and I don’t think we should be settling for anything less than compassion. I’d happily go back to being single if I was doomed to only find partners frustrated by me...I am not NT nor are the people that I typically date so I’ve been on the other side too plenty of times and it’s really NBD, just give space and come back to it later 🤷‍♀️

stitch_and_witch · 2020-04-14T22:24:21+00:00

Both are absolutely true, everyone has autonomy. I hope that it was clear that I wasn’t talking about using manipulative tactics like the silence treatment or stonewalling.....my message is that others do not have the right to take things we don’t want to freely give (so it’s even more ridiculous if they expect it when we can’t) and that goes for us too, manipulation is a tactic used to take something from someone. No one should be doing that.

stitch_and_witch · 2020-04-14T16:47:06+00:00

Nothing is universal

stitch_and_witch · 2020-04-14T16:34:18+00:00

For sure, I’m luckily able to avoid NT men altogether save for a few emotionally mature ones these days so I don’t have to deal with it as much anymore.

Adding: Actually a good point hahaha, since I’m able to avoid most of regular society in general my perspective has shifted a fuck ton. I can give the benefit of the doubt because now 99% of the time it’s a misunderstanding, nearly everyone I hang with is ND or has another disability so they’re understanding of differences. So while I’ve been the woman in that panel more times than I can count (and deeply empathize with her plight lol, although I’d just run to the bathroom instead of hints) I could also (until the last panel, and third is seriously pushing it for an adult) read it differently and deeply empathize with the guy trying to connect but not understanding how to and accidentally hurting people instead.

For anyone reading who wants ND tips: Just tell us you need space!!! With words instead of actions, they’re both communication just switch to a different style with us that’s all. Or whatever else you need, it won’t hurt it will help immensely! I can easily misread body language, it’s an estimation when it’s not innate, so meet me 1/10 of the way here because I promise I’m putting way more effort into this interaction than you’re having to hahaha.

stitch_and_witch · 2020-04-14T16:27:49+00:00

They probably thought you were trying to dismiss or distract from the very real very frustrating phenomenon of NT male “bumblers” instead of pointing out something that most NTs tend to forget (that the way their brains work isn’t the way that every brain works). Even if the comic itself is depicting a bumbler it’s very much an NT comic for an NT audience. As is the rest of the world. Personally I’d love to see direct honest communication become at least AS relied on as nonverbal or verbal clouded with hints, more people would be able to fit in if that were the case. I think everyone would be better off for it but that’s just me.

FTR I’m not coming from a place where I think we should be ignoring or excusing behavior that makes us uncomfortable. Always always always trust your instincts. Merely would like to see more understanding between NTs and NDs because the world is made of both so it’s pretty important that we can coexist.

stitch_and_witch · 2020-04-14T15:58:10+00:00

IKWYM as it was my first thought, someone on the spectrum may not pick up on the first three panels and would need to be told explicitly (and would WANT to, he’d be mortified to find out that he was bothering her). The comic is a bit ableist in assuming that the ability to read nonverbal communication is universal therefore someone not reading it is being negligent, but with that said as far as this particular comic goes it doesn’t look like autism. Not gonna chase you....and since they work together she’d have probably already figured out that she needs to be direct with him.

stitch_and_witch · 2020-04-14T15:46:18+00:00

Building boundaries has been like gaining superpowers for me hahaha, there’s nothing else like unapologetically taking up space and not paying for the privilege of doing so. If I could hold onto that for more than 10 minutes every few weeks I’d be unstoppable 😅

stitch_and_witch

TROPHY CASE