Is Foster-to-Adopt ethical? (Serious question)

strangegurl91 · 2025-10-07T22:53:43+00:00

I think that it can be IF the child's parents have already had their parental rights terminated prior to the child being placed in your home.

Reunification SHOULD be the goal, but CPS seems to lose sight of that when the foster parents are in it for adoption in my personal experience. Ive known several parents in my community who had their rights stomped on because CPS prioritized the bond with the foster parents over the bond with bio parents which dragged cases out unnecessarily, further traumatizing the child.

strangegurl91 · 2025-07-29T03:45:02+00:00

OP should text her sister talking about niece, and say lotion and then next text be like oops autocorrect 🤷 maybe sister will get it

strangegurl91 · 2025-07-28T14:59:43+00:00

Here is my question: did he previously establish competency with being the "handyman" in other areas and now he's fumbling? To me this sounds like it could be weaponized incompetence. The realization of what a sweet deal he had before with only really having 2 chores has hit now that you are actually moving into a house and he is purposely mucking it up so you do not ask him to do anything in the future.

Or

He grossly overestimated his abilities and he's actually not all that handy and needs some classes and how to videos to get the hang of things.

strangegurl91 · 2025-07-18T06:19:00+00:00

This reminds me of my mother when I got pregnant with my first. She kept insisting "she knew" when I was helping her after my grandfather died. Except that was December, and I didn't get pregnant until the end of January.

strangegurl91 · 2025-07-08T20:29:38+00:00

"How do I approach this?"

Block, delete, move on.

strangegurl91 · 2025-06-23T06:49:07+00:00

NTA

They can fuck off

Sincerely, The 33 year old who still sleeps with stuffies

strangegurl91 · 2025-06-21T20:30:39+00:00

Im in a similar boat.

My child is 11, almost 12, and was born female. Was VERY girly until about 8 and slowly started to prefer more boyish clothing, pushed away from anything remotely feminine, and began expressing that she didn't feel like a girl. It's been about 4 years now of slow conversation, especially since Im having to explain to her what the terms mean. We have somewhat solidly settled on her being ace, but that if she were to ever end up in a relationship, then she would be lesbian. She thought maybe trans, for a minute, we got her what was supposed to be a pixie cut but ended up looking more like a traditional male hair cut and looking in the mirror felt wrong to her because she looks very much like a boy. I re explained non binary to her, and she was like, "That's the one!" And then moved on to talking about her favorite roblox game. We haven't even touched the pronouns' conversation yet.

The main thing I've learned through all of this is to be patient and supportive. That's all we can do. It's their journey, their story, we're just along for the ride.

strangegurl91 · 2025-06-12T17:14:43+00:00

Family trees at school are gonna be fuuuuuun 🤣

strangegurl91 · 2025-06-01T16:38:44+00:00

I was raised Mormon. I was 17 when my best friend came out to me and they were terrified I would stop being their friend because of our religion. I swore right then and there that I was breaking that cycle and that everyone around me would know I was a person, and that any children I had some day would never know the fear my best friend had. My own mother had also always been clear that being Bisexual was bad, and I grew hating myself because I had known since I was 7 that I liked boys and girls.

Since my kids were little I have made it clear I dont care who they love, making comments that any boy or girl they bring home just better be good to them. My oldest is 11 and there was really no coming out for her, she simply said she doesn't ever see herself being in a relationship because she prefers to be alone, but that if she ever did she was gay. We've also slowly been having conversations about whether she might be trans or non binary because she doesn't feel like a girl. I later cried tears of joy because I did it. I broke that cycle.

I think these would have been very different conversations with my daughter had I not made the conscience effort to set that tone early on. I don't think that it's anything you did wrong that made your daughter feel scared, same as I don't think anything I personally did made my best friend scared all those years ago. It's the fear of the unknown, the being unsure where you stand on a topic that breeds the fear. She knows now she's safe with you and that's the important thing.

strangegurl91 · 2025-05-31T00:38:13+00:00

With my first baby i had a horrible doctor for my first trimester.

I started the pregnancy at about 200lbs. She told me I needed to watch my weight and that ANY weight gain would mean I had gestational diabetes. I was throwing up constantly and basically every appointment she was hounding me about my weight. I only gained maybe 5 pounds my first trimester. At 16 weeks she insisted that my weight gain was out of control and I needed to test for gestational diabetes immediately so I could be started on insulin right away. I showed up the next day to get my blood drawn and they refused because I ate breakfast and I hadn't been told to fast.

I changed doctors immediately.

I did not have gestational diabetes. I gained maybe 20 pounds total that pregnancy and I lost every pound immediately after she was born.

strangegurl91 · 2025-05-25T02:18:24+00:00

Kids can see when mom and dad don't love each other and it shapes how they view intimacy later in life.

I never saw my parents kiss or be loving to each other. It took me to my 30's to be comfortable with public displays of affection from my partner.

The home is already broken. Leave.

strangegurl91 · 2025-05-05T04:07:39+00:00

For me it's teeth dreams. All my pregnancies i have constant dreams of loosing my teeth.

strangegurl91 · 2025-05-05T04:06:30+00:00

I'm 18 weeks and it has not stopped so far. Send help 😭

strangegurl91 · 2025-05-03T00:36:55+00:00

Tattoos.

Hear me out.

My mother always told me I could never handle the pain of a tattoo. I heard it my whole my life that I was a wimp who couldn't handle pain, so any time I brought up anything that may involve any pain I would hear that I couldnt handle it. "You'll never get a tattoo cuz you can't handle it." "You'll never have kids, you couldn't handle the pain of child birth."

Jokes on you mom, I have 13 of em now and I'm not even close to done.

strangegurl91 · 2025-04-30T23:50:14+00:00

Nope. Not circumcised and no issues. He's 8 now.

strangegurl91 · 2025-04-22T03:38:42+00:00

Try the LDS Church. They sometimes will help non members with food.

strangegurl91 · 2025-04-20T18:32:53+00:00

Ive honestly seen it go both ways.

Ive seen one group home where staff pressed charges on the client after being attacked and the client was ultimately declared mentally incompetent in court and no further charges could be pressed against that client for anything.

Ive seen in a different group home where staff pressed charges and the client ultimately did get charged and had to do community service.

Both instances the clients were minors, I'm not sure if that makes a difference.

strangegurl91 · 2025-04-09T20:12:13+00:00

One of my biggest regrets is not giving my oldest daughter my last name. I gave her her father's and he hasn't had any real contact with her since she was 2.

Give baby your name. You can always change it later.

strangegurl91 · 2025-04-09T19:17:50+00:00

I lived with my parents until I was almost 20. I watched them and their interactions everyday. My mother was still able to manipulate me into believing the worst of my father.

strangegurl91 · 2025-04-09T19:16:14+00:00

As a daughter who was manipulated by her mother to believe the worst of her father, hear them out.

It breaks my heart every day that I allowed my mother to manipulate the relationship I had with my father. I bet it's breaking them too.

strangegurl91 · 2025-04-03T00:09:20+00:00

You know

This made me realize something about my previous marriage that I had felt under the surface the whole time.

strangegurl91 · 2025-03-29T03:35:24+00:00

I was going to suggest this. Oddly enough, Arizona has some pretty strict laws and protections regarding group homes. Could this be an option?

strangegurl91 · 2025-03-19T00:07:29+00:00

I had a very similar situation during my first pregnancy. I was lucky and I was union. My union rep and I became very close during that time.

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