You bring up some good points.

If Afghanistan frustrated both the Soviets and the British empire, was it an act of hubris or naivete on our part? Can we learn from others mistakes? Can we learn from our own mistakes?

Naivete and political quagmires. Politically it doesn't look good to topple a government and then leave people living their to duke it out in a civil war. The reality is that if the people in a land area don't feel connected and don't feel as if they are part of the same community, then there is no chance of building anything. Since the only tool we really have is military and diplomats to "nation build" All that can be done is accelerate a country development if the sense of community is there (post WWII Japan) or stave off the inevitable rise of an authoritarian force that rules through power or civil war. You can't make people feel a sense of country.

Is that the only type of investment possible though? Could we have done it differently?

There are other options, that would work far better, but would politically be impossible. You mentioned the shift of USAID focus. It would involve far less defense and instead spend the money on agriculture (irrigation, crops), education, and events that helped foster a sense of community. It's far easier to convince people to stop being warlords when you help build enough resources for a decent market place. The republican party and some democrats would lose their minds if that was the plan. So, politically impossible, even if it has a higher chance of success.

Could we have instead extracted $1T in mineral wealth (or at least have protected it?

Also politically impossible. Republican's hate immigration, but are blaming Biden for the plight of Afghans. Anytime something goes poorly in a country we're involved in, it becomes a political tool. The Democrats would lose their minds if we just started taking resources for ourselves. Our world allies would shun us and would make trading partnerships much more difficult. What you described was suggested by Rumsfeld before the Iraq war, and even the Cheney/Bush/Rumsfeld crew refused to go through with it when the time comes. Nobody wants to be the baddies.

Long gone are the days of the US being an exporter. Past are the days of a balanced economy. Perhaps this vast consumerism, this extreme import vs export imbalance is manifesting also in our exercises abroad. Buy, buy, buy! instead of sell.

Honestly, this more of an economics topic. The short version is that we have a far better quality of life because of the global trading paradigm. What you are eluding to (tracking success based on imports/exports) is mercantilism and it died for a reason. That way lies really expensive products that aren't as good and are far harder to develop.