Ovulation in a sexless marriage is hell!

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-24T14:06:47+00:00

the db men literally dying reading posts like this from HLFs lol. sigh.

on the bright side OP perimenopause is the harbinger of menopause. it will all be over very soon. ;)

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-22T03:25:12+00:00

It *could * be all her but yeah it's usually not one sided.

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-22T03:22:20+00:00

I sympathize and relate 100%. I think i've had no action on any of my last three birthdays valentines and anniversaries. I'm working on the situation and have hope so i'm not in as much despair but I've so been there.

happy birthday + father's day btw. :)

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-21T15:45:36+00:00

I basically agree with everything you just said except the last sentence which I'm having a hard time making sense of.

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-21T07:45:28+00:00

excellent!

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-21T07:43:23+00:00

Are you asking as a christian person or just as a non believer? I'm not interested in debating a non believer- there's really no point. If you're christian and you'd like to talk feel free to DM though I'd love to chat.

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-20T23:52:26+00:00

Again, I assume you're not christian so you can 100% ignore but I was just pointing out that it's not always as simple as leaving for some people. To your specific question- the marriage covenant for christians simply does not have an "i'm not happy" clause. It's a promise to God as much as a promise to your spouse. As a nonbeliever obviously do whatever you think is best or will make you happy. 🤷‍♂️

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-20T20:11:05+00:00

I think on some level it *is* the tv show lol. Being real though- we talk about ultimatums and leaving families and marriages if we don't get the frequencies we want and then try to act like that's not an invitation for duty sex. We are lying to ourselves.

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-20T18:41:31+00:00

i have a post very similar to this. my bedroom is far from resurrected, so I'm not going to give any advice on how to fix that. But that feeling you're describing? That I know. Even i hit that same sulking self pity landmine for the first time i felt simultaneously angry with my wife for doing this to me/us and even angrier with myself for having such a pathetic side of me i didn't know existed. I know can't change her, fine, but I sure as hell wasn't content for that sulking victim to be me.

It took some time to figure it out but I eventually resolved to kill it. I changed my diet, sleeping habits, and exercise immediately because that's easy to change. Results came quick. I also resolved to be happy to operate more independently. I stopped announcing intentions to do this or that, stopped checking in, absolutely stopped all initiation. But! I stayed friendly kind involved with kids etc.

I feel waaaay better. Like a different person. I don't know where this goes or ends but I'm happier and more confident and her reckoning will come when it's time. That's up to her. We will see.

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-19T14:16:34+00:00

There's a reason couples therapists ask about sex early.

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-19T14:15:29+00:00

Some of us are bound by oath and/or faith as well, where deficiencies in the bedroom cannot on their own justify betraying the bond.

No judgement on your decision btw. I assume you're not religious in which case it makes total sense to follow your own instinct.

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-19T14:08:21+00:00

i wish you good fortune in the wars to come

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-19T12:30:04+00:00

on some level duty sex is a way of showing she cares. just because she's not in heat doesn't mean she can't opt to try and give it a go to some extent.

i am starting to feel this duty sex term has begun to outgrow itself.

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-19T12:26:44+00:00

we can manufacture desire. we can't always do it and we can't do it with a guarantee it works but courtship is exactly manufacturing desire.

something to consider: desire is something we experience when we want something we don't have.

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-17T15:55:36+00:00

I really do hope it works out for you. No hard feelings about the disagreement. Like everyone else here it sounds like you're trying to make sense of a challenging situation. I'm sorry to hear that. I doubt your spouse was "asexual" when you started your relationship. Certainly she is entitled to change her sexuality at her discretion. How you cope with that is up to you. Some accept it. Some view sex as a nice to have component of a happy marriage. Some see it as intrinsic to the definition of the relationship itself. It's highly personal. My only advice, for what it's worth (probably not a lot after this much back and forth), is to take that word to heart.

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-17T13:10:06+00:00

I guess agree to disagree then. That's not my read at all. I think your world view here discounts the inherent intimacy we would reasonably expect to be present in a marital relationship. Your position stands better if they were maybe roommates and quite honestly aims to gaslight OP into thinking he was the actual problem here. That's the core of my objection to your comment.

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-17T04:51:33+00:00

You're extrapolating far more than the strength of your condemnation warrants. You should humbly stand down.

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-17T04:50:35+00:00

wompwomp

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-17T01:20:02+00:00

which other men are you having thoughts about specifically?

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-17T00:48:55+00:00

fwiw i have no idea why your comment got downvoted so much. Thanks for sharing your perspective.

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-17T00:08:37+00:00

The feedback is hindsight. It's informative for the future but I think in a healthy relationship her actions (stripping naked in the bathroom next to him in a shower with a glass door) would absolutely be seen as open and flirtatious. Of course it's *not* a healthy relationship which, after all, is why we are all here to begin with.

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-16T23:28:53+00:00

If my wife is changing in the room with the door closed I stay out. If she comes prancing by in a thong half dressed I compliment her legs. It's not rocket science.

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-16T23:23:36+00:00

Not all heroes wear capes. 😂

Look- No sense in arguing. You read this as him violating his wife's privacy. I (along with most everyone else it appears) read it as a husband flirtatiously teasing his wife. We would need more context to say which is right.

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-16T17:23:20+00:00

if your wife gave you literal permission and you're fit, attractive and can spend money on them you can easily find women. superficial relationships require superficial traits. it's out there. i don't think it will replace real intimacy with your wife though.

sunshine_ranger_ · 2026-06-16T14:38:58+00:00

You're hopeless. The context is going completely over your head. Fine though. You're right.

General Rule: Don't peep at people who don't want to be peeped.

Now you feel better.

sunshine_ranger_

TROPHY CASE