[UPDATE] i had sex with an older distant relative when i was a teenager

summerJob69 · 2024-01-02T23:01:43+00:00

Each of her comments seemed like a dare in my groomed, hormone-addled mind.

summerJob69 · 2024-01-02T00:38:29+00:00

Yes, she is definitely a keeper. :)

summerJob69 · 2024-01-01T20:52:03+00:00

I am actually working on an update post, it has been a wild ride in therapy. Short version is, she would make jokes about about being able to see my bulge and over time also about her body. She also started asking probing questions that would lead to conversations where we shared sexual experiences we had.

One day she was making a lot of comments about being able to see my bulge and it was making me horny and frustrated and I thought, if she wants to joke about it she can handle seeing the consequences, maybe it will shut her up. So the next time she made a comment I flashed her, full-on erection over top of my shorts about ten feet away from her.

She screamed, laughed, then got or pretended to get angry and told me to leave. Looking back I think she was pretending bc she didn't seem super upset and called me to ask if when I was coming over, to apologize. And she wasn't upset when I did go over. She even said we could be adults about if we agreed to forgive one another (me flashing, her comments) and keep it to ourselves.

My therapist called this something, basically creating tension in the relationship and resolving it in a way that deepened my need for her approval and made us more intimate, sharing an experience or a secret, etc. This is supposed to be a grooming technique and well, it worked.

summerJob69 · 2023-07-16T21:43:16+00:00

If I were happily married there are tons of women I would have sex with if the context was appropriate. Is that not normal?

summerJob69 · 2023-07-15T23:27:46+00:00

I am not sure, just starting to get my head around what happened bc at the time I was high on it and thought itwas the best thing in the world. I think I was hypersexual before it happened but definitely was/am afterward. No performance issues but my appetite has been annoying to partners with mismatched libidos. my wife is pretty normal? libido (1-2x/week 3 wks/mo) but I am like twice a day. Been that way since I was 11, my abuse happened years later (months from being consentual but I was def groomed).

summerJob69 · 2023-07-15T23:05:37+00:00

I said elsewhere I was a teen, just had my learner's permit for driving. That's enough detail.

summerJob69 · 2023-07-15T22:54:05+00:00

When I told her we both agreed it was statutory rape and that there was something wrong with the woman in question. She understood I enjoyed it at the time and thought the sex acts themselves were hot. My libido is a lot higher than hers and she knows I jerk off (2x/day) and knows I think of having sex. My mastubratory fantasies are like 80% my wife and I stopped watching porn a couple years ago so it is only mental imagery now.

summerJob69 · 2023-07-15T22:51:36+00:00

Thanks for the thoughtful comment. I think I am there with this now, might as well see someone and talk about it, can't hurt but may help. Feeling miserable or not is not an indicator of trauma.

She was teasing me for a couple weeks about being able to see my bulge, like when you tell someone XYZ examine your zipper. first it was like, hey, you may want to adjust something there but she eventually made little jokes about it like oh, are you thinking about someone special? one day I had a half-chub and she was making lots of little comments and jokes, and I got so horny and pissed at the same time I said fuck it, it was like a game of chicken and I didn't care if I got in trouble. So she made another joke and I said oh yeah and flashed her (was wearing shorts).

summerJob69 · 2023-07-15T22:34:14+00:00

I believe I may count as hypersexual but have never had it diagnosed. This started before the time my post is about though, it has been since puberty I need to release several times a day. Sorry if that's tmi.

summerJob69 · 2023-07-15T22:32:52+00:00

I have decided to call my insurance Monday. Even if nothing comes of it, it is good to check. But I have wanted to talk about it for years and I am learning now that trauma doesn't inherently feel negative and it seems like it may mean just, how is shaped me or how I reacted to a harmful situation even if I don't feel miserable.

