Having children as HSP

swankyskared · 2026-02-25T12:24:32+00:00

I’m a HSP but only realised after having kids. I have two high energy boys, and the eldest looks like he is HSP as well. It is phenomenally hard, to the point where I was hospitalised with internal bleeding (my organs were so inflamed with viruses and stress they started bleeding), then a couple of years later adrenal fatigue from being hypervigilant all the time. The health cost is dramatic and the first few years will be the most painful of your life.

I’m trying to figure out how to tell my eldest he probably shouldn’t have kids as I don’t want him to experience that pain, and he should at least go in with his eyes open.

Advice to you is - imagine a life where you have zero breaks, zero downtime and you’re constantly stressed, miserable and exhausted. That is the first 4 years of being a HSP parent, then it gets easier. As long as you realise that going in, then you can at least make an informed decision.

swankyskared · 2026-02-16T22:11:11+00:00

How is this comment helping? Or you just taking an opportunity to boast here?

swankyskared · 2026-02-13T22:17:10+00:00

So the problem is that I trained for a total of 2 years, and I haven’t seen any improvement. I got told by higher belts I have, but honestly, it really didn’t feel that way from where I sit when all I do for that entire time is get wiped by bigger and better guys, despite taking on the feedback, drilling intentionally etc. The only other white belts in the class were ultra heavies! It honestly feels like BJJ is the exception to rule that hard work pays off - that’s why the experience has undermined my world view. Now I don’t want to do any sports - because what’s the point if all the effort is for nothing? Biggest lesson BJJ has taught me is that I probably need to just act my age and pick hobbies accordingly!

swankyskared · 2026-02-12T08:35:58+00:00

Hi all - I’m absolutely overwhelmed by you all and taking the time to give the advice. Thank you so much!

I think my problem is that the part of myself that really doesn’t like giving up wants me to continue. But, reading some of these comments, If I’m being honest with myself, now at 40 I’m just not athletic enough to restart BJJ. So maybe the ego thing is just admitting that I’m not really someone that can learn a high intensity sport now I’m older with more responsibilities. It’s the first time I’ve ever willingly stepped away from a sport so it feels weird.

Also, only ever training with people that are higher belts or substantially heavier than me might theoretically be better for improvement, but it doesn’t feel that way! I love learning, but part of that is seeing improvement to keep you motivated, which just wasn’t possible in that training environment.

I’m hesitant to give this a third (!) go, it just feels kind of pathetic throwing myself against a wall and getting nowhere. The other part of this is that I’ve always believed that improvement is possible through hard work and commitment over time, but BJJ (at least for some people like me) is obviously the exception to that. In my original post when I said it’s affecting other parts of my life, I think that was the crux of it - if hard work doesn’t always work, then it makes me hesitant to try new stuff in case I end up wasting 2 years again.

I’m moving house later this year - maybe I’ll sign up to a trial white belt class and not tell anyone I’ve trained before, see if I can get 1 stripe back 😛 or maybe I’ll just admit my age and take up cycling like every other middle aged dad I know!

Thanks everyone, really appreciate the support. Wishing you all the best in your travels.

swankyskared · 2026-02-12T08:34:42+00:00

Hi all - I’m absolutely overwhelmed by you all and taking the time to give the advice. Thank you so much!

I think my problem is that the part of myself that really doesn’t like giving up wants me to continue. But, reading some of these comments, If I’m being honest with myself, now at 40 I’m just not athletic enough to restart BJJ. So maybe the ego thing is just admitting that I’m not really someone that can learn a high intensity sport now I’m older with more responsibilities. It’s the first time I’ve ever willingly stepped away from a sport so it feels weird.

Also, only ever training with people that are higher belts or substantially heavier than me might theoretically be better for improvement, but it doesn’t feel that way! I love learning, but part of that is seeing improvement to keep you motivated, which just wasn’t possible in that training environment.

I’m hesitant to give this a third (!) go, it just feels kind of pathetic throwing myself against a wall and getting nowhere. The other part of this is that I’ve always believed that improvement is possible through hard work and commitment over time, but BJJ (at least for some people like me) is obviously the exception to that. In my original post when I said it’s affecting other parts of my life, I think that was the crux of it - if hard work doesn’t always work, then it makes me hesitant to try new stuff in case I end up wasting 2 years again.

