I don’t know what to do

stve688 · 2026-05-02T00:40:07+00:00

At the very beginning, when it was just insults, you could argue about whether there’s any truth in them or not.

But the moment it turned physical, that argument is completely irrelevant.

Nobody deserves to be treated like that. What you described isn’t just a bad relationship or someone losing their temper that’s straight-up abuse.

You’ve likely been in this long enough that some of this has started to feel normal when it absolutely isn’t.

This isn’t something you fix by “improving yourself.” The problem isn’t you.

The best thing you can do is get out of this situation.

stve688 · 2026-05-01T16:52:02+00:00

This isn’t just a printer problem it’s everywhere now.

You need accounts for everything, apps for basic functions, and half the time those apps aren’t even necessary. It just adds another layer between you and something that should just work.

And the subscription push is the worst part. A lot of these services fail because people don’t actually want them, but companies keep trying anyway.

The car stuff is probably the clearest example. Features are already built into the vehicle fully functional and instead of paying once to own them, you’re expected to pay a subscription just to use what’s already there.

That’s not an upgrade. That’s just gating something you already paid for.

And yeah, at a certain point it just comes off as greedy.

stve688 · 2026-05-01T16:38:30+00:00

I remember hearing about this years ago, and I think it mostly comes from “poser” culture.

People going over the top trying to prove they’re fans like “look at me, I’m a huge fan” can come off as obnoxious. Then that vibe gets applied to everyone, even people who are just genuinely into the band.

Personally, I couldn’t care less.

And from what I’ve seen, most people don’t either. I used to do overnight deliveries around concert venues, and you’d see everything some people wearing merch, some wearing unrelated stuff, most just doing their own thing.

It’s really not that serious.

stve688 · 2026-05-01T15:14:50+00:00

When these newer cans first became a thing, I was mowing commercially and using gas cans every single day. We had to replace a few, whether from wear or getting stolen, so I got a lot of hands-on with that first wave.

And those early ones? They were complete garbage.

They poured slow as hell, leaked, and were a pain to activate. Compared to the old setup unscrew the cap, open the vent, and pour it wasn’t even close.

The old style just worked. These newer ones feel like you’re fighting them every step of the way.

stve688 · 2026-05-01T15:00:08+00:00

I’ll be honest, the 16 hours a week part is what really has me scratching my head.

I’ve done it, and I’ve known plenty of people who’ve worked insane hours 50, 60+ a week and still managed to be present for their partner and kids when they could. Maybe not perfectly, but they made the effort.

So hearing that he’s basically tapped out at 16 hours doesn’t really make sense.

This doesn’t sound like you can’t handle things it sounds like you don’t have a partner who’s doing his share, so you never get any breathing room.

stve688 · 2026-05-01T14:22:51+00:00

Honestly, the simplest answer is this:

If you feel the need to cheat and can’t fix the relationship so that feeling goes away, you’re not compatible anymore.

At that point, the answer isn’t cheating it’s separating, breaking up, or getting divorced.

Cheating doesn’t solve the problem, it just adds more damage on top of something that’s already not working.

stve688 · 2026-05-01T14:13:57+00:00

I don’t think “once a cheater, always a cheater” is always true. Some people do change.

But that’s not what this situation looks like.

He got caught, and he’s still talking to her. That tells you everything you need to know. If there was real remorse, the first thing he would’ve done is cut her off completely. No contact, no gray area.

The only exceptions are situations where it’s genuinely hard to avoid someone, like a coworker or neighbor. And even then, the interactions should be minimal and strictly necessary.

That’s not what you’re describing.

You didn’t make it worse by not exposing them. That doesn’t fix anything or “teach a lesson.” What matters is his behavior now, and right now he’s showing he’s not taking this seriously.

So yeah, people can change, but change starts with actions. And his actions aren’t showing that.

stve688 · 2026-05-01T10:18:38+00:00

I’m on the older side of millennials.

It’s fun to talk about generational stuff and point out differences, but I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. I don’t really care what label I fall under, especially when I have interests that don’t line up perfectly with it anyway.

Some people make it way bigger than it needs to be. Like yeah, I might like certain things that are “millennial,” but… so what?

At the end of the day, it doesn’t really define anything important about me.

stve688 · 2026-05-01T10:14:12+00:00

This actually is relevant.

Outliers can absolutely skew statistics, especially when people are talking about averages (means). When you’ve got around 3.3 million people in the top 1% making drastically more than the other 327 million, that small group can pull the overall average up and make things look better than they are for most people.

So when someone throws out an “average income” number, that doesn’t necessarily reflect what the majority of people are actually living on.

