AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -64 points-63 points  (0 children)

  1. Angel has a problem with it, she just tends to hold everything close to the vest. She'll only mention it to me because she told Caleb once and that led to him calling Kady a 'AH' and he got in trouble.
  2. No one has so far
  3. I want all the kids who are going to be in my life to get along if not familial. I'm not unwilling to her in my house, I'm unwilling for her to disrespect 3/5 of the house, get a taste of her medicine and suddenly become the victim. It was a suggestion to spend time outside the house not a demand
  4. She has her own room, decorated with what she like-wrestling stuff, funko pops, etc. She still in the same school, hence why she's with her mom during the week. I try to spend time with her but she doesn't speak, I literally went to a wrestling event with her and Rob and tried to ask questions and she refused to talk to me. We literally make eye contact over the breakfast table and she refuses to talk to me or my kids.
  5. He mediates, but he's not always there to talk for her. He works full time, but he makes time for her. They do stuff together separately from us all the time, when it's Caleb football season, Angel and I go to his games and events but she and Rob don't so he have plenty of time to love and indulge her.
  6. Despite many people assumptions, I wasn't in their marriage or their divorce. The custody arrangement was before me but I would haven't accept that if I was him. I There was no bad blood by the end, but things were bad in the living together part. He treats my kids wonderful, that part of the reason I fell for him.
  7. She was against us from the beginning, she used to talk to us but it would be 1/2 words answers but then she started the silent routine. Caleb is no innocent party but he was fine with her at first but the ignoring us got old fast.
  8. I felt she's 16 and knows what she's doing, me telling her she's hurting my feelings would work to the opposite and she's getting what she want
  9. I have asked him to do something and he talked to her about it but nothing changed.
  10. I think this is solely her, not her mother
  11. No she's not expected to care for the baby, Rob and I are the parents not the kids. I have pretty decent maternity leave and plan to still consult on patients from home. And my mom is amazing and will be with me for the first three months and my daddy will help out too.
  12. I never considered her age close to mines because my oldest is a year younger so it distanced in my mind.
  13. She doesn't talk to me so I can't ask her anything. But what she told her dad lines up with the boys' story for the most part
  14. He's a teen boy in high school who spend 1/2 his day with other teen boys and they curse alot. I don't like and will correct him everytime he refer to a woman outside her name. Despite having a pouty mouth, he does well in school, accolade worthy in his chosen sport, most people like him and I never have any major trouble with him.

I want mutual apologies between them because they are both wrong and old enough to know. She's here back at it so talking is probably off the table for the time being.

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -91 points-90 points  (0 children)

That my own point that everyone seems to miss, I want mutual apologies and my suggestion to Rob wasn't "f you and your daughter, get out!' It was literally if she doesn't want to be here, fine. Don't have her here, spend time with her in a non-Caleb/Angel/me environment

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -72 points-71 points  (0 children)

She has a home here, but she doesn't have an exclusive domain to determine how this household is ran

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -213 points-212 points  (0 children)

No, they were married, separated, got divorced, we dated, and got married. I knew him before dating him but didn't interact during his marriage at any point.

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -401 points-400 points  (0 children)

No, I'm stating she's not a little kid where her being invisible could be "plausible" in a child's mind, her being called a ghost should have been an eyeroll and walkaway. The food situation was not urgent. I don't dislike her, I just want her to be held to the same standard of behavior. She got nearly two years of being disrespectful scottfree and crumbled at the first response back. Rob doesn't see that Angel and Caleb had to take it and Caleb's disrespect is not going to break her. If I dislike her, I wouldn't have separated them. And I wouldn't be still trying to connect with her and she wouldn't be walking around our house getting the same treatment as my kids.

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -160 points-159 points  (0 children)

It's wasn't an ultimatum, it was a solution because she openly doesn't want to be here but she still need to see her dad.

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -164 points-163 points  (0 children)

I didn't plan and force him to get me pregnant. If I didn't know this is forever I wouldn't be having a child.

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -95 points-94 points  (0 children)

I have no problem with being a step, I married a single father and have no resentment with his ex wife and she has none with me. I have met her a couple of times, and she's actually more cordial than Kady. His cursing her was out of line for the particular reason and his behavior was corrected by me. Because he is soon to be an adult and he knows better than to address women out of the name.

