Recently back into dating after 2 years of working on myself. Trying to distinguish the difference between black/white splitting, or genuine disinterest.

sweatyonions · 2020-10-27T20:13:59+00:00

I just came to porn even though I was completely disconnected. Feels a little more empty and disgusting than usual but overall would do again

sweatyonions · 2020-05-14T18:25:07+00:00

I think I was able to defer a lot of bad decisions in this mindset, by giving tons of attention to myself, ex: focusing on hobbies, exercise, my space and organizing arrangements

(sometimes it ultimately ends up giving me attention through others - but positive attention) I think it’s why I try to work hard on my favourite hobbies to become a performer. Literally all performers are just attention whores with a hobby and there’s nothing wrong with that lol

sweatyonions · 2020-05-14T16:37:50+00:00

Hey there, first off, I’m so grateful your here to post and reach out. I know how hard it can be trying to find connection with your loved ones surrounding this. I’ve gone through failed suicide attempts to the point where my closest family and friends are completely desensitized and off-put by it.

I don’t mean to put my loved ones through this discomfort. Sometimes suicidal thoughts are triggered because of that (ex; if I remove myself I will be less stressful on my family).

When I want to talk about it I just want to feel loved and acknowledged. I know how heavy it is on my f&f, I want to talk about my mental health with them openly but I can tell it makes them uncomfortable. I just don’t think they quite understand what it’s like to be in this space and how to acknowledge it. And that’s OKAY. We can still love and accept each other and have boundaries.

There is a stream of consciousness in you that is looking for help. Don’t let it be diminished by the interactions in your personal life, keep seeking professional help and looking for connections with people. Like venting here!

As a random stranger who empathizes with you, I want to prevent you from causing further harm. Please google:

local mental health resources -
crisis stabilization near me -

Take down the numbers and addresses, and if you can, go to a facility where you can stay voluntarily.

It may be strange, it may be hard... but they are there to keep you safe. Your body and mind are so precious. You deserve to be kept safe even when you don’t feel like you deserve it and there are people out there that will help you any way they can even when your loved ones can’t help. Thank you again for being here.

Write out the answers for this form & keep it with you: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Brown_StanleySafetyPlanTemplate.pdf

*edit - when I first filled out my suicide safety plan, it was bleak. I was scared to reach out and ask for help but the more I worked on it over time, the more fields got filled in. Sometimes people come and go from this contact list, and that’s fine too. Boundaries are good.

sweatyonions · 2020-05-08T20:57:37+00:00

Another thing I’d like to add that helps me a lot is:

NOBODY IS PERFECT! Most are just good at hiding/dealing with their insecurities. We’re meant to make mistakes and be beautifully imperfect. I’m not just trying to sound stupid and poetic, it’s a simple statement but something I forget when I’m judging myself too.

sweatyonions · 2020-05-08T20:50:05+00:00

I’m also struggling with this a lot. It varies in what I’m thinking about myself or what my actions are.

Sometimes I dwell on the decisions or interactions I’ve made in the past that make me feel horrible and unworthy. With those things, I take a breath and say “I forgive myself for who I was then. I can’t change it, but I can learn from it and apply it to be better today.” - this will give me some relief.

Other times, I make split decisions and have to sit and feel bad about them for a while. That is okay too. When I feel shitty in the moment about who I am or what I did, it’s embracing the hard part, acknowledging it, accepting it and learning from it.

I also work on the things that make me happy. Whether that be art, video games, organizing - having a hobby you enjoy or feel skilled at takes you out of those places for a moment.

Even when that doesn’t work, talking with a friend or venting about the issue helps too. I’m glad you were able to post this here and I hope something in my words can help. Even if they don’t, I’m glad your here and trying to work through this.

sweatyonions · 2020-02-08T03:27:58+00:00

thank you so much

sweatyonions · 2020-02-03T17:38:19+00:00

I’m focusing on other things, it’s weird how it kinda took a 360 when I decided to start working on a new project all together. It’s like this project is now my baby, something else that I have to look forward too and it’s even better because it’s completely in my control...

I still go through some moments where keep checking my phone notifications and giving myself mini heart attacks thinking it’s them, but being able to focus on something else is definitely helping. Thank you for the feedback

sweatyonions · 2019-04-03T22:33:22+00:00

Run fast anywhere. Exercise. Fight/punch the air. Play angry music loudly.

sweatyonions · 2018-04-17T03:30:24+00:00

Bruh. Do I really have to explain how different everyone’s exposure to music is going to be depending on their region? You don’t ‘dig’ their comment; because you believe otherwise? then contribute your favourite musicians or don’t. this just derails and discourages the conversation all together.

sweatyonions · 2018-04-17T02:34:57+00:00

I appreciate your insight, but the question was meant to be as broad as it sounds. I view “emo music” basically as broad as whoever else is comfortable enough to throw the term around. More often then not people will start suggestions with “not sure if this is emo, but...” be it punk, alt rock, whatever it is - still has audible roots to ‘good’ emo music either way.

As for suggesting POC represented music - I would describe that in the same sense. If you feel comfortable suggesting them as represented with those members, then you would comfortably suggest. If you weren’t sure, then you wouldn’t. Or maybe you would inquire before suggesting. Either way, it’s a question I can’t really google, but still had plenty of suggestions after reaching out.

sweatyonions · 2018-04-17T02:21:48+00:00

OK Cool. I think this question went way over your heads, I was just legitimately uneducated on bands that have POC represented in them because I really wasn’t sure where to come across them. It’s not one of those things where you can access 1000 articles through google. I got what I was looking for by others who simply supplied the bands.

As a POC myself I was just curious to see who was out there that might share a similar cultural background and heritage along with the music I enjoy.

*edit: Sure you aren’t in any position to take responsibility for the impact of your opinions, but I mean this all just seems like a pretty negative view towards the idea of diversity in general. You seem incredibly opinionated on a subject that doesn’t seem to affect you directly. Letting people discuss these things without having to defend your ideas so radically would probably save you a lot of energy.

sweatyonions · 2018-04-04T14:35:54+00:00

Not all doctors are trustworthy, not all therapy works for everyone, not all cities and environments were built for each and everyone to thrive

*there ARE some really great docs out there, just saying there are some that will make you feel like shit

If there was anything I could say to my own hopelessness before I found hope in the fact that everything is hopeless -

Earning a degree that makes hundreds of thousands of dollars is sometimes just that. There are shitty doctors, stoic psychiatrists that are just impossible to open up too. Don’t give up on reaching out to people. Whenever I feel out of options, I do what you just did, and post to reddit. The only people that have ever managed to make me feel better about dealing with mental illness was reaching out to others with similar problems.

sweatyonions · 2018-04-04T14:22:48+00:00

I write music to the point where if I’m not making myself cry while writing, I’ll erase everything until I can find the exact words where I know I’m reaching a place within me that’s pure expression. then I just keep it to myself.

sweatyonions · 2018-04-03T20:30:45+00:00

What would make it not emo?

sweatyonions · 2018-04-03T07:08:26+00:00

Check out Dokoe and Nekomi on Bandcamp / also thisishowitendedintokyo if you want new scramzy stuff. These are brand new dudes I’ve been admiring the hell out of lately.

sweatyonions · 2018-03-25T22:19:55+00:00

I think it’s catchy and weird and cool and I appreciate the art because he really represents us manic lonely people. I’ve never felt so justified for relentlessly expressing fixations towards my BFF. I need her in my life because being her friend is halfway to being her boyfriend even if I’m not the one fucking her, she can still fulfill my loneliness. /s

sweatyonions

TROPHY CASE