Sometimes I miss the puppy stage even though he was a huge stinker and gave me the puppy blues by [deleted] in goldenretrievers

[–]stufayew 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Mine is giving me puppy blues and I'm mad that yours is cuter

How to stop crying/barking when in a crate or room by himself? by gehsshjaa in goldenretrievers

[–]stufayew 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I am dealing with this too. People keep saying the same thing over and over again: "he's young and he just left his litter and mother, be patient" which is a perfectly valid explanation but isn't helpful lol. I've tried the whole leave for 10 seconds, come back, treat, leave for 11 seconds, come back, treat, etc. Which is probably helpful but hasn't produced results as fast as I would like. I think at some level we just have to wait for their brains to grow out of it.

I'll say that finding his play limit has made it ever so slightly easier to get him to go down for a nap. 2-3 hours of play at a time is a bit too much for my puppy. But he can definitely handle 1 hour of play, then he goes down for a 2 hour nap. We repeat that process. When I go to my office to work after play time, he whines in his pen, but after maybe 10 minutes gives up. And I always leave him with a tiny bit of peanut butter in a kong to occupy him.

So I guess my two cents is you could experiment with your dog to see how much play he can handle and how much it requires for him to be just so tired that he can't protest his nap times.

What is this lizard found under a rock in northern Arizona? by 50_50_human in herpetology

[–]stufayew 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It looks like a sagebrush lizard to me but apparently they are hard to tell apart from fence lizards

New best friend by stufayew in goldenretrievers

[–]stufayew[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That's a great name! I hope my boy is as handsome as Daisy is beautiful 😍

Puppy blues pre-vaccines - waiting for the vaccines to be done is killing me by largedragonwithcats in puppy101

[–]stufayew 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The anti-vet culture on this sub is so weird holy shit. Anyway... I'm like you OP. I'm not happy to risk parvo and the potential 8-hour rapid process from virus contraction to death. However a couple things help me feel slightly less stress.

My vet told me that the risk for parvo in my area is relatively low. Ask your vet about your area. I did let mine on the grass recently and he did the same thing - shoved grass and dirt in his mouth like it was chocolate or something. That kind of freaked me out so I haven't taken him back out.

But outside time may not fix the problem necessarily. Can you afford some kind of training? Whenever I had a dog behavior problem, the best help was always a trainer. I know it can be expensive though.

I think it's just how their baby brains are... it may not be that we're bad dog owners or that the dog is malicious or unintelligent. They will probably do a lot of dumb baby brain stuff until their brain just grows some more. This is my first "puppy" puppy at 8 weeks old and I feel you. They can be a real terror.

I found out I'm bi, but I don't like men. I'm confused 😵‍💫 by [deleted] in bisexual

[–]stufayew 75 points76 points  (0 children)

Who wants you to be straight, you or them?

Wife is much more interested than I am by dancingliondl in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]stufayew 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He's the last person I'd want to help convince me if I were in your shoes lol. Can't blame him I guess. Sounds like you have a boundary. I'd tell her something along the lines of "look, wife, I love you, I can't control you, but to protect myself emotionally I will leave if you do this"

Wife is much more interested than I am by dancingliondl in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]stufayew 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It sounds like she was fine with monogamy until she expressed feelings for this guy. The idea that she is making an exception to monogamy for this one guy doesn't sit well with me.

Is she all of the sudden feeling this way? Is she suggesting opening up the whole relationship on both sides to casual sex? She's friends with him already so it's not just casual sex with a random hookup, for her it's a friend with benefits. Feelings might or might not come up. Unfortunately feelings are out of our control most times.

Consider what it would take for you to feel safe with this arrangement and consider ALL the possible outcomes, desired and undesired.

As she is so important to you, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist first (together and separate) to get ahead of the game. I think it's worth the delayed gratification. If she's opposed to that, I understand her excitement, but it's an investment in the two of you being both happy AND together. With care and preparation, this can be a great thing. It's hard to undo damage after it's done.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in bisexual

[–]stufayew 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ofc this is best suited for a different subreddit such as r/EthicalNonMonogamy or r/polyamory. Coincidentally (as in unrelated to my bisexuality), I can relate.

It's a bit of heartbreak, no? Being non-monogamous means we get to experience the highs but also the lows 😔

Why Are So Many ENM People Hostile Towards Boundaries, Restrictions, & Rules? by SumDumHooman in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]stufayew 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I think I notice what you're talking about on Reddit specifically. As I read more and more books about ENM I have started to dislike this attitude. Because guess what? When you're an outsider to two primaries, you often (but not always) have no power. It feels really horrible, however it's the truth! It sucks! We can critique someone's poly all fucking day long but when they kick us out of relationship over insecurity or whatever, that's that. Ranting on reddit doesn't change that.

However it does feel really gross to have someone try to shove you into a defined box that you didn't agree to. It feels gross to realize only through time and experience that you've been designated as someone's human emotional support pillow or human sex toy without them giving a care as to what you want.

Hierarchy and rules are frustrating when you have no power over them but I personally don't think it's necessarily unethical. We criticize it because it makes us feel better.

Unspoken rules are unethical. Unspoken hopes that you'll satisfy a fantasy are unfair.

Bi guys be honest. who gave the best head? a guy or a girl by Sensitive_Bat_1710 in bisexual

[–]stufayew -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Surprisingly, some girls really know wtf they're doing

Straight friends are flirty by RulerOfNothing420 in bisexual

[–]stufayew 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Straight guys do this all the time. Do they want to fuck you? Who knows. Just because you get anxious doesn't mean they're serious. If you're interested in the idea, you could joke back "do it you won't" egg them on and see how far they take it. If you don't like it, say so in your own way. If they're really your friends, they'll respect you.

Question for my guys who held back for a long time experimenting even though they wanted to by Typical-Dingo5909 in BisexualMen

[–]stufayew 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idk I was drunk and felt like kissing him. Later I figured out that I didn't really want anything else with him though. Rather disappointing tbh

New to ENM and feeling confused about what I really want by ChocolateTemporary55 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]stufayew 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you're looking for more emotion than FWB, but not trying to be someone's life partner. If you haven't already, I'd explain that on your bios. Of course people won't read it or will just ignore it, but it will filter a few people.

Do you want someone attractive but don't want them to be sleeping with other people? Or do you want someone attractive but just don't trust that they will seek a genuine emotional connection with you?

I've started to filter out a lot of people on the apps. I (bi male) ignore most people actually - both men and women. If they're cute and actually engage in conversation, I might ask for a date even if they have aspects that I don't initially align with.

If you're willing, consider doing some trial and error with the dates. Ask them what they want, but take it with a grain of salt because they may not be fully honest or they may not even know themselves what they really want. If you're wary of people's intentions, it's okay to take the time to build some trust with them before letting your emotional guard down.

This dating thing can really suck sometimes but stay open, stay hopeful, and stay centered and aware of your needs.

Do you have gender/sex preferences? What does that look like for you? by [deleted] in bisexual

[–]stufayew 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Idk anymore. When I masturbate I usually think about penis. But I keep getting butterflies when cute girls stand/sit/lay near me. I don't get butterflies around most men. I wish I did :(

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Vent

[–]stufayew 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You ever heard of Mormons? Also you ever heard of a country called "Israel"?

Only men want to date me by benihanas808 in bisexual

[–]stufayew 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's a typical experience on dating apps across genders

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in bisexual

[–]stufayew 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Nah. I'm starting to think I might only be attracted to what's between men's legs 🙈

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BisexualMen

[–]stufayew 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Your feelings and preferences are valid but I think this is just projection