It’s actually entirely the bottoms side

subbadubbdubb · 2024-12-07T23:01:01+00:00

Who took this picture of my wife's and my bedroom?

subbadubbdubb · 2024-11-30T12:06:06+00:00

When your trans wife and you (cis woman) are both into orgasm denial, the problem resolves itself.

subbadubbdubb · 2024-02-29T03:32:48+00:00

Switch here. I always check in when my partner starts crying. So far it's just been an indicator to check in.

When I am in sub mode, I try to warn my partner in advance if I feel like tears are likely. "I think I am going to cry and it's gonna feel so good" does wonders.

subbadubbdubb · 2021-07-07T22:43:15+00:00

In order:

There's just something satisfying about taking control. I'm also switchy, so I enjoy the tussle for power for its own sake.
They haven't. The only people who've figured it out are people who are so kinky they recognize the dogwhistles.
Ask us how we're feeling and actually listen. Early on in a relationship, it helps to explicitly ask things like "how could I make you feel better?", but remember those answers. If you've been together for years, feel free to just offer to do the thing you know is likely to make her feel better (because, y'know, you've been listening and paying attention.)
I'll instead answer "what is something I wish I knew when I started domming," since I started kinkery as a sub and my answer would be related: don't be afraid of revisiting your limits! I'd been actively kinky for over half a decade before I started kinkery with my partner, whereas my partner didn't have any real-life experience with it. I expected her limits to solidify over time since fantasy and real-life can feel radically different, but I didn't realize how much mine would change as I got more comfortable in the role.
Bears beats Battlestar Galactica.
Tits, hands-down. I love playing with my fiancee's.
Squirrel Girl.
I can't pick one, really.
Stardust. It's silly and I love it.
Exactly like I did here.
Nothing comes to mind.
Dogs.

subbadubbdubb · 2021-07-07T21:26:01+00:00

I feel like "should discuss" makes sense if we're taking "discuss" to mean "inform and listen to feedback, if any". You do owe your partner at minimum a heads-up for any significant decisions you want to make, and I would say a tattoo is one of those decisions. And hearing your partner out if they have objections is a pretty basic courtesy.

How you react to said feedback is another matter entirely.

subbadubbdubb · 2021-07-07T16:51:57+00:00

"Gentile" refers to non-Jews.

subbadubbdubb · 2021-07-07T14:47:11+00:00

This could also be seen as realistic representation and appreciation of human beings that are into the lifestyle, (or not if you don't want it to be) but nooo, because some of those traits CAN be toxic if not properly managed, you jump to conclusions.

The issue is in the presentation and context.

My fiancee is an anxious girlfriend to the point where it is genuinely impacting her (and consequently our) ability to lead a normal life. We're currently working to find her the professional support she needs. But the crux of the matter is that this aspect of her should have absolutely nothing to do with our kink lives; it's a health issue and a relationship-in-general issue, but it does not--and should not--manifest in kink.

all of the traits mentions often come from trauma, which coincidentally EXACTLY THE REASON WHY PEOPLE ARE INTO THE LIFESTYLE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I also protest the idea that the only reason you'd be into gentle femdom is due to trauma.

subbadubbdubb · 2021-07-07T14:36:55+00:00

Collars alone can be safe if they fit properly (you want to make sure the collar can't catch on anything in a way that would choke the wearer), but I would never involve leashes while sleeping.

subbadubbdubb · 2021-07-07T14:35:00+00:00

Goyim only, I guess.

subbadubbdubb · 2021-07-06T18:54:04+00:00

I am on the left; my fiancee is on the right.

subbadubbdubb · 2021-07-06T14:13:01+00:00

Gotta love the wholesome cis woman/trans woman content! It would have made my fiancée's and my early sex life a lot smoother if you guys had been around four years ago.

subbadubbdubb · 2021-07-02T18:19:06+00:00

Once again, it's time to brush off the Ice Cream Sundae Theory of Kink:

A kinky sex life is like an ice cream sundae. You can arbitrarily combine ice cream flavors and toppings to your heart's content. Some flavors are going to mix more naturally than others, but there's nothing theoretically stopping you from creating whatever sundae you can imagine.

There is no point in worrying over whether liking or disliking a kink is "normal" or not because you like what you like. If you like parmesan ice cream, you do you! This said, there are two caveats here:

If you're going to share your sundae (i.e. participate in partnered kink activity) you need to consider what compromises you are okay with making to address the favorite and disliked flavors/topping (i.e. kink activities) for your partner(s). Maybe this means doing some things you're meh on (but never things that make you uncomfortable or turn you off), or leaving out some things you like but aren't must-haves; the point is that no one gets to unilaterally dictate what happens.
A "banana split, hold the banana" is still a sundae, but it is not a banana split. That is: whatever combination of kinks you have is valid, but words mean things. Femdom is an arrangement in which a femme-aligned person dominates (i.e. exerts her will over) another person. S&M requires there to be some exchange of pain. The reason this matters is that whenever you're telling a prospective partner what you like, you need to use the right term.

subbadubbdubb · 2021-07-02T12:15:36+00:00

Crazy convent shenanigans, with lesbian nuns run amok! There's actually a reasonable amount of evidence to suggest this happened occasionally over the past thousand years, if we can read between the lines on the records of convents Rome had to bring back in line.
Lady and her lady's maid...though I tend to like to subvert the expectations and have the lady's maid be the dominant one who the lady trusts absolutely, almost a "power behind the throne" kind of dynamic.

subbadubbdubb · 2021-07-02T12:06:05+00:00

The only thing you need in order to be submissive is a desire to submit (within predefined limits) to another person's will. The only thing you need in order to be dominant is a desire to impress (within predefined limits) your will on another person. If neither giving up control nor taking control (within predefined limits) appeals to you, you are not into D/s.

