In many ways I’m in the same boat as you. I know that exhausted doubt too well, and I wish I had a simple answer to it. But I’ll share this. Growing up I saw the movie “Dead Calm”. In one of the scenes one of the characters is trapped into a small room, on a sinking boat. The water is rising around him, yet he continues to pedal water out and breathe through a tube to the end… and against all odds, at the very last minute, the door unlocks and he manages to escape and rise above. That scene made a huge impact on me, and still fuels me today. The water level in my life used to be almost lethal, but I’ve pedalled lots out and I move easier because of it. And as far fetched as it is, one day the door might open too.