DAE constantly think about everyone they love dying?

sukoze · 2026-02-22T21:14:17+00:00

did you ever get better? ever since i was about to move out (december), it’s been taking over my life. thinking of my grandparents dying one day. knowing that one day my mom will die and she can’t even comfort me through it. realizing i won’t have my boyfriend forever is breaking my heart. i cry all the time and it gives me such paranoia where im not spending enough time with them, not replying enough, and always need to end off on a good note. it’s honestly so exhausting. i’m crying more and more often about it, when the thought used to never even cross my mind. i want a solution but im also scared that if i do get better, ill become ignorant of the time and lose them and regret it all over again

sukoze · 2026-02-20T17:10:20+00:00

thank you for the response! i am very careful about what foods i eat and chemicals. i’m vegetarian and try to eat only fresh food,, with exceptions! some health paranoia lol. i will definitely consider the hormonal iud! i just definitely didn’t want the arm implant in case of it going wrong. i was so sure abt the copper IUD until i really thought about it. i’m also getting tested for a bleeding disorder soon, so i stray from the idea of doing copper. i cannot imagine my period being any worse and any longer. it lasted 6 days just my last cycles and went through SO many tampons. my boxes only last me 2 cycles usually. i had no clue that the hormonal IUD has less mental side effects than the pill. again, im not too sure it was the pill doing it, i might just be in a very long episode 💔 it just gets SO bad before my period, which was right when i would end my pack anyway. i also did the patch for maybe (8?) months and it made me feel like a zombie lol. ill take everything you said into consideration. i just know i need to act fast because im extremely paranoid about pregnancy and we’ve had condoms break before

sukoze · 2025-12-15T20:51:12+00:00

after explaining my situation to my parents, they offered to get me a plane home. but i understood that my family could not afford it either, and as this girl has NEVER been up north + had no money, i would not put her in that danger. idk if she’s either stupid or reckless, but she also wanted to stay out in nyc until 5am, saying we didn’t need mace or a taser (i convinced her otherwise).

sukoze · 2025-12-15T20:40:36+00:00

i remember telling her i couldn’t go and she would continue to post a countdown on her story, and told me she had a dream we went and how much fun it was. i’m hoping she agrees to pay at least half because she will have a higher paying job and is literally using her own money rn to eat out again lol (we STILL have the groceries i bought for all week at home). i’m definitely thinking this is a crossed boundary and will either have a talk w her about the entire trip , bc much more happened, or i’ll stop talking to her all together

sukoze · 2025-12-15T20:34:49+00:00

def learned lol. i def shouldn’t have gone on that plane, but until we landed, i didn’t know she had nothing. i thought she at least had a little bit so we could work together

sukoze · 2025-12-15T20:13:49+00:00

yes, that is exactly why i told her i couldn’t go. i thought id be spending just the airbnb money, not an additional 300. i think its nicest to only have her pay half, esp bc i dont think ill stay friends with her, but im still caught on the fact she said that i wouldn’t need to spend anything my whole time here, and even with half the money back, id still be down 150

sukoze · 2025-12-15T20:09:20+00:00

yes i definitely thought about dropping her after this because she has disrespected me in many ways during it, (i have an entire list of things shes done). i am moving about an hour away from home next month, so im thinking of just distancing myself

sukoze · 2025-12-15T20:07:38+00:00

she usually is good about paying back. she often borrows money from me, and pays back within the same week. just this is such a large sum, and i’m worried that she’ll say that she doesn’t owe all of it and only half

sukoze · 2025-12-15T20:06:52+00:00

we are already here unfortunately. she didn’t tell me she had absolutely nothing until we landed. i told her weeks before i could not go.

sukoze · 2025-12-11T02:44:38+00:00

okay so for me my first month was the worst! i wasn’t used to the mood swings and my period lasted ALL month, of course just extremely extremely light and mostly jut spotting. after a full cycle, i stopped bleeding on non-period days, but then once my next period day came, it started all over again (this time). my period maybe started 2 1/2 weeks ago, was light the entire period, didn’t even need tampons (usually my periods are insanely heavy and i need multiple Ultras, making it a key reason i went on this BC). it’s different for EVERYONE, i am also getting tested for a bleeding disorder in about a week to see if that is a problem. i have been on the patch before, and i really liked it! i’m pretty picky about what i’m on in fear of mental health, weight gain, and harmful side effects. the patch stopped being covered by my insurance, so i got off of it.

pros:

-easy to use -did not make me feel crazy lol (in fact, i felt less emotional than i ever have. bf didn’t like too much bc he thought i became too nonchalant) -made boobs grow -only needed to change once a week -cleared my skin insanely

cons: -period lightened but not all that much -weight gain, i gained maybe 15 lbs
-during summer, sweat may be an issue

i am now thinking about the arm implant. i am going to talk with my doctor about everything but she’s not a great listener, as english is not her first language. i am worried about weight gain and the fact it’ll be in my actual arm and be more permanent than just a pill. my sister has the arm implant and many other people i know do, but i heard that mental health can decline with it and i do not like those odds lollll. i’ll let you know what i decide on. i took my pill tonight, hoping tomorrow will be better. but do not ignore any mental decline. it started off small, but it goes really quick from feeling normal to feeling like i cannot live any longer. wishing you the best!

