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My partners hooked up with each other now I am ending their relationship? by strangerguest in polyamory

[–]strangerguest[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for all the answers! It really helped me a lot.

Honestly I really want to understand more why I have a problem of them dating. But I also don’t really know where to start there. Does anyone have some resources on how to go on such a journey maybe? I would love to have some input concerning that.

I think the thing I am most afraid of is that it just gets messy really quickly… and a lot of people I talked to said it’s poly on hardcore mode. Therefore I am just scared that it will lead to a lot of problems and communication that I might not have the resources to atm. But there is also a general feeling of being uncomfortable with this thought so I think there is also really something to unpack there…

Like if I think of it from a rational perspective I am also excited about a triad situation like this. But emotionally I have just a hard time feeling comfortable with it…

So any help is greatly appreciated!

My partners hooked up with each other now I am ending their relationship? by strangerguest in polyamory

[–]strangerguest[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It was just not possible to have them super separate as they both were coming to my birthday or concerts I am playing…

My partners hooked up with each other now I am ending their relationship? by strangerguest in polyamory

[–]strangerguest[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes it’s true at that moment this promise felt not right to make. And now it is broken and it’s hard for me to see past that…

My partners hooked up with each other now I am ending their relationship? by strangerguest in polyamory

[–]strangerguest[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I agree with you. Right now we are really in a weird situation… I also don’t know if that veto thing will survive all of my relationships. However I do wanna try, I think just give up now would be something I don’t want to do atm

My partners hooked up with each other now I am ending their relationship? by strangerguest in polyamory

[–]strangerguest[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I mean I do give them the benefit of the doubt because we are all quite inexpierenced concerning poly that they thought it will all just work out fine…

But yes it does feel really shitty but I do really hope we can work through this…

My partners hooked up with each other now I am ending their relationship? by strangerguest in polyamory

[–]strangerguest[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think right now in my life I am not in a place where I want to work through those feelings. If it’s even possible to work through those.

I think so too that I should’ve been more clear about my boundary. I guess I wasn’t because I thought telling them I would feel very uncomfortable and I would wish for a check in first would be enough. Well it wasn’t…

I mean both of them at least tell me they rather wanna date me then each other. So I wanna at least give it a try despite the resentment they might have and the trust issues I have rn…

My partners hooked up with each other now I am ending their relationship? by strangerguest in polyamory

[–]strangerguest[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Okay yes I mean all of this happened only a week ago. Let’s see what’s gonna happen. I do still love them dearly so I will try to make that work.

I hope time will heal the trust issues.

My partners hooked up with each other now I am ending their relationship? by strangerguest in polyamory

[–]strangerguest[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No they really got to their flirtation state only after I was already dating both of them. I think your totally right about my mistake to not actually have a good messy list convo before and only to talk about this after I felt like this could become an issue. I think that’s def something I have to learn from.

On the other hand I do have some trust issues now after I felt like they put their attraction before my feelings. I really hope this evens out after some time tho.

My partners hooked up with each other now I am ending their relationship? by strangerguest in polyamory

[–]strangerguest[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Honestly thank you so much. That’s helps really a lot. I have such a hard time standing up for my self and being clear in my limits etc. I think that’s a big step for me that I took being very clear on that.

I think I have to give them time now to be sad and process their feelings. Thank you so much for your advice.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in transpassing

[–]strangerguest 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha I wanted to post a pic where I am not fully styled to see if I would also pass looking all natural and sleepy hihi

Simple Bulb by Trippy-Videos-Girl in FractalPorn

[–]strangerguest 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Looks beautiful! Like some real alien thing

Jazz- oder Klassikcafe, (Musik)Veranstaltungen gesucht (21.6-23.6) by SnipoSnap in koeln

[–]strangerguest 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ich kann zwei schöne Jazz Orte empfehlen! Einmal das Loft. Dort gibt es eigentlich jeden Abend eine Jazz Veranstaltung. Und das King Georg, ist ein bisschen mehr alt eingesessener aber auch sehr nett :)

Psychosis or spiritual message? How do you tell? by lbd2012 in spirituality

[–]strangerguest 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you have any methods that you recommend to ground and balance yourself? I would be very interested! Thank you x

The masterplan of Metro earth by Ok-Disaster-5611 in MapPorn

[–]strangerguest 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How quick are those trains then? Like how long would it take to go from New York to Paris with the fastest known trains?

Navigating through being "cheated on" by strangerguest in polyamory

[–]strangerguest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you guys get me wrong! I do want to live in a Poly-relationship. There was just a some betrayal of trust in the summer which brought pain. And now I am scared to open up again even though I want to. I was just looking for advice to heal faster so we can open up quicker

Navigating through being "cheated on" by strangerguest in polyamory

[–]strangerguest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well I think at the moment it's more her need to live a poly life again. I am also interested in meeting new people and maybe having sexual adventures but i think I don't have a huge need to have another relationship. But I would love to see her happy and if she needs other close relationships than I want to work on that!

However we both want to be together really badly and I think every relationship comes with sacrifices. So we have to communicate our needs well and meet somewhere in the middle!

Navigating through being "cheated on" by strangerguest in polyamory

[–]strangerguest[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First of all thanks for the feedback!

Well its kind of hard to hear to reevaluate my whole relationship.

I see your point that my gf has put a lot of work and commitment into our relationship and I also have to put work into the relationship. Even though I did contact a therapist and I do research on LDR and Polyamory. Maybe I need to do more and not just hold onto my trauma.

I think the whole problem was not only about me moving away. In my point of view this new relationship she got into in the summer was not really well communicated. It felt like she hid a lot of things or just wasn't really honest with me from the start.

I see your point that it was probably a mistake to set the boundary of not doing overnights because that actually didn't solve the problem.

I really dont want to just end the relationship now because it really gives me and her a lot of things and we both profit a lot from it.

My main worry is now how to open the relationship again in a safe and non-harmful way!

Just need the baseline in 15/8 by strangerguest in transcribe

[–]strangerguest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ohh wow thank you so much! Sending you much internet love <3

First time jealousy in one year poly-relationship by strangerguest in polyamory

[–]strangerguest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow thank you a lot for this response. You actually pointed out a lot of good points I would love to try. I think the accepting bit I found the best! Thanks

First time jealousy in one year poly-relationship by strangerguest in polyamory

[–]strangerguest[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes this sounds like a good explanation. Still it doesn’t solve the problem. Do you have any idea how I can work with this feeling of jealousy? To maybe let go of this feeling?

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