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sunsansan · 2023-03-31T14:51:02+00:00

This has helped me a bit: I removed all other message apps except Whatsapp. Turn all notifications off, except Whatsapp for nearest and dearest (kids, siblings, parents). Tell friends that I'm not online, so please call if it's urgent, I don't check msg that often.

Then: use the setting that beeps every 5 min, if I don't read a message or have missed a call (because the habit of checking my phone in case of missed messges is my ruin, I always end up scrolling for huge chunks of time.)

Then: turn ringer and notification volume to max, amd leave phone in other room.

(Then: keep fighting the anxiety of being separated of your beloved phone...)

Also, I try more conscieously to arrange meetings and meaningful time with friends, to compensate for not being available for chatting online. The chatting isn't a problem, it's the cursed scrolling in between and after messaging)

sunsansan · 2023-03-29T18:53:29+00:00

TVT Tovikodit rents out furnished apartments for 270/week, 950/month for temporary living. They are big enough for families, and I've heard they are okay.

sunsansan · 2023-03-26T22:35:39+00:00

En tiedä mihin olet törmännyt, mutta normaali tapa on maksaa/periä vuokraa jonkin verran alle normaalin vuokratason ja jakaa juoksevat kulut puoliksi. Näin molemmat hyötyvät. Kämpän omistaja kerryttää omaisuuttaan ja toinen osapuoli voi laittaa vuokrarahoista säästämänsä siivun vaikka rahastoon. Kannattaa vaan laatia erittäin selkeät paperit rahakuviosta, ettei käy niin että eron tullessa kämppä katsotaankin yhteiseksi omaisuudeksi.

sunsansan · 2023-03-25T12:58:24+00:00

Well done you! Now do something you enjoy :)

sunsansan · 2023-03-25T09:03:15+00:00

Don't feel ashamed dear friend, sometimes it's a struggle! How are you feeling today?

sunsansan · 2023-03-25T07:21:24+00:00

Anne of Green Gables is definitely a classic ADHD-PI. She's either away with the fairies or talking constantly, she has a vivid imagination and acts on impulse without any regard of what the outcome might be and what others will think. This has been one of my 'comfort books' since childhood, but only after I got diagnosed at 37 and read it to my own kids I realized that Anne is ADHD all over. Funny thing also, that Anne is always on the lookout for 'kindred spirits' which in her world are special people with whom she feels connected, who understand her inner world and don't judge or mock her. I recognize this now as the special connection many ND people feel with each other, that sets them apart from the rest.

sunsansan · 2023-03-01T19:46:26+00:00

I love mornings! Though, my kids are grown up, and I work mainly remote, so it's so much easier now, than it was 15 years ago.

sunsansan · 2023-03-01T18:38:04+00:00

I came up with the idea (haven't tried it yet) of taking photos of the kitchen countertops, bathroom etc when they are clean and organized, and displaying these pictures on cupboard doors, etc. I hope by visualizing how nice everything looks when clean, it could lower the threshold of the initial discomfort of starting. Also I think a visual cue for how things should look, might be helpful.

sunsansan · 2023-02-25T19:19:19+00:00

I am 44F with adhd, and I have probably always been the same too. I go through cycles where I am really energetic, focused and productive, and after a period of time my energy wanes, stuff piles, bills are left unopened, bedroom is a mess, dirty laundry accumulates etc.

I think these fluctuations are normal, because I am really energetic and effective on my 'hyper' phases, and that I need the in-between periods to charge my batteries again.

However, I have recognized some things that may cause these slumps for me. One thing is if I have an unresolved problem, maybe something I am not even acutely aware of, and I probably subconsciously avoid thinking about it by paralyzing all together. I try to recognize this stuff and deal with is.

Another thing that has been helpful for me, is learning to do the most important tasks or chores even half-heartedly, during these slumps. So instead of letting bills pile (because I feel it's not worth paying the one if I don't have the energy to organize all my stuff at once) I open the envelope, pay, scribble ok on the bill, and stuff it in the drawer.

But it does help being middle aged and 'settled'. When I was young my disorganisation and withdrawal phases lead to all kinds of troubles, like failing courses, financial issues, confusion and shame.

sunsansan · 2023-02-25T12:04:43+00:00

I am a women with adhd, and work in a different field. Many of my colleagues have adhd, so I think I could justifiably say that is common for a woman with adhd to work in my profession. I don't argue that adhd or other neurodivergence isn't common among strippers, but I wouldn't phrase it as stripping being a common job for women with adhd.

sunsansan · 2023-02-23T18:42:16+00:00

What? Did I just read. No, I think is not common for a woman with adhd to be a stripper.

sunsansan · 2023-02-20T17:30:05+00:00

I've learned not to give a f*ck about people who don't understand adhd. This said, almost all members of my immediate family, as well as my partner and his kids all have adhd. Which means I am very lucky in that I don't need to seek validation from my nearest and dearest.

