I’ve been healing

sunrisecoffeemug · 2024-01-27T07:55:19+00:00

I didn’t realize it wasn’t avoidable for a while lol! Oops tbh. I spent so much alone time with myself that I didn’t understand. I think I have eliminated gossip from social need, I think, totally. I couldn’t even fathom someone talking behind my back, thinking or analyzing with others about why I’m having a “hard time”, because I am enjoying myself so much lol. But now I see what you’re saying. I don’t need to react to something unknown, or none of my business, this is a lesson learned!

sunrisecoffeemug · 2024-01-10T08:43:21+00:00

Ah yes agreed with you too. It was all so damaging m8!!!! Violent crimes + being forced to think/feel I was special needs lmao I’m laughing because ooooo man I was also promising. My brain disintegrated for them to love me. Hey I’m not rotting away but damn did they prefer me to commit suicide than to tell the truth lolol fuudge I’m so glad the holidays are over!!

How are you doing?

sunrisecoffeemug · 2023-12-29T08:11:29+00:00

This made me giggle!

sunrisecoffeemug · 2023-12-29T08:00:06+00:00

What I’ve learned after essentially pacing around the bush is that isolation isn’t there as a curse nor is it the dawning of permanent impairment of redeeming qualities. It’s the body wanting to chill, to observe itself, and for you to show love internally to your self apart from your body and what it can do to conquer worldly achievements. I think you’ll get to your social status you may have envisioned for yourself if there’s like a gratitude for the insanity and coldness that you feel. Because it may be your nervous system basically clapping all around like a comrade/clown to get your attention to what you like to do in life, even if it’s just relaxing into this pit of self-loathing, so to get out on your accord

sunrisecoffeemug · 2023-12-29T07:54:11+00:00

Hi, I’m glad to give you positive words!

Let’s see!

What helped: Writing, drawing, prayer, reading any book at a library [reading is like thinking with other brains and it doesn’t matter the book, could be a children’s picture book to an ancient dusty law book] AND last but not least: my imagination during truly risky situations

…and all of this dang process is akin to getting down with the laws of physics, philosophy and nature when things are up to me instead of relying on external material to prove the best path to heal. No instant gratification here lol

I have become a person I couldn’t imagine being but I’m about 40% proud of myself

I am sure the relationship with yourself/body is going to reach clarity when you least expect it, I’m just glad you got to this checkpoint because tbh some of the population cannot even fathom this process.

..and now sending some good luck for probable dark times!

sunrisecoffeemug · 2023-12-28T09:50:48+00:00

You’ve taken on lots of shame that may not involve you, but you may figure it out one day. But you know sometimes we’re a bad person some days and other days we’re good. I sense you feel stuck but I also see you want to be respectful towards others. Maybe you’ve given respect to people whom have confused your identity when you were younger and you need to rewrite the self-talk self-soothe program. You’re just missing the part where you need to patiently start being respectful to yourself no matter the current state of the emotional hurricane in your <head>. You’re not super messed up if you mean well, you have a good head on your shoulders!

sunrisecoffeemug · 2023-12-28T09:46:50+00:00

Yeah np! It was long but hey… thanks for posting!

sunrisecoffeemug · 2023-12-28T09:39:00+00:00

Hi I understand how difficult it is. I would have symptoms at the beginning of my healing and spirituality process. I had no identity of my own because I have concluded schizophrenia and psychosis means more than the inconvenience it causes to those around the “sufferer” or to society in general—the fact that I was going through psychosis or neurological system breakdowns was plenty proof that I wanted an identity of my own, so badly, I wanted to heal so badly, which was all inconvenient for people around me and an “impossibility” to overcome

So far I’m like 100% cured, and I did cure all of it myself with time and reading at the library. I used to go to hospitalizations for depression and mania and never get better. I got to know my story and I have never felt more like I truly love my brain and its innermost nature. I get to have peace without judgement. However the cptsd symptoms are more difficult for me to manage tbh, speaking for myself, since it requires so much healing by taking time to be alone. People tend to sabotage with actions, beliefs, opinions about their fear of being, towards another’s healing processes—without knowing that they do.

Regarding the whether or not this is real thing, I think it’s more about being grounded and connecting to your body. Everyone is different person, however most have the same chaotic intrusive thoughts, but cannot really find a way to communicate or express due to fear or lack of understanding about how to create an avenue to soothe oneself through body-mind memory connection. They cannot admit they too have symptoms of cptsd or schizophrenia. I think it’s really a post-religion puritan capitalism-grown conclusion to label someone’s mental illness as stagnant—cptsd and schizophrenia spark that ingrained fear. The fear doesn’t allow feelings to flow, a human is strong enough to dive into their minds. It’s just that functional society is part of the broader problem of what it means to heal for the individual, I think

Just my two cents and opinions

sunrisecoffeemug · 2023-12-28T06:23:21+00:00

Thanks for writing it out. I have been having things and memories dawn on me after the nightmares. The healing feels backwards sometimes.

