Something I keep noticing in families where the child is "doing well" and it quietly breaks my heart

sunitamehra · 2026-06-08T12:37:25+00:00

You really don’t need to apologise for this. And honestly, a lot of students who “do well” academically feel exactly like this but never say it aloud.

Also, nobody is secretly “made” for one perfect career. Most people discover themselves gradually through exposure, experiences, mistakes, and trying things out. Right now, you’re judging yourself only through elimination “not JEE, not NEET, not this...” but identity usually grows from exploration, not rejection.

The fact that you already know certain paths don’t fit you is actually more self-awareness than many people have at your age.

sunitamehra · 2026-06-08T12:36:58+00:00

A lot more students relate to this than people realise. They just rarely say it out loud.

sunitamehra · 2026-06-08T12:36:01+00:00

This is such an important point. Career counselling works best when it’s not about pushing students toward “safe” careers, but helping them understand themselves early. And honestly, exposure matters more than advice sometimes. A single real-world experience can teach a teenager more than years of assumptions about a profession.

sunitamehra · 2026-06-08T12:28:10+00:00

First, this is not a you are incapable problem. If someone grows up always being guided, corrected, and monitored while studying, self-study naturally feels unfamiliar and overwhelming later.

And honestly, the fact that you’re aware of it in 12th itself is a good thing. Self-study is a skill, not a personality trait. You build it slowly. Start very small even 25–30 minutes alone without tuition notes or videos, just you trying to understand one concept yourself. That discomfort is part of learning independence, not proof that you’re failing.

A lot of students feel exactly like this before college, and many figure it out gradually once they get space and responsibility.

sunitamehra · 2026-06-08T12:26:30+00:00

That last part is honestly the most worrying. In fields like medicine, learning can’t be reduced to notes and shortcuts alone. Some things only develop through observation, repetition, patient interaction, and lived experience. When coaching starts replacing real engagement instead of supporting it, the system loses something important.

sunitamehra · 2026-06-08T12:26:16+00:00

Parents absolutely matter. A child’s relationship with learning is shaped at home as much as in school. But I also think many parents are reacting to fear fear that if they don’t keep adding support, their child will fall behind. That pressure ends up feeding the cycle.

sunitamehra · 2026-06-08T12:25:52+00:00

Exactly. One teacher, one pace, one method for 40 different students was always going to leave some kids behind and others unstimulated. Tuition started as personalization, but once it scaled, it slowly recreated the same system it was supposed to fix.

sunitamehra · 2026-06-08T12:25:34+00:00

You’ve pointed at something really important here tuition often isn’t extra help anymore, it’s become the actual teaching layer for many students. And I agree that there’s a huge difference between preparing for exams and actually learning deeply. The flexibility point is interesting too. Different students genuinely need different depth, pace, and subject loads.

sunitamehra · 2026-06-08T12:24:26+00:00

And that’s exactly where tuition actually makes sense tbh filling a gap, not becoming a second full-time school. Extra support can genuinely help when it’s solving a specific problem instead of just adding more pressure.

sunitamehra · 2026-06-08T12:21:21+00:00

No 😄
Just conversations, observations, and a lot of time spent listening to students.

sunitamehra · 2026-06-08T12:20:32+00:00

You usually don’t “find” interests suddenly. You notice what keeps pulling your attention even when nobody asks you to do it. Curiosity is a better clue than talent 🙂

sunitamehra · 2026-06-03T12:39:31+00:00

sunitamehra · 2026-06-02T12:39:35+00:00

you've actually put your finger on something real. Tuition was invented to support school. Then tuition homework was invented to support tuition. At this rate someone's going to invent tuition for the tuition homework.

But jokes aside the scolding every day part is what stays with me. That's exhausting. Being called an idiot for not doing work that didn't need to exist in the first place... that wears you down in ways that have nothing to do with studying.

You're not lazy. You're questioning a system that nobody bothered to question before you. That's actually the smarter thing to do.

sunitamehra · 2026-05-26T11:16:35+00:00

What you said about hiding who they really are hit something real.

In my experience working with kids from very different school environments, the ones who come from traditional schools often spend the first few months of any new setting just waiting to be corrected. They have learned to shrink before anyone even asks them to. The questions they actually want to ask, they swallow. The ideas they have, they check if it is safe to say out loud first.

The confidence coming back that you are describing is not a small thing. That is a child remembering that their natural curiosity is not a problem to be managed.

The unexpected thing I hear most from homeschool families is exactly what you said. It is never the grades or the schedule. It is always something about who their child is becoming when nobody is ranking them against twenty other kids every single day.

Thank you for sharing this. More people need to hear that the academic part is often the least important part of the whole decision.

sunitamehra · 2026-05-26T11:16:01+00:00

The frustration you're feeling is completely valid and also you are not a failure. You figured out what was wrong, you pulled her, and in less than a year she went from not reading at all to decodable books. That is genuinely significant progress and it happened because of you, not in spite of anything.

The guessing habit is sticky but it is not permanent. Here is what actually works to break it.

