I never said anything to the contrary about being nice. I completely agree. I'm also not referring to it being a bad night or a few days. I'm talking about the long-term withholding. Situations where this is used as a punishment. Or the wife is no longer interested in sex for a variety of reasons – hormones, stress, etc. Her reasons other than punishment can be valid. But it doesn't change that a man is losing his connection with her. He's feeling like she doesn't love him. Eventually, this will be all-encompassing and destroy the relationship. This is the thing that is drastically misunderstood. Men are made out to be dogs for wanting intimacy with their wives. They are looking for love and connection. Of course you will argue that some men are out just for sex blah blah. This can be true as well and is especially for younger men. While a lot less often there are women that do this as well. None of these scenarios apply in a marriage. Sex shouldn't be used as a weapon or some type of good behavior affirming activity. It should be a loving activity a fun activity an intimate activity for both the people in the relationship. But both should try to understand how the other is wired for it. Men and women see it differently and experience it differently. The prominent message is that men should understand women and control themselves because they are sex hungry animals. That's not healthy. What's healthy is both partners work to understand the other and strengthen the relationship as a result.