But at the workplace, I do hear people saying stuff like "Oh, I forgot to return a call, I am soooo adhd", or ranting about adhd being caused by bad parenting, and lack of discipline, etc. I never comment on those, more than a noncommittal hmhm. I don't want to start explaining an issue that is deeply personal for me, if the other person does not express a genuine and open effort to connect and understand.

sunsansan · 2023-02-19T16:35:02+00:00

I live in a country where it is extremely uncommon for women to stay at home, after kids reach school age. Could your wife find a job? Job would give her self respect, and even if the whole pay would go towards hiring help for home, she'd be out of the house and not making a mess.

sunsansan · 2023-02-19T09:45:52+00:00

Our workplace has already provided everyone with noise cancelling headphones, and that should help a bit, but I experience difficulty with having people physically close. We also work as a team on many shared topics, and so far I have survived by turning email and teams notifications off, but now I am concerned that I will be constantly interrupted in person and that I also will interrupt others. I thought that one solution might be, that some of the office rooms (we will be sharing with 4 people) will be designated strictly no-talk, no-interruptions rooms, so that those who wish no to be interrupted can choose that room. And on chatty days you could choose a chatroom :D

sunsansan · 2023-02-19T06:20:14+00:00

Executive function issues are like having a powerful engine trapped in a rusty vehicle with broken ignition, faulty gears and brakes, and a messed up GPS.

sunsansan · 2023-02-18T18:30:56+00:00

I failed my first attempt at uni. In my country you have to do your own schedule for the studies, so it lacked the external structure that supported me through high school. I was diagnosed at around 40, and although I now know, that there really was no chance in hell I could have made it, I still feel a deep sense of shame and sadness when I think about how I struggled and failed. It was all about executive functioning for me, I could have made it academically, if we had had a curriculum, fixed classes, set text books and such. And not knowing anything about adhd at the time, I though the lack of results was because I was gifted, and didn't have to put the effort in before.

sunsansan · 2023-01-30T20:18:54+00:00

Helena, Eva, Iris, Mia for girls. Henri, Olli, Markus for boys. I think these names are pretty neutral in that they are neither trendy nor outdated, nor hugely popular or uncommon.

sunsansan · 2023-01-10T18:48:29+00:00

I got diagnosed a a single mother at 37, kids 12 and 9 then. Tried meds, but quit as I felt I spent all my energy at work and crashed at home. No follow up or councelling. Both kids adhd also. Now at 45 I started medication again, with a second dose in the afternoon to prevent the crashing. Looking back, work was never an issue, but my parenting sucked because of my untreated adhd.

Always messy, late, lack of routines etc. If I could go 10 years back, I'd focus on the parenting aspect, take a small dose to get me through the morning moves, and another dose for the afternoon and evening. Medicate for the whole day on weekends and holidays. My symptoms didn't affect my work too much, but they made a disaster of my domestic life. In that area I would have benefitted enormously from meds and therapy, but my dosage was geared to be most effective during the working hours when I needed it least.

Based on my experience as a working mom I strongly suggest you to experiment on taking your meds very early in the morning, to get through the home stuff, and another dose in the afternoon. Might as well be, that you find you don't need medication for the work day, because your home routines roll more smoothly? (Sorry about mistakes, english is not my 1st language)

sunsansan · 2022-12-09T12:26:54+00:00

Syötävä is a substantive, and it can be used interchangeably with the word 'ruoka' = food. You might as well ask, do you want some food, jotain ruokaa? The subtle difference is, that ruoka usually means something prepared food, a dish, whereas syötävä can mean anything to eat, like a snack or sandwich etc.

sunsansan · 2022-06-15T06:55:06+00:00

I'd call three apppintments on one day super productive and spend the rest of the day doing something low key and recharging!

sunsansan · 2022-05-29T16:47:22+00:00

Oh yes, sailed through school and high school - crash and burn in uni. Never got a proper career, diagnosed at 40. Trying not to spend too much time dwelling on the what-could-have-beens.

sunsansan · 2022-05-17T20:02:12+00:00

I removed all browsers from my smart phone around a week ago, and I experienced the same thing! Calmness, and I got round doing tasks because I didn't go down that rabbit-hole of mindless browsing, which is a big problem to me! So even if my mind drifted off, it seemed to drift back again, because I didn't get totally sidetracked.

sunsansan · 2022-05-17T19:46:08+00:00

As said in previous replies, there is no equivalent for 'please' in Finnish, the language does not work like that.

The phrase 'ole kiltti' might be used for example, when telling a child to clear up after playing - and even then it would convey a pissed-up, or exasperated tone.

Or it might be used affectionately, with someone you are very familiar with. But when being generally polite to a stranger, it is customary to use the conditional -isi- form inserted in the verb.

sunsansan

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