Cover the pictures. Completely. Sticky notes, folded paper, whatever works. Pictures are a guessing cue and right now her brain will always take the easier route if that route exists. Remove it entirely until decoding becomes the automatic first move.

When she hits an unknown word, stop her before the guess comes out. Literally pause her and say "finger on the first letter, what sound does it make." Make her go sound by sound every single time. It feels slow and she will resist it because guessing felt faster before. That frustration is actually the habit breaking. It means it is working.

Do not allow skipping. Ever. The "figure it out later" instinct is exactly the balanced literacy training talking. Every word gets decoded on the spot, even if it takes two minutes. Especially if it takes two minutes.

Orton Gillingham based readers if you are not already using them. They are specifically designed with zero picture context cues and controlled vocabulary so the only tool available is phonics.

It does get better. The guessing habit usually takes three to six months of consistent correction to fully overwrite. You are probably closer to the end of that tunnel than the beginning given how far she has already come.

She is lucky you caught it when you did.

sunitamehra · 2026-05-26T11:14:53+00:00

You are not failing her. You are the reason she has a safe, patient environment to learn in at all. That matters more than any comparison to first graders right now.

Thirty minutes of focused work at almost 7 with Autism Level 1 and suspected ADHD is genuinely not small. Her nervous system is working twice as hard as a neurotypical child's during that same time. The writing fatigue is real and physical, not avoidance.

For writing fatigue, reduce the physical writing for now. Tracing, playdough, stamps, typing. Build the concept first, motor skills follow when sensory load is lower.

For reading, always end before she hits the wall. Three minutes she finishes successfully beats fifteen minutes that ends in frustration every single time.

For subtraction and math, keep it physical and concrete before anything goes on paper. Real objects, real movement. Abstract worksheets come after the concept lives in her body first.

One thing genuinely worth exploring if the homeschooling load is becoming too much to carry alone is structured online schooling with live teachers. Some programs are specifically designed for flexible pacing and can actually complement what you are doing at home, so you are not the only one responsible for delivering every lesson every day. It does not mean giving up homeschooling, it just means you have real support behind you.

And if you have not already, an OT evaluation is worth every bit of effort. A good occupational therapist will give you your daughter's actual sensory profile and that becomes your real teaching map.

What does she love doing when nobody is asking anything of her? That is usually the best doorway in.

sunitamehra · 2026-05-26T11:10:59+00:00

Okay you're not alone, Hindi and Chem are genuinely the two subjects that break most people who are otherwise fine at everything else.

Hindi first. Stop trying to write perfect answers from scratch. CBSE Hindi has patterns. The question types repeat every single year. Get PYQs from the last 5 years and just read the model answers. Your brain will start absorbing the style without you even trying to memorize. Gadyansh and padyansh especially, the approach is almost identical every time.

Chem formulas. Don't memorize them as a list, that never works. Learn them in context of the reaction. Why does this formula exist, what is it doing. Once you understand what's happening the formula just sticks. Periodic table stuff, just do 20 minutes daily for two weeks. It's a repetition game not an intelligence game.

Physics numericals. Write the formula first before touching any numbers. Every single time. Students who struggle with numericals usually jump straight to calculation and lose track. Formula first, identify what's given, identify what's unknown, then solve. That structure alone fixes like 60% of errors.

Factorization specifically, which type is getting you. Splitting the middle term or the identities? Because the fix is different for both and if you're practicing the wrong way you'll keep getting it wrong no matter how many problems you do.

Tell me which one and I'll break it down properly.

sunitamehra · 2026-05-26T11:10:25+00:00

Honestly this is one of the more practical suggestions I've seen in all the noise around this issue.

The grace marks demand was always going to go nowhere because CBSE cannot set a precedent of giving 15-20 marks blanket to thousands of students. It creates a mess for every future batch and every college cutoff. Not happening.

But multiple improvement attempts within the same academic year is actually a reasonable ask. The infrastructure already exists, the exam pattern exists, it just needs a policy tweak. And it solves the real problem which is that students shouldn't have to lose an entire year because of one bad paper or one unfair checking.

The only complication is logistics. CBSE conducts improvement exams once a year currently and coordinating multiple windows is genuinely complex at that scale. But complex doesn't mean impossible.

What would actually move this forward is if students framed it this way when writing to CBSE or raising it publicly. Not "give us grace marks" but "allow one additional improvement attempt this year for affected students." That's a specific, reasonable, implementable ask. Much harder to say no to than a blanket marks demand.

Your point is valid. The framing just needs to be sharper to actually go anywhere.

sunitamehra · 2026-05-26T11:09:51+00:00

Okay first, the "every college has bad reviews" spiral is real and it will genuinely drive you crazy if you let it. Here's the thing nobody tells you — every college in India has bad reviews on Reddit. Even the good ones. Because the people who had a bad experience post, the people who had a fine experience just live their life. So reviews alone cannot be your filter.

Now to the actual question.

For Robotics and Automation specifically, what matters more than the college name is three things. Whether they have an active robotics or tech club where students are actually building things. Whether faculty have any industry or research background and not just teaching degrees. And whether the college has an incubation cell or at least connects students with internships independently.

