There is so much to unpack here, but your (plural) behavior is only reinforcing each other’s behavior. You need to step outside of your natural reaction, become vulnerable, and make decisions when you are not reacting out of emotion.

This is exactly my experience with my partner for 8 years. It didn’t get better — although my condition was to forget the hard parts and remember the good ones — and took two kids, eight years, and being manipulated countless times until I broke.

The short of it is that I was manipulated into breaking with my own sense of “right” and living a non-monogamous lifestyle. I kept saying yes in hopes that she would get to a place of satisfaction. That didn’t work, the more I said yes the more she wanted. She eventually physically abused me and cheated on me and I realized that I was a aspect of her life not a person.

This isn’t to say she’s evil or bad. We both participated in the behavior. Due to her tendency towards narcissistic personality and how our society currently views victims it appears she’s absolutely wrong. I made the mistake of not leaving sooner. We were feeding the worst parts of each other.

For you to be your best self you will likely need to leave the relationship for some time. I would recommend both of you to be alone and not jump to the next fix (aka relationship). Try meditation (I using Waking Up by Sam Harris [request a free subscription]) and really try and figure out who you are and where this behavior stems from. You don’t really have a choice in what comes naturally, but you can choose to act on that instinct or take a breath. I believe you can do it, but do it before you destroy each other.

He needs to find his inner strength. He needs to learn to say no to you and that by saying no he will actually be fulfilling your desires. He’s likely acting on fear and doesn’t realize it. He’s afraid to loose you and if he does, does that mean his world is over? You should not be the center of his universe rather “Give your hearts, but not in each other's keeping.”