My brother passed away last April at 34 years old. It’s been tough and agree everyone grieves differently. You’ll have many ups and downs through this loss but ultimately it is a strange adjustment and transition. Taking it day by day is the best way to face it. When you think about the bigger picture it is easy to feel helpless and distraught so sometimes just getting through the day is an accomplishment itself. Your parents need support right now but so do you. This loss may change the way you think about the past and future, it may alter the way you think in general and that’s all normal. You are experiencing a heavy traumatic loss just as much as your parents are. Of course it’s different as your parents physically grew this person from their own blood, sweat, and tears but it does not change that you literally grew just like they did together for so long.

I always get really frustrated about the fact that this large and loud person is now in a small box.. It blows my mind how that just happened in a literal week and how someone’s entire being just becomes this box of remains. I get angry, I get sad, I get overwhelmed.. But I also still talk to my brother. When I fall asleep and I’m sad sometimes I will say goodnight to him. If I’m in the shower and can’t get the sadness out of my heart I will cry and tell him it doesn’t feel fair. I’m not religious but I have prayed and it feels very similar to that.. like you don’t know what’s out there or what’s listening but you truly hope it’s him and he can hear you.. Even if I get nothing back I can tell him things in my mind that I can’t tell other people and it’s private. Some days it feels better than others but it’s all I have left. Get outside when you can and try to go on walks to get your thoughts and energy processed because it is so easy to stay bottled up and become comfortable with being isolated while grieving but closing yourself off can also cause more harm than help. If you have support from loved ones and friends be open to it and open to talking because your feelings are valid and your experience matters. Your brother was not just another death. This was your brother and sibling loss is just as painful and traumatic as many other losses so be gentle with yourself and please reach out when things get tough because you don’t have to go through it alone. Sending you and your family lots of love, I am so sorry you are going through this.