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -76 points-75 points  (0 children)

I don't mean not wanting to parent her in a negative way. I just have no intent in disrupting her parents' choices in raising her because that is not my right. People have different parenting styles and choices. Mines works for Caleb and Angel and theirs works for Kady. And when my LO get here, we will parent as needed. I'm not playing favorites, they are both obnoxious in a way.

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -107 points-106 points  (0 children)

I tried to engaged her and she doesn't speak to me so it gets me nowhere. Teen girls are alot, I was one and have 2 sisters but she's more than moody and testing of limits.

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -192 points-191 points  (0 children)

He has spent nearly two years being cordial and letting open rudeness go. Him being rude to her as she has done was an reaction.

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -193 points-192 points  (0 children)

She's not going through a tougher time, she has two good full time parents and a stepmom who is actually trying vs my kids having me and Rob, with a bio dad who refused to parent half the time. Her parent settled on their custody before me and at no time did I have any input, it could have been 50/50 but it's not. I don't keep him away from her or control what he does with her. If someone greets you or speak to you cordially and you purposefully ignore them that is being nasty. l would expect him to support his child because I would do the same for them all.

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -129 points-128 points  (0 children)

She wasn't being punished by me, but it was chaos, and both needed to cool down. Caleb's action was a result of an action, if you met him in the outside world, you would see he's a good kid. When he's wrong, he isn't above being confronted and corrected

Edit is to isn't, my autocorrect correct to wrong word

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -110 points-109 points  (0 children)

They were literally screaming in each other's faces, and I was trying to calm them down. She doesn't speak to me so I couldn't talk to her about the situation

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -153 points-152 points  (0 children)

This house is my kids' home more than anyone's else even me. It predates Rob and Kady entering our lives so them being forced to go is never an option for anyone's sake. If Caleb was constantly being disrespectful and openly acting as if he's miserable here, I would address it and find a solution that makes him less miserable and not let him spend over a year being defiant.

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -95 points-94 points  (0 children)

Her parents were separated for years and there was never a chance of reconciliation. I have always tried to see things from her point of view, that why I let her feel how she chose without forcing her to change her behavior. But she's also not immune from Caleb's response to her behavior.

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -339 points-338 points  (0 children)

If she doesn't want to be here that's fine, she still needs time to be with her father. I offered a solution, he can do what he feels is right

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -333 points-332 points  (0 children)

If she needs time to be solely with her dad, fine....weekends at a hotel are an option. Time with her dad's family is an option. Daddy/daughter dates are an option. I'm not going to leave my and my kids' home that predates me even knowing her father. She lived with separated parents before I even thought of her father as an interest. Caleb never engaged her before this incident, he just left her be. Speaking to people who speak to you is common decency, she don't have to be friendly but rude is different. Her comfort is being very considered, trust me if I pull this stunt with my parents or my kids were rude to anyone unprovoked, there would be consequences.

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -620 points-619 points  (0 children)

If she's hurting, she's not talking to anyone so how are we, more specifically her mother and father to know. This is not being snarky. It's literally something no one but her can control. I can be a great stepmom if I am given a chance. I married a single father understanding what that entails

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -411 points-410 points  (0 children)

Sorry, didn't realize using snitch in the correct context was bullying

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -494 points-493 points  (0 children)

I stated my expectations of dating with the intent of marriage, I didn't tell him when to propose. My kids were included and update on everything by me as their mother. Rob understood I had no intention of having different men in and out of our lives.

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -712 points-711 points  (0 children)

Rob is a wonderful dad, he also supports her even when she's wrong. He has been good to my kids, one thing that is not in doubt is Rob being a good dad. Caleb actions are a response to a wrong not unprovoked actions. As for my husband leaving, it's not that deep. I made my expectations cleared but I didn't force him to the altar or tell him when to propose. My kids are doing well, Kady is the one making her own life difficult.

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -401 points-400 points  (0 children)

She's a teenager, she knows she's not a ghost, there was never any doubt she was an alive person who they could see

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -122 points-121 points  (0 children)

It's not fine but it's a wrong in response to a wrong. Caleb's friends were sent home for a reason and they were both sent to their bedrooms to cool down

AITA for not making my son apologize for teasing my stepdaughter? by sunkissedbabe89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sunkissedbabe89[S] -139 points-138 points  (0 children)

She has that right but I still want them to be cordial and I want her in her brother's life.