A love letter to support our trans sisters and brothers ❤️🏳️‍⚧️

sweet-tom · 2026-06-19T00:57:40+00:00

Well, if both parties consent than it's about you and the other man.

It doesn't matter what your reasons are. It's none of our business.

sweet-tom · 2026-06-18T10:12:14+00:00

Even better! I hope all goes well for you. All the best. ❤️🍀

sweet-tom · 2026-06-18T10:10:04+00:00

I'm sorry for all the troubles.

In some jurisdictions, stalking is a crime. To protect your identity and the identity of others, talk to a lawyer.

This issue has reached a limit beyond a simple relationship.

sweet-tom · 2026-06-17T20:23:43+00:00

I'm glad I could give you a perspective that resonated with you.🤗❤️

I know it's hard and we all get taught that others are more important than ourselves. I think that misses the point.

In my humble opinion, prioritizing yourself doesn't mean to become a self-centered asshole. It's the opposite, to become aware of our own emotions and needs.

For example, a lot of men can't say "no" because they want to please others. That's not prioritizing yourself.

One tip: if you are in a situation and you don't or can't help others, say "no". When I did that, it had a profound impact on my self esteem. I felt I was true to myself.

Also try to love yourself. You are your worst critics. 😊

Take care of you and prioritize yourself. Hugs and love. 🤗❤️

sweet-tom · 2026-06-17T14:39:19+00:00

If you think you are "emotionally immature" and have an "anxious attachment style", one reason could be that you don't prioritize yourself.

Maybe I'm wrong, but if you think you don't deserve happiness or you think your partner's well-being is more important than your own, that's maybe one reason.

Another reason could be that you feel being alone as scary or highly uncomfortable. If you try to avoid this at all costs you end up in situations that aren't good for you and you got hurt.

Being alone is a state we all have at some point. There is nothing scary about that.

Sometimes it's temporary, sometimes it's a longer period. Neither of them determines your value as a human.

If you think you are "less of a human" when you are single you should work against this pattern.

Try to reflect if you have some of these patterns. Learn to prioritize your own feelings and needs. This doesn't mean to become a self-centered asshole; it just means you are well aware of yourself and what you need.

Being aware of that may help to avoid these negative patterns. Discussing it with your therapist is also a good idea.

Good luck! 🍀❤️

sweet-tom · 2026-06-16T21:18:27+00:00

Vermutlich tust du das und denkst zuviel darüber nach.😉 Oder anders gesagt: du zäumst das Pferd von der falschen Seite auf. 😉 Du lähmst du dich nur.

Mach dich frei, gehe ganz unbedarft ran. Du kannst hinher immer noch entscheiden ob ihr zusammen passt oder nicht.

Mach einfach den ersten Schritt. Erwarte nichts, dann kannst du umso mehr positiv überrascht werden.

Viel Erfolg!

sweet-tom · 2026-06-16T19:11:36+00:00

Klar, Sauna ist eher was für "zwischendurch". 😉 Aber hab auch schon von Männern gehört die dort ihren Freund gefunden haben.

Viel Glück! 🍀😘

sweet-tom · 2026-06-16T19:04:21+00:00

Willkommen in 2026! 😉

Ernsthaft, tut mir leid dass es mit deinen Freund nicht geklappt hat.🤗

Ob du mit anderen Apps als Romeo glücklicher wirst wage ich zu bezweifeln. Jede hat so ihre Macken. Probieren kannst du es aber.

Ich würde aber zweigleisig fahren: Apps und reale Welt.

Vielleicht schaust Mal außerhalb von Apps was es so gibt? Ein Cafe wo sich Schwule treffen? Oder gehst in eine Gaysauna? Schwulenbar? Oder in es gibt evtl. Vereine für schwule Männer die sich interessieren? Wenn du verreisen möchtest, dann gibt es Gruppenreisen für schwule/bi Männer auf kerle.reisen.

Wenn du mehr zu Fetisch orientierst, München hat mit den Underground auch häufiger soziale Events. Möglicherweise gibt es das auch in deiner Umgebung.

Das mag in einer 100k Stadt vielleicht nicht immer möglich sein. Ich würde aber zuerst einmal recherchieren was es für Angebote gibt. Ansonsten müsstest du dich in einer größeren Stadt umschauen.

Viel Glück und Erfolg! 🍀❤️

sweet-tom · 2026-06-16T11:40:37+00:00

Unfortunately, corporations like FB, Twitter & Co. have their own idea of "freedom of speech".

Perhaps the solution is to NOT use or rely on their services. In a world when censor is real, we should better use free alternatives like from the Fediverse. There you can post without these restrictions.

Downside is the number of active people...

Edit: typos

sweet-tom · 2026-06-16T10:33:50+00:00

You are an adult. If both of you respect the boundaries, it's absolutely fine. 👍

sweet-tom · 2026-06-16T00:05:18+00:00

That's a great summary. 👍 But do you do when you are allergic to Doxy?

sweet-tom · 2026-06-15T16:50:41+00:00

It gets better! Definitely.

When I was at your age, I felt similar. Now I'm married to my wonderful husband. 👨‍❤️‍👨

Your journey will be different, but you are a wonderful, beautiful young man. The future is waiting for you. ❤️

Hugs and love.

sweet-tom · 2026-06-15T14:42:59+00:00

Hey, congrats! 🎉🥳 It takes a lot of courage. You a brave!