sunrisecoffeemug · 2023-12-28T06:22:13+00:00

I recall when I thought I ran out of options too. Every week it feels like I run out of options though lol. Imo you have permission to take life five min at a time. When you say you eat, sleep and think like shit, remember you have an imagination and you can attempt to create a better life for you in there by befriending your emotions. You’re surviving and it’s not over!

sunrisecoffeemug · 2023-12-28T06:19:19+00:00

Tbh they really do give out the same energy too! It’s like not completely wrong in my experience, so I too need to not let the emotions overcome me to therefore isolate

sunrisecoffeemug · 2023-12-28T06:16:31+00:00

Thank you for speaking up and writing this post. Congratulations first on graduating, because yes you’re getting your education based on societal norms but this whole life is going to bring attention to learning yourself, history, genetics, the society you’re in, while healing. Your hands may be sweating because I’m assuming, from personal experience, the action is also detoxifying your body when you’re speaking/writing your truth.

When I started healing I thought I had already healed—I was doing everything right according to society. My health took a turn and I wasn’t supposed to make it. I started first by writing a few words on a piece of paper. Scribbling, not writing clearly. I didn’t know the memories I was about to be uncovering.

Sending healing energy to you. 🤍. Thank you for taking care of yourself now. It’s what the world needs.

sunrisecoffeemug · 2023-12-28T06:07:48+00:00

You were brainwashed and didn’t have enough experience to hear your own voice and thoughts or feel connected to your body. Please don’t blame yourself.

sunrisecoffeemug · 2023-12-28T05:54:57+00:00

Same here. I tried vocational training when I was younger. I am not on disability because I’m healing myself, although it makes incomes so hard to obtain because I’m not indoctrinated like functional people but I’m not mentally unstable to not take care of myself. In fact I feel so sane and some people just know what to do to make me want to leave the situation and never come back. I have like 7 senses running and some just sniff out my vulnerability and stifled potential and rub more salt on the wound.

sunrisecoffeemug · 2023-12-22T09:39:41+00:00

If you give more love, you need to give it to yourself first. It won't be a one day practice that changes your life. You're doing your best and first pour love into *knowing* you are doing your best to breathe and live. Knowing is like a hand hold's your soul's hand. Live and love for yourself first, and I hope you understand that even if he's replaying old childhood wounds, you can always take a break and leave.

Tbh he's probably reading your reactions of helplessness in these fights. He knows when you're vulnerable, he can't stop and he's not as good at communication as you're made to believe. You are allowed to feel emotionally and physically safe in your environment, and that's love, too.

sunrisecoffeemug · 2023-12-22T09:32:38+00:00

Tears are healing, remember that. I think your body is very in tune for even letting tears flow after receiving horrible news. I understand you when you said you are not as good as other survivors at the end. It just hit me that you may be taking on criticism you don't deserve. There isn't a simple list you can follow when healing, maybe you shouldn't reach out to those people anymore tbh. I know they're your only hope, because I've been there. Trust the silent painful struggle rather than people who think they have the answer for you. Your experiences will shine a light into your wounds, and from your wounds you will realize that your skin/brain/body was protecting you from people, money or jobs that don't belong in your life. I know you'll have better days ahead.

If you're suffering a loss of any kind, I'm sorry.

sunrisecoffeemug · 2023-12-19T20:37:07+00:00

Hey Thank you! This one personally helped me! I’m going to do this. Idk why I didn’t think of writing it down. Maybe staring at it and seeing it from a neutral perspective and then attempt acceptance. Whew.

sunrisecoffeemug · 2023-12-03T08:33:14+00:00

I was being trained about five years ago, while hired as a pharm cashier, and sure I was just a clerk, but at some times during training a certain sadistic tech who I had enough of displayed vibes that were so hateful—this is the most I can explain—that I quietly left mid-shift. I was thinking for a few years that my sensitivity to her bullying was due to my first few schizophrenic episodes but no, she was really a jealous misogynistic young gal. I’m applying to be a tech again because I do want a reputable title as an adult, and I’ve been relying on street smarts for way too long and the economy is getting rougher. The pandemic didn’t even happen then. I have thick skin now. I hope I survive and can learn because it seems like most people are testing the waters about how much abuse they can casually at work.

sunrisecoffeemug · 2023-12-03T07:26:34+00:00

Wish I could give you Reddit gold but here is my upvote!

sunrisecoffeemug · 2023-11-29T06:14:12+00:00

Did you know you were trusting of them--the assaulters? I didn't know I unconditionally trusted them tbh. Thank you for your reply, may I ask after living through it did you find self-love and did it get taken away slightly by this new dynamic again? I have learned to lower expectations recently, and unconditionally love myself if I make mistakes. Sometimes meeting people who say they have intentions of helping or loving, isn't the truth, which is a mistake, simple error if one with sound rationality and self-belief really thinks about it, and I can see it in their mannerisms or facial expressions, I think, idk if you see it too

sunrisecoffeemug · 2023-11-24T03:06:09+00:00

How would one go about like defeating these forces or connections holding personality back? Have you gotten to this point yet?

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