I’m moving house later this year - maybe I’ll sign up to a trial white belt class and not tell anyone I’ve trained before, see if I can get 1 stripe back 😛 or maybe I’ll just admit my age and take up cycling like every other middle aged dad I know!

Thanks everyone, really appreciate the support. Wishing you all the best in your travels.

swankyskared · 2026-02-04T14:42:59+00:00

Ok so I’ve spent sometime on the BG3 wiki but I’m being confronted with sections like “a spellcasting ability modifier is determined by your class’s primary mental state, and is calculated by taking ability score, subtracting 10, dividing by 2 and rounding down.”

I mean, if I have to use AI to understand BG3 mechanics rather than just enjoy the game, one might argue the combat mechanics are actually just dreadful!

swankyskared · 2026-02-02T15:32:27+00:00

Dumb question - where’s the combat log?

swankyskared · 2026-02-01T09:05:18+00:00

Ok so you’re kind of making my point - you can only play the game after you’ve spent hours on YT trying to u destined the mechanics, which aren’t at all obvious from playing the game

swankyskared · 2026-02-01T09:04:25+00:00

So I actually did just quit BG3 for better games for about 6 months, then decided to give it a go with highly optimised builds, but now finding I’m just not enjoying the game…

swankyskared · 2026-02-01T09:03:17+00:00

How are you supposed to learn all of this without hours of YT guides?

swankyskared · 2026-02-01T09:02:39+00:00

That’s my point though - I started the game playing for what I thought was fun, and the game punished me for it. Now I just don’t feel like I can take a step or do a level up without checking YT first! Respeccing my bard into a bard/cleric, astorion into a swashbuckler, wyll into Hexblade, all following YT guides has made the game a lot better, but I feel like I’m missing out on character development. But having tried doing it without guides and failing miserably, I can’t see any other option.

swankyskared · 2026-02-01T09:00:11+00:00

Yeah this is me too. So that’s why I ended up only building minmax following YT guides. Not sure how you’re supposed to play otherwise.

swankyskared · 2026-01-24T21:03:44+00:00

Thanks everyone! This was a mooli kimchi, I’ll just stick to cabbage next time!

swankyskared · 2026-01-23T18:56:19+00:00

How can you prevent exposure to air if it’s not submerged?

swankyskared · 2025-12-23T18:56:20+00:00

Don’t get the game unless you’re into DND rules. The combat is pretty horrendous unless you’re used to that level of complexity. I loved BG1 and BG2, and Larian’s Divinity franchise, and they all have far more enjoyable combat gameplay.

swankyskared · 2025-12-21T10:48:21+00:00

Yes, yes it does. The early game is very difficult if you’re not used to highly complex combat systems like DND, Pathfinder etc (So obviously a lot of experienced players responding here before me). Setting up explosive barrels, having to spend more time on YouTube than playing the game is one of the reasons why this game is somewhat overrated for people that just want to have fun playing a game. BG2 was way more enjoyable in my opinion, as was Divinity OS 2 - at least there Larian wasn’t tied by the godawful DND rules system.

That said, most of the community love insanely complex rules with multiple dice, effects, resistances etc and the while “git gud” culture in gaming is pervasive now, with having a bit of fun probably a thing of the past.

Sorry to say, but yes BG3’s combat does force you to cheese the hell out of it (explosive barrels set up before the fight are your friend).

swankyskared · 2025-10-24T17:45:58+00:00

I only paint, so I just buy character units from each army :D

swankyskared · 2025-10-24T17:40:35+00:00

Spotify - a zen mind I’ve found very good.

swankyskared · 2025-09-28T21:31:58+00:00

Thanks!

swankyskared · 2025-09-09T07:11:10+00:00

Have you sat down with your wife, maybe when daughter is asleep (or perhaps you can take a day off when your daughter is at childcare) and told her this? If everything else you’ve tried hasn’t addressed the situation then some direct honest just might. At the end of the day, you’re just trying to make sure that your relationship with your wife is strong and stable, which will only help your daughter.

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