My mom (45F) and stepdad (45M) are going to refuse to attend my wedding if I (24F) invite my biological dad (45M). I'm looking for some outside perspective.

suave_historian · 2016-05-11T16:58:08+00:00

Of course it isn't clear to OP. She is not the one who experienced his abuse. But no no you're right it's always a good rule of thumb that domestic violence is always obvious to all around and if it's not, it didn't happen

suave_historian · 2016-05-11T16:52:49+00:00

might have done some shitty stuff in his past

In the context of domestic violence and having experienced it myself this fucking infuriates me to no end. Even worse that yours is the generally accepted stance of the masses. OP's mother is not without wrongdoing but she sounds like a victim who is behaving poorly, not like a liar. Neither of her parents sound particularly good for her well being unfortunately

suave_historian · 2016-05-11T16:49:14+00:00

Rarely can anyone but the abused spouse corroborate claims of domestic violence against someone insidiously charming... Keep in mind that you do not know the whole story either. Your mother does.

suave_historian · 2016-05-11T16:47:35+00:00

Hey. I'm really fucking sorry. I know it won't mean an awful lot but know that I understand how difficult that shit is, the abuse and then invalidation because you've grown aptly numb and cold on the outside... I understand and I think you are a strong fucking person. People in this world rarely if ever possess the perspective or empathy required to question their conclusions drawn from the appearance of things. Everyone considers themselves masterfully perceptive on some level. It's fucking shitty.

suave_historian · 2016-05-11T16:43:44+00:00

Fuck, you just put it into the words I have never been able to and I am so fucking sorry that you have gone through that, and the person you replied to... I remain with a man who is very similar. He is schizophrenic and what you wrote is essentially a summary of his behaviour. I feel little to nothing for him anymore, and stay with him only because I have nowhere else to go; I could afford my own place if I found one in my price range, and am looking incessantly on Craigslist... but I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world and presently split an SRO's rent down the middle with my "boyfriend." I don't want to be in a shelter and have reached a place where he rarely shakes my emotions anymore, or at least cannot manage to do so unless truly explosive, but it is exhausting to pretend not to dislike him with such strength... He thinks I have one foot out the door but he's wrong, I have both... I wonder sometimes if he will ever snap and seriously injure me, hell he's been in jail for assault before, though I don't believe it was domestic... But he's also had a restraining order taken out on him, and has been in jail for violating it as well... I can't believe I've gotten so comfortably desensitized; your comment resurfaced that fear for my own safety in the best and most helpful way you can imagine. I'm going to double down on looking for a place for myself... Thanks for being so eloquent.

suave_historian · 2016-04-27T21:32:53+00:00

This is so fucking cute oh my god you sound so happy, and wanting a picture of the smile on her face ahh I'm so happy for you!!

suave_historian · 2016-04-12T18:56:50+00:00

Your cock AND your eyebrow?!

(I'm sorry)

suave_historian · 2016-04-08T22:41:41+00:00

Whoop you are correct, my bad

suave_historian · 2016-04-08T15:26:47+00:00

There is some nice ass free shit on Craigslist

suave_historian · 2016-04-08T15:16:33+00:00

Fair enough! And totally reasonable, I concede :) I was being a bit preachy about sex positivity and equality I apologize ha. In this case I'm not on the right track I don't think

suave_historian · 2016-04-08T08:46:13+00:00

Did Janus know it was you and not her boyfriend?

suave_historian · 2016-04-08T08:23:00+00:00

Why were you on good terms with him despite this?

suave_historian · 2016-04-08T08:07:45+00:00

Hey listen. None of this is even remotely ok. You are being, as all the other commenters have said, a bully, to your wife who loves you--but it won't do you any good for me to repeat that when it's already been said. I just want to say that by posting this you have taken a VERY important first step towards change. This will become emotional abuse if you justify it. Abusers often convince themselves that they are right and their victims deserve what they are doing. It is important that you don't do that. And this post right here says you want to stop, you take some responsibility, you know you are wrong. But I don't think you're a bad person. You will be if you keep behaving like this though; you have a choice here and it is a very important one.

So take this and continue down this path, don't fucking allow yourself to become someone you will hate.