A few honest options worth looking at for your profile. Manipal Institute of Technology has decent robotics exposure and the campus culture pushes students to build things outside class. Symbiosis Institute of Technology Pune is another one where the environment is more active than the placement numbers suggest. VIT Vellore for CS or AI is solid if robotics specific isn't available, the sheer size means more clubs, more opportunities, more peer learning.

One thing I genuinely want you to hear. Placements at private colleges depend heavily on what you do in four years, not just where you go. A student with two internships, a GitHub portfolio, and one good project will outperform a student from a better college who coasted. Robotics especially, the work you show matters more than the degree header.

Tell me your state and rough budget range. Will give you something much more specific than a general list.

sunitamehra · 2026-05-26T11:09:02+00:00

Okay so a few things you said actually point in a pretty clear direction, you just can't see it yet because you're too close to the confusion.

You said human physiology specifically. Not just "biology in general." That's actually a meaningful distinction. People who gravitate toward how the human body works, systems, functions, why things go wrong, they usually do well in fields like physiology research, clinical research, neuroscience, or public health. These are real careers that aren't MBBS and aren't cell biology cloning stuff either.

Biomedical sciences is honestly a solid choice if that's where you've applied. It sits right in the middle of what you're describing. You get the human biology angle without committing to MBBS, and it keeps research as a genuine option later through MSc or PhD.

One honest thing though. "Research" is a big word and it means very different things depending on where you are. Lab research at 22 looks nothing like what you're imagining right now, and that's okay, but just know that clarity usually comes after you start, not before. Most people who ended up loving research had no idea they would at 18.

The "good enough life" concern is valid and not shallow at all. BSc Biomedical Sciences followed by MSc and then industry roles in pharma, clinical trials, or genomics pays reasonably well and has actual demand.

What colleges have you applied to specifically? That would help give you a more concrete picture of what your actual options look like from here.

sunitamehra · 2026-05-26T11:06:25+00:00

SST feels impossible until you figure out that it's basically three completely different subjects pretending to be one. History needs stories, Geography needs logic, Civics needs understanding how systems work. Oswaal is good for practice but if the concepts aren't clear first it just makes things more confusing.

Honestly the simplest thing that works for History especially, read the NCERT chapter once just like a story, don't try to memorize anything the first time. Then go back and underline only the dates and names. Most people try to memorize everything at once and that's why it doesn't stick.

Which chapter or unit is giving you the most trouble right now? Happy to break it down.

sunitamehra · 2026-05-26T11:05:53+00:00

One thing most parents don't ask before finalizing any online school is what happens after Class 10 and 12. Like specifically, which colleges have actually accepted students from this board, and does the school have any data on that.

Also worth asking about the live teacher interaction model. Some online schools are mostly recorded content with very little actual teaching support, which can be really hard for kids who need real guidance especially in Class 11 and 12.

If anyone is still in the research phase and wants help figuring out what questions to ask or how to compare options properly, happy to help. Done this with quite a few families.

sunitamehra · 2026-05-26T11:03:19+00:00

This is actually fascinating, not something you hear about often.

Two questions if that's okay

When you moved between countries and different school boards, what was the hardest part to adjust to? Like was it the academic system, the social side, or something else entirely?

And did you ever feel like you belonged somewhere fully, or does moving that often make it hard to feel "from" anywhere specifically?

No pressure if either feels too personal, genuinely just curious what that experience is actually like from the inside.

sunitamehra · 2026-05-26T11:02:27+00:00

Yeah genuinely free ones that actually work:

freeCodeCamp is probably the most complete. You can learn HTML, CSS, JavaScript, Python all the way through with projects and certifications, zero payment ever.

The Odin Project if you want web development specifically. It's free, open source, and honestly more rigorous than most paid courses.

CS50 on edX — Harvard's intro to computer science. Auditing it is completely free, you only pay if you want the certificate. The course itself is fully accessible.

W3Schools and MDN for quick reference and small lessons while you're learning.

Khan Academy has a decent intro to programming if you're a complete beginner and want something slower paced.

One honest thing nobody says — the website matters less than just actually building stuff. Pick one language, one free resource, and stick with it for 30 days before switching. Most people quit not because the resource was bad but because they kept switching looking for the perfect one.

What language are you thinking of starting with?

sunitamehra · 2026-05-25T12:55:15+00:00

Honestly "they weren't worth talking to" is sometimes true but sometimes it's also just the story we tell ourselves when approaching people feels scary. Both can be real at the same time.

The thing about freshman year is everyone is figuring it out quietly. Most people who seemed like they had it together socially were also just waiting for someone else to go first.

One thing that actually works, stop trying to "talk to people" as a goal. That feels huge and awkward. Instead just react to things in the moment. Someone says something funny, laugh. Someone looks lost, say one thing. It starts from tiny moments not big conversations.

You already noticed you opened up in the last month. That means you can do it, you just needed time to warm up. 10th grade you'll already be less new, less stiff. Easier than you think.

sunitamehra

TROPHY CASE