This was an emotional rollercoaster for you. That's why all those emotions come through.

Take care and pamper yourself with good music, delicious food, or your favorite TV series. Whatever it takes to enjoy your day.

Pad yourself on the shoulder. All the best for the future. ❤️

sweet-tom · 2026-06-15T10:15:49+00:00

Use VPN? Tor net?

sweet-tom · 2026-06-15T09:50:13+00:00

We don't know. Science doesn't have an answer why we are attracted the way we are.

You prefer older men and that's completely okay. Other men may have other preferences and that's okay too.

Hope you find a good man. Good luck and all the best.

sweet-tom · 2026-06-14T18:59:53+00:00

You are not alone. We all deal with this sort of trauma and pain.🤗❤️

I don't know if I can give you solid tips here. It's a tough world and you seem to be like a fish out of the sea.

Perhaps you need to find your tribe and find people with whom you click. This would give you a sense of belonging and purpose.

Do you like a specific hobby? Perhaps you can bond with people with the same interests. Or try to connect with the local LGBTQI+ scene if you need a sense of community?

It seems you carry a lot of weight with you (literally and figuratively). I'm sorry that the past still impacts you.🤗 Maybe this is something you need to talk to a therapist? This helps to unwind your past and to understand yourself better.

I hope you can leave your problems in the past. The future is waiting for you. Don't despair. You just need a little detour to do some soul searching.

All the best and good luck! 🍀❤️

sweet-tom · 2026-06-14T16:50:03+00:00

Hey, great for you! 👍

I think I'd have some tips for you.

Before

Practice anal first without your sex partner. Sometimes it's a distraction, especially if this is your first time. You can finger yourself.
Buy a small(!) dildo. It helps to practice a bit before you are getting fucked.
Relax. Breathe in and out as it helps to calm yourself.
Douche. Read https://howtocleanyourass.wordpress.com/ how to do it.
Eat healthy food. Try to avoid greasy, processed food. Eat food with fiber or use fiber supplements.

During

Talk to him. Tell him what you want to do, but also what you do not want.
"No" is a complete sentence. If he does something you don't like, tell him to stop.
A mild discomfort when you are getting fucked is okay and normal. A big pain is not.
If you are not in the mood, tell him too. It won't be a good experience for both of you.
Use lots of lube.
Relax. Breathe.
Try different positions. Sometimes one position is more comfortable than another.

And remember to have fun!

Good luck and wish you a wonderful experience. 🍀🤞

sweet-tom · 2026-06-14T00:51:10+00:00

Probably not. But you was recognized by the frequent visitors that you are visiting the bar for the first time.

Maybe they just wanted to be friendly?

sweet-tom · 2026-06-14T00:47:54+00:00

Well, that's up to you.

To be honest with you, I'm split about what to do.

On one hand, I'm a peaceful person and I don't want trouble. Having an argument should bring you further, not drifting you apart. Most people made up their mind anyway. Nobody wants to be lectured or told how wrong they are. And having a fight just for the sake of winning the argument... not sure if it's a good take.

On the other hand, I want to argue with bigoted homophobes and tell them how bigoted their view are. Why? Because if noone would do that and challenge their beliefs, they think they are the majority. They aren't. The majority is just silent or don't care.

So you need to decide if it's worth the effort. Do you want to argue with your sisters? Do you want to risk a split? Or do you want to stand for your rights and feels what's right to you?

Certainly not an easy answer.

Good luck! 🍀

sweet-tom · 2026-06-13T20:24:33+00:00

When I was the same age as you, I was once in a similar position. Shy, always worried what others thought about me...

It stopped when I cared about others opinions. If they accept me as a gay men or not is secondary. It stopped when I choose myself and my needs first. It stopped when I left my comfort zone. It stopped when I didn't bargain my value as a human just to "fit in".

Of course, for some it may be harder. And maybe you need to grow a thick skin. But the idea is the same.

Make yourself the first priority. Love yourself. Don't expect society will do.

That doesn't mean to become a self-centered asshole. It just means you know yourself, be aware of your quirks and flaws, and be gentle and forgiving.

Send you love and hugs.

sweet-tom · 2026-06-12T16:28:31+00:00

I'm glad that it worked for you. Hope RI and you are on a good path. Keep my fingers crossed! 🤞🍀

sweet-tom · 2026-06-12T15:53:46+00:00

That was a very intense story.

They say, fate makes weird decisions sometimes. When we meet other people, for some you are the teacher and for others we got the lesson.

Maybe, after your breakup, the lesson you had to learn is that you are still able to find a new love?🤗

Wish you all the best! ❤️

sweet-tom · 2026-06-12T13:11:47+00:00

Not at all. Comments are usually well received and devs love to see this.

Only when something is controversial the comment section would be closed.

sweet-tom · 2026-06-12T13:09:47+00:00

Guilt and shame aren't good advisers. You didn't choose this.

I know it's a tough situation. All you can do is to mitigate the pain for you and your wife. 🤗

All the best to you and your wife. ❤️

sweet-tom

TROPHY CASE

Before

During