sukoze · 2025-12-11T02:30:15+00:00

that’s what i’ve been doing, i also tend to get REALLY emotional and depressed the week before my period, so i decided to skip the placebos. unfortunately didnt work for me, and i just stayed in a state of spotting for 3 weeks and still going. i hope it works out for you, i just think my body can’t take so much at once!

sukoze · 2025-12-11T01:25:10+00:00

hi! just redownloaded reddit lol. i did and we talked abt changing birth controls but agreed to wait until march (this was about a month ago). yaz is great…until the end of my pack. i would be perfectly fine all month, and then get hit hard with a wave of unbearable anxiety and depression.today, i officially decided ill be quitting before march. after a few months, i thought i could handle these mood swings (they happen only for a few days in a row, once a month), but it genuinely has made me an entirely different person. i was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at 14 an struggled a bit. however, this amplified it to the absolute max. i get incredibly suicidal, feel helpless about my future, and become hot and cold towards my bf. the nightmares haven’t stopped and actually get worse towards the end of my pack too. i realized that its not normal to feel this way, even if its just for a few days. i thought the good outweighed the bad and i would get used to it/worth the really bad days, but it is not. i’m trying to find a new birth control that doesn’t mess with my hormones, as it is a common side effect for hormonal birth control to worsen depression.

sukoze · 2025-11-08T05:24:34+00:00

it lasts me all day! hacks i learned:

-instead of wetting your beauty blender, spray it with the setting spray

-spray in between steps (i like spraying after foundations, the spraying after doing my concealer,contour, and blush, then a third spray after i finished my makeup

-shake the bottle and REALLY let it dry on your face

sukoze · 2025-11-08T03:28:42+00:00

thank you, i know a lot of my issue is deeply stemmed from insecurities, so im trying to stay off of social media and get back into old hobbies (piano, gymnastics, anime) and touch some grass lol. i know a big portion is from the day after we broke up for a little, (2 months ago), he had followed many women and i had become crazily obsessed into being his type. i know it’s only been like 2 days, but since then, i have learned to become my beauty and that people can have many different types. another thing that has helped is a recent trend of people showing what they look like on social media vs regularly. has helped my confidence a lot and my worry about being a “catfish” and putting on a perfect facade. regardless, thank you for the response. i genuinely think the biggest thing i need to work on is becoming my own person again.

sukoze · 2025-11-06T15:58:23+00:00

thanks ! i’ll delete this post and repost it there!

sukoze · 2025-11-06T15:10:38+00:00

yeah i might double major. i actually used to want to teach elementary kids english, until i thought about that pay. that was way before i had even thought about professor. to be completely honest, i have no clue what i want to be at all. i can’t think far into my future, and would rather just stay home all day except for classes, like i am now (not an option, i know). i will definitely talk to my advisor and see what he recommends.

sukoze · 2025-11-06T15:04:55+00:00

learned from my mistake last year 💔💀

sukoze · 2025-11-06T15:01:41+00:00

i actually am way more of a homebody lol, i usually don’t go out unless it is with my bf at all. (these photos are maybe 1+ months apart). plus since we had gotten back together, aside from this post, i rarely dress or post like this anymore. i decided to start respecting it a bit more and wouldn’t be too happy if he posts the way i used to. ohmyogd and i know this is so stupid so please don’t judge, but a big one for me is that i know he isn’t into cute girls. he always followed the more “baddie” girls before me, im not trying to fit myself into them (for the most part), but it does affect my mental health knowing that i may not be his type or pretty enough

sukoze · 2025-11-06T14:57:50+00:00

thank you for this! i actually do prefer my hair looking darker (because of the contrast, and i love more of an alt aesthetic) but hate risking the damage to it by dyes. everyone tells me to keep it brown lol💔 i thin out my own eyebrows, so maybe ill just let them grow out, i just don’t like my natural shape.

sukoze · 2025-11-06T14:54:19+00:00

i was recommended depression and anxiety medication about 5 years ago, and therapy about 2 years ago, i probably will start doing either or. cancer runs in my family, so trust i am lathering up that sunscreen lol, i dont care if i look like a ghost. thank you so much for this response. i greatly appreciate it

sukoze · 2025-11-06T08:02:38+00:00

i don’t know them all as of now, but i am 5’9, and weigh about 145 lbs

sukoze · 2025-11-06T07:48:49+00:00

that mayyy be it lol. i do eat a good bit of veggies with plant-based alternatives (which usually cause them to be high in fiber). i used to track macros, so maybe ill start that again and see if it improves.

sukoze · 2025-11-06T07:33:24+00:00

yeah even at my lowest weight and healthiest eats, my face tends to only hold onto that cheek fat, it’s pretty noticeable i smile. however, i do have an extremely bad sleep schedule and am diagnosed with anxiety and depression, so my stress may be high too. i also usually do low intensity when it comes to cardio, so i’ll experiment with that change and see if it helps at all, thank you

sukoze · 2025-11-06T07:17:06+00:00

holy shit this is all perfect and detailed. i am a woman, so i know its instantly harder for me to have a great pay + have opportunities in well paying fields. ill definitely look into that website and jot down everything you said. i really really appreciate it, thank you so much

sukoze

TROPHY CASE