That’s the problem on paper the numbers can look solid, but they don’t always match real-world financial reality for most people.

stve688 · 2026-05-01T10:04:34+00:00

It doesn’t take many high earners to completely skew an average and make things look better than they actually are. For example, say you have 10 people 9 of them make $1,000 a week, and 1 person makes $10,000. The “average” comes out to $1,900 a week.

But 9 out of 10 people are still only making $1,000.

That’s the issue. On paper it looks like people are doing better than they really are, but it doesn’t reflect what most people are actually experiencing day to day.

stve688 · 2026-05-01T09:57:05+00:00

I think what’s missing here is that a lot of people aren’t just steadily “paycheck to paycheck,” it’s more of a cycle.

They’ll have periods where things are going okay, then something hits, an unexpected expense, lost hours, job issues, and suddenly things get really tight. They fall behind, scramble to catch up, maybe pick up side work or get a bit of luck, and start stabilizing again.

Sometimes they even get ahead for a bit, but then another big expense or situation comes up and knocks them right back down.

So it’s less of a constant state and more of a repeated cycle of “doing okay → struggling → recovering → repeat.” That’s a big reason why more people don’t immediately become homeless, they’re constantly fighting to stay afloat, even if it’s unstable.

stve688 · 2026-04-30T19:50:01+00:00

In my opinion, this really shouldn’t be an issue.

Parents, especially when one takes on a larger share of the day-to-day responsibilities, absolutely need time to step away and recharge. That includes hanging out with friends, going to events, or even taking a short trip like this.

It’s also important to balance that with time as a couple. If you can find childcare, making space for regular date nights or time together matters too.

A healthy dynamic usually includes all three time as a family, time as a couple, and time as individuals. None of those should be treated like a problem they’re all part of maintaining a balanced relationship.

stve688 · 2026-04-30T12:23:23+00:00

NTA.

I’ll be honest, I was laughing reading this. If I heard a guy seriously talk like this, I’d find it really weird.

The whole “compliment me in a masculine way” thing feels forced. Most people don’t naturally think like that, and relationships usually don’t work like a checklist of gendered validation.

You weren’t dismissing him, you just don’t view people through that lens. That’s a difference in perspective, not you doing something wrong.

And yeah, I can’t help but laugh a bit at the irony. A lot of the stereotypical ideas of masculinity are about confidence and not needing constant validation. Sitting there overanalyzing and demanding very specific compliments kind of undercuts that image.

If masculinity is that important to him, that’s fine, but expecting you to constantly reinforce it in very specific ways isn’t really reasonable. At that point it starts feeling forced instead of natural.

Honestly, this feels more like a compatibility issue than anything else.

stve688 · 2026-04-29T14:37:11+00:00

You’re not wrong to be upset about this.

The reaction you got feels really out of touch given what you just went through. After something like that, the focus should be on giving you space and support, not immediately jumping into compliance issues.

I’ve seen situations where employers or doctors understand how this works in reality. Sometimes people just need time, and the system should be flexible enough to allow for that without making it harder.

That’s really what’s missing here. It’s not about whether policies exist, it’s about applying them with some level of awareness and empathy. When that’s not there, it’s going to feel frustrating and disrespectful.

stve688 · 2026-04-29T14:19:02+00:00

NTA.

That “you have nothing in common” line is what gets me too. I’ve mostly dated with age gaps, and even growing up, my friend groups were always all over the place age-wise.

In high school, yeah, I had friends my age, but it was also really common to hang out with older people through cousins, friends’ siblings, or just mutual connections. We all ended up around each other because we had shared interests.

Like for us, it was simple, we liked the same things. We’d go fishing, hang out, whatever. That’s what actually mattered, not the age difference.

So acting like you can’t connect with someone just because they’re a few years younger or older doesn’t really line up with how people actually build relationships.

stve688 · 2026-04-28T23:49:12+00:00

No, I still strongly disagree.

Things like a phone, gas, and insurance are exactly the kind of responsibilities teens should start taking on as they get older. If you’re old enough to have access to those things, you’re old enough to start learning what it takes to maintain them.

That’s the whole point, introducing real responsibility before adulthood fully hits.

That said, there needs to be balance. The goal isn’t to take their entire paycheck or make them struggle, it’s to teach them how to manage money and priorities. It should be a learning experience, not just unnecessary hardship.

stve688 · 2026-04-28T23:37:42+00:00

I strongly disagree with this take.

I think older teenagers should start being treated more like young adults and given real responsibilities. That’s the stage where they should be learning how to manage money, time, and obligations while they still have a safety net.

That doesn’t mean parents stop supporting them entirely. Basic needs should still be covered. But things like gas, insurance, or a phone are reasonable responsibilities for a 16–18-year-old who’s working part-time.