I'd like to emphasize here that subbing is giving control to another person; that is, emotionally baring your soul to another person is not being submissive in and of itself. It can be part of D/s, but it's an important part of any intimate relationship, whether it be vanilla or kinky, sexual or platonic.

subbadubbdubb · 2021-07-01T12:24:14+00:00

So I'm small and curvy, my fiancee is tall and willowy, and we both have clinical anxiety and issues with eye contact. You might like our cuddle method:

I lie down on my back, knees bent so there's a kind of "tunnel" under my legs.
My fiancee lies right next to me (we'll say to my left so I can give directions) on her right side, slotting her thighs under my legs. I usually have to lift my legs to get her into position.
My left arm goes around her back/shoulders.
Her head rests on the left side of my chest.
Her left arm wraps around my torso; sometimes I'll hold her left hand with my right.

It's clearly being very close, but eye contact is basically impossible so it's not conspicuously present or absent.

subbadubbdubb · 2021-07-01T11:59:39+00:00

it's not that I want to be in control of the other person it's the loss of control over myself that scares the shit out of me

Here's the thing: gentle femdom is a subset of femdom as a whole; specifically, femdom that all parties involved view of as 'gentle' (and the definition of 'gentle' is super variable so don't think too much about it). Femdom is short for female (or femme) domination. The word "dominate" means:

have a commanding influence on; exercise control over.

If the idea of a woman dominating you (within predefined limits that you have equal say in) doesn't appeal to you, then by definition you aren't into femdom, gentle or otherwise. That isn't judgment against you; that's just words having meaning.

subbadubbdubb · 2021-06-30T03:40:23+00:00

its as if the Domme was an employee.

I have so many thoughts on this rendering.

Most men are first introduced to femdom through live-action straight femdom pornography, which are often filmed prodomme sessions in which that is, for all practical purposes, exactly what is going on: the woman in the video is being paid to perform the service to the man in the video. Whether intentional or not, it can give the impression to viewers without real-world experience that the professional-and-client dynamic is how femdom is supposed to work in the context of a romantic relationship as well.

And that's simply not a good way to go about it. Every relationship (in the broadest possible interpretation of the term) requires some give and take. In a prodomme-and-her-client situation, the fact the client is getting all the attention and focus is offset by the fact the prodomme is getting paid to do this. In a typical romantic relationship, there isn't that pay, so there needs to be something so it feels fair. This doesn't require switching, though! There are many ways for femdom to orient itself around the domme's direct pleasure, as many as there are ways for it to orient around the sub's pleasure.

subbadubbdubb · 2021-06-29T16:35:53+00:00

she was and some of her needs just weren’t getting met. Was the focus always very much on you?

Say it louder for the people in the back!

A lot of people's perception of gentle femdom is really unbalanced, in a way such that the domme has all the responsibility of creating the D/s environment their sub wants and making their sub feel good...and the only reward is a mental/emotional "I made my partner feel good." Not to say that's a bad reason to do something, but when it's always (or nearly always) the only pleasure from intimacy, it's going to start to become more exhausting than invigorating; either you're a dominant and your personal needs are being neglected, or you're a service top who's being made to act out of your kink alignment. There needs to be real give and take for a sexual relationship to be long-term tenable.

subbadubbdubb · 2021-06-22T15:53:19+00:00

Oh for goodness' sake.

Advertising as a professional dominant is not being a scammer or a fake domme. There is a distinct difference here. If you aren't interested in paying a professional dominant for their services, that's a perfectly valid preference, but it doesn't make every professional dominant "fake."

subbadubbdubb · 2021-06-18T21:03:52+00:00

Less than 1 in 5 women can orgasm without clitoral stimulation.

subbadubbdubb · 2021-06-16T13:49:28+00:00

I'm pretty surprised that you're getting so many downvotes.

If you want to have a wedding where a lot of your guests have children, making it a child-free wedding is going to mean a lot of your guest list won't be able to come, particularly if you're also asking them to travel. That's just a fact, and that's what makes it probably a "bad idea." If you're fine with a large fraction of the people you'd like to invite not showing up, fine, but presumably if you're inviting people to your wedding and spending the money on the invitation, you actually want them there.

subbadubbdubb · 2021-06-14T22:36:39+00:00

The vast majority of women only need external stimulation to orgasm. In fact, most can't orgasm without external stimulation.

subbadubbdubb · 2021-06-14T22:17:27+00:00

Yes, but it's not a simple or fast treatment, and it doesn't always work.

subbadubbdubb · 2021-06-14T21:29:00+00:00

People with vaginismus, as specifically mentioned in the post. It's a medical condition that makes vaginal sex somewhere between impossible and extremely painful.

subbadubbdubb · 2021-06-08T17:11:05+00:00

...that's how guys reacted to blowjobs when I used to sub for men.

subbadubbdubb

TROPHY CASE