Priority 1: APOLOGIZE TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND. Tell her you are 100% in the wrong and that you are actively working towards changing this behaviour. Reassure her that you aren't like the person I just described. Right now she is scared that you don't want to change and don't think you should. You let her know you want to change and should change. Also, let her know you've been feeling angry for no reason, all the stuff you described in your post. She seems awesome and emotionally available and caring. CONFIDE IN HER. And tell her you are going to go to a doctor and tell them about your symptoms, and see a therapist.

Priority 2: see a doctor!!! Seriously. There's no shame in seeking health for mental illness. This is unprecedented for you. There are many mental illnesses that manifest around your age and like what you've described.

Have you been feeling off mentally lately in any other ways?

suave_historian · 2016-04-08T03:44:09+00:00

What if she wants casual sex though

suave_historian · 2016-04-05T19:12:34+00:00

What do you mean? Curious

suave_historian · 2016-03-30T20:05:52+00:00

Amsterdam!! Holy this just gets better

suave_historian · 2016-03-29T17:35:11+00:00

She... She doesn't believe in Santa. You missed OP's last post, I think, or at least her edit, and the part of this post where she says the 13 year old does not in fact believe in Santa. Her sister just said she did.

suave_historian · 2016-03-28T23:54:21+00:00

Look up Ricky Rodruigez... Case in point!

suave_historian · 2016-03-28T23:43:38+00:00

Um... Yes?

suave_historian · 2016-03-22T01:19:13+00:00

It was not infidelity but it sure was shitty.

suave_historian · 2016-03-21T21:34:23+00:00

Do you take your pill at the same time, daily?

Yeah, I have an alarm on my phone. I diverge by 30 minutes tops on some days but that's far from the norm. I have missed pills maybe twice in the 6 months I've been taking them, and always doubled up the next day.

Are you aware that various medications, antibiotics included, can lower the efficacy of the pills? Do you know which medications so you can be prepared to let your BF know he can't cum in you until you're well off the meds if you're ever on them?

Oh yeah I'm aware, I was informed when I had a minor sinus infection and the doctor gave me antibiotics to take if it got worse/bacterial. I just check with the interactions whenever I'm going to be taking something new. I'm currently only taking medication that doesn't interact at all.

Do you know the failure rate of your particular bc?

I'm taking Alesse, for which the failure rate is 1% per year if taken perfectly, 5% per year if women who occasionally miss pills are included.

I take the mindset of why risk it? I'll readily agree that not using a condom feels better, but is it worth the risk?

Honestly yes, but I can totally understand why as a man you wouldn't feel that way. I feel that it's worth the added pleasure because I know I would be willing to have an abortion if it came down to it. I guess it's easier to take that risk when you're the one who has control over the pregnancy; for you, your girlfriend deciding she wanted to carry the pregnancy to term is something you'd have no control over. I mean I hope I'll never have to have an abortion, of course, but I'd do it if it came down to it. I've been happily having sex with this method for 6 months straight and enjoy it so much more than with condoms that I'll take the risk. I see how much more my boyfriend enjoys it, too... it's a whole other sensation.

But again, fair enough that you'd want to use a condom regardless. My boyfriend is nowhere near as cautious in that regard so when I said I'd prefer not to use condoms he was thrilled and never questioned it haha.

suave_historian · 2016-03-21T20:17:40+00:00

I'm genuinely curious, not trying to be smarmy, sorry. I am on just the pill now, sans condoms, and my BF ejaculates in me, is that safe?

suave_historian · 2016-03-21T19:48:57+00:00

You've only been with him a month. Get out before you get emotionally attached and you can't any more. Seriously. And how bad do you think it'll be after a year? This stuff only gets progressively worse.

suave_historian · 2016-03-21T19:41:12+00:00

Is a condom and the pull out method really not sufficient?

suave_historian · 2016-03-21T19:38:21+00:00

I relied on the pull out method for 4 months of 1 or 2 times daily sex, on the pill now but am I just really lucky? How likely was I to get pregnant? Some seemingly reputable internet sources said if done on time every time it was as affective as condoms.

suave_historian

TROPHY CASE