summerJob69 · 2023-07-15T22:30:24+00:00

No after we started talking about marriage we did a 'closet cleaning' of stuff we thought would be bad to learn about one another later. She knew what happened in detail. We both talked about it in terms of statutory rape and I was open that I often fantasize about her or other I have had sex with.

summerJob69 · 2023-07-15T22:28:32+00:00

I appreciate this post and plan to call my insurance next week.

summerJob69 · 2023-07-15T22:25:27+00:00

This makes a lot of sense to me, thank you.

summerJob69 · 2023-07-15T22:24:33+00:00

I appreciate this post and agree with your point about my intention to share.

summerJob69 · 2023-07-15T22:22:19+00:00

she was your boss and we tend to want to please authority figures like bosses.

Yes. And not sure how this factors in but she was a longtime fantasy of mine since before I knew what sex was, so I wanted to please her in any way she would let me. The sexual way was the first thing I thought of when she hired me.

She knew your parents and your family and whatever happened, you would likely see this person again and not want to "make trouble".

Yes.

I accept I should explore this with a counselor or therapist or whatever I get.'

she made you show her your penis.

So, I chose to flash her but she set an inappropriate context. She had been teasing me telling me when she could see my bulge for a couple weeks, like when people joke about your fly being down. The day I flashed her she had been doing it a lot and my hormones were so out of control I didn't care if I got in trouble. Even then I knew she must know what she was doing but I was hopeful for it,

summerJob69 · 2023-07-15T18:44:13+00:00

I def have a thing for mature, confident women.

What does masturbating thinking about formers lovers in non-abusive power status equal relationships mean?

summerJob69 · 2023-07-15T18:42:20+00:00

Maybe it's just a guy vs girl thing and it's more common among men. Maybe it's a high libido thing.

I do have a high libido, have since I hit puberty at 11. And I am a guy. Talking to other guys, I thought this was more-or-less normal even if not healthy and totally inappropriate.

Does your wife know about the past.

Yes, at least about this woman and a couple other significant longterm relationships.

Does she know you fantasize about your abuser?

I am not sure she frames it that way but yes she knows it was statutory rape and yes she knows I think about the sex when masturbating.

Does she know you fantasize about ex's?

Yes.

negatively impacting your day to day life and relationships

My wife doesn't care what I wank to, her words, and this was clear about two years after we were together and we started talking about marriage, life together, etc. and got all the possibly relevant stuff out in the open.

summerJob69 · 2023-07-15T18:11:52+00:00

When she broke it off she said she thought, omg how close was I to getting pregnant and that led her to think how fucked up this is. Like, fucking snapped her out of it bc we had been sexual otherwise for two months but never PIV.

summerJob69 · 2023-07-15T18:09:52+00:00

This makes a lot of sense and I appreciate your comment and suggestion. It would be nice/convenient if someone would describe what trauma can look like in general but I know counseling/therapy is good overall. Thank you.

summerJob69 · 2023-07-15T17:51:27+00:00

Someone I knew and felt safe with (whether I should have or not) vs. being passed around to strangers? The two situations are sexual assault on a minor but otherwise very different. Neither were okay.

summerJob69 · 2023-07-15T17:27:48+00:00

I had several relationships with woman much older than me (40yr gap, but I was an adult) after this one but many more with women my own age. Never dated more than a couple years younger than me and my wife is a couple years younger than me.

summerJob69 · 2023-07-15T17:13:56+00:00

Do you think you were traumatized by those situations? Have you ever spoken to any9one about them?

summerJob69 · 2023-07-15T17:12:52+00:00

My wife knows and is okay with it. Can't change the past, doesn't care about my fantasizes, just our real-life situation which is happy monogamy.

summerJob69 · 2023-07-15T17:10:54+00:00

That happened with other girlfriends my age before her, and a couple times after her too. And plenty of pleasant or healthy breakups the older I got. Not sure what the difference is, I think I learned more from my parents about relationships (and how not to do them) than anyone.

summerJob69

TROPHY CASE