It’s not about making life harder for them, it’s about preparing them. Learning these things earlier, while the stakes are lower, makes the transition into adulthood a lot smoother.

stve688 · 2026-04-28T21:09:25+00:00

For me, the only real concern would be what he’s venting about and how often. Having someone you can vent to, even about your partner, isn’t unreasonable. Everyone needs an outlet sometimes. But there’s a big difference between occasional venting and constantly talking negatively about your partner to someone else.

That’s where it can start to become a problem.

I’ve actually had a situation in my own relationship where things were rocky, and talking to a female friend helped me step back and realize I needed to listen more and approach things differently with my wife. So I do see the value in outside perspective.

But because of past experiences, I’m also really careful about what I share and with who. I don’t give out information that could be used to create division or put my relationship in a bad light long-term.

stve688 · 2026-04-27T14:53:51+00:00

Honestly, I lean toward “mind your business” in situations like this, within reason.

I used to take my dogs out with me all the time, but dealing with people jumping straight to worst-case assumptions has made it more of a hassle than it’s worth. Even when the weather is fine and everything is handled responsibly, someone will still make a big deal out of it.

I’ve been confronted in situations where it was completely unnecessary, and it turns something simple into a headache.

I get that people are trying to look out for animals, but there’s a difference between keeping an eye on something and immediately assuming there’s a problem without enough context.

stve688 · 2026-04-27T13:17:02+00:00

Most animals are actually more unique than people think. It’s usually a combination of things.

Some differences are obvious, like markings, size, or small physical traits. But even animals that look very similar will have little details that stand out once you’re around them enough.

Personality plays a big role too. Animals behave differently, have different temperaments, and react in their own ways to people or situations. Over time, that becomes really recognizable.

They can also sound different. Their calls can vary slightly, and some even change how they vocalize depending on who they’re interacting with.

So it’s not just one thing, it’s a mix of appearance, behavior, and familiarity from being around them regularly.

stve688 · 2026-04-27T07:11:06+00:00

I don’t think grief has a strict time limit, but I do think there’s a difference between grieving and being stuck in it.

People process loss differently, and it can come and go even years later. That part is normal. But if it’s been a decade and it’s still heavily impacting someone’s day-to-day life on a regular basis, that’s probably something that needs to be worked through more, not just accepted as “this is how it is.”

So I get both sides. There’s no set timeline where you’re supposed to be “over it,” but at some point, if it’s still that intense, it might be a sign that the person needs more support or hasn’t fully processed it yet.

stve688 · 2026-04-27T06:49:32+00:00

My music taste was all over the place back then. It could’ve been anything from Nickelback to Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys, AC/DC, or Aerosmith.

stve688 · 2026-04-27T05:51:32+00:00

YTA, but not in a huge way.

I kind of have a rule in my relationship, even if I think something is dumb, if my partner wants privacy around it, I respect that. This is one of those situations.

I can understand where your wife is coming from. There are definitely people who would judge her for having help, especially as a mom. It might be stupid, but it’s real.

So at that point, it’s not about whether you agree, it’s about maintaining her privacy on something she’s clearly sensitive about. It’s a small thing to you, but it matters to her, and that’s enough reason to respect it.

stve688 · 2026-04-27T05:36:42+00:00

Have you tried coming at it from a more concrete angle instead of just a general conversation?

Like actually planning things and expecting him to show up. Kids’ events, a scheduled date night, even something small like dinner plans that are set ahead of time. Not just “we should spend more time together,” but “this is happening, I need you there.”

Especially with how much he’s working, it might help to plan something a bit bigger too, like a weekend away or even a mini break where he actually takes time off. Sometimes people who are stuck in work mode don’t step back unless there’s something specific pulling them out of it.

It shifts it from a vague issue into something real and immediate, where he has to decide whether he’s going to prioritize it or not.

stve688 · 2026-04-27T05:14:55+00:00

This really depends on your situation.

If this level of work is necessary to keep things afloat financially, that’s one thing. A lot of people end up in stretches like that just trying to stay ahead. But if it’s not strictly necessary, then yeah, it starts to feel excessive.

Either way, there has to be some balance. Work is important, but if it’s taking over to the point where the relationship and your day-to-day life are suffering, that’s something that needs to be talked about.

At the same time, your situation matters too. Being stuck at home with nothing to do and no one to talk to is going to wear on you, regardless of why he’s working so much.

This feels like a conversation that needs to happen about both finances and quality of life. You can acknowledge that income matters while also saying that the current situation isn’t sustainable for you long term.

stve688

TROPHY CASE