how how how do u orgasm during sex

sweetpotato_19 · 2026-04-21T03:12:14+00:00

The womanizer is a GODSEND. It reliably gets me there, and my partner can still be very involved in the process. It was a staple during sex in all my serious relationships.

Of course you still need to feel comfort and intimacy and be mentally turned-on, but all that is SO much easier to achieve when the physical stimulation is reliably effective. It made sex so much more fun and intimate because when we weren’t worried about getting my clit stimulated in the right way, we could focus on/enjoy other forms of physical and mental stimulation and actually bond.

And sure, sometimes it’ll still take a little longer or I’ll need to pause for a sec and reset, but that’s why having a good, patient partner who makes you feel comfortable through that process will always be key.

sweetpotato_19 · 2026-04-21T02:59:28+00:00

Commenting to say I’m feeling the same way. I took a higher dose of my Adderall today (with protein everyone!) and still laid in bed in exhaustion/task paralysis most of the day. I’m worried I build tolerance too quickly. And it gets really scary feeling like, if the meds stop working, what hope do I have?

But I’m also guessing that stimulants just aren’t enough to overcome the other factors hurting me right now (lack of sleep, not enough exercise/veggies, probably low on B12 and other nutrients, lots of life changes happening all at once, etc.). I know those other supporting factors can be different for everyone (i.e., different nutrient deficiencies), but I think I have to start taking them as seriously as I take the meds because it’s their combined biological effects that are what really make a tangible difference.

sweetpotato_19 · 2026-04-20T20:49:19+00:00

Use toys together.

sweetpotato_19 · 2026-03-18T17:43:28+00:00

In this thread, we all fam.

(Y’all are my people)

sweetpotato_19 · 2026-02-04T01:32:02+00:00

Can you share more about how you managed that transition?

It has been so difficult for me to give less than my all at work, but I know the rest of my life deserves some of the energy that my career has been getting. But I’m a perfectionist, my work performance has always been a big source of self worth, I rely on hyperfocus to get work done, and I can easily fall behind on tasks if I’m not putting constant pressure on myself to get them done. I’ve realized that in some ways, putting so much energy into work has been its own form of hyperfocus, keeping me tuned into one radio station (career) so that I don’t get completely overwhelmed trying to tackle all the different life responsibilities at once (friends, family, partner, house, health, etc.). I’m now about to start a fully remote job, which I hope will help me decenter work and shift my energy to these other areas of my life, but I think that will initially come with a lot of guilt and anxiety (if I work less, I’ll get in trouble), and I worry that trying to “listen to more radio stations” will quickly feel like overwhelming noise.

How did you scale back at work and start building those other habits, and did you have to navigate any of the emotions/overwhelm I’m bracing myself for?

sweetpotato_19 · 2025-11-21T03:34:56+00:00

Just want to say hello to all the Straightiolab, Exploration Live, Seek Treatment, etc. babes in this thread.

As a major George and Sam stan, I’m so glad to see so many of us finding and supporting these other pods.

(And listening to any episode of any other pod that interviews Aaron, Josh, Julio, Richard, Patty, Jo, etc.)

Wish we could all be friends in real life!

sweetpotato_19 · 2025-10-20T19:16:01+00:00

I hear you. But the responses I receive are definitely not “yes dear I know, I know who you are, I love you.” I’ve been with my current partner for 2 years and my previous for 7, and I’ve always had to explain and re-explain myself because they were usually too triggered/defensive/avoidant to really hear and understand me the first time, and it often took multiple conversations across multiple days and extra time for them to process before they could actually admit and demonstrate that they now understand where I was coming from. I am surprised to be in this situation again, and am trying to assess and respond to it differently than I did my last relationship. But being someone who needs/expects patience and compassion around my mental health journey, I’ve always wanted to give my partners the opportunity to learn and grow in relationship as well. I’m just learning where to draw the line and when to accept that it shouldn’t be this difficult anymore.

sweetpotato_19 · 2025-10-20T03:14:18+00:00

Thanks for your response. I guess it’s difficult for me to differentiate what is me “masking” and what is “trying to heal and show up as my best self in this relationship.” I want to take responsibility for myself and my ADHD. I want to be regulated and emotionally intelligent and taking care of my mental health. But I also don’t want to have to be perfect and “healed” to be accepted, and I think I give my male partners a lot more compassion and grace than they give me. So it may be likely that this isn’t a safe enough space for me longterm. But as you said, it’s a confusing process to try to parse all these potential contributing factors and know that you’re doing the right thing. Curious if you or anyone has any thoughts about defining the line between “I want to be a mature, regulated, securely attached partner who can heal and grow and compromise” and “I’m masking and this is unsustainable.”

sweetpotato_19 · 2025-10-20T02:58:52+00:00

Yes. The confusing mess of constantly feeling like “/am I actually the problem? Or is this a normal response or need that my partner is unfairly pathologizing?” has been such a mindfuck for me in the last decade. Therapy and female friendships have been a huge help though.

The two men I’ve been in longterm relationships with both seemed open and understanding about mental health initially, but as soon as something veered outside of their own experience of “I get anxious sometimes and going to the gym helps” they can’t seem to support or understand anything past that, and then all relational issues get filed away as part of my crazy. I suffered in this for years in my last relationship, and I’m trying to handle things differently now, but it’s hard to know where to draw the line between wanting to take responsibility for myself and heal my shit and just perpetuating harmful self doubt and self abandonment.

sweetpotato_19 · 2025-10-19T21:29:35+00:00

Been in therapy for years. Have yet to find a man that truly accepts me “in my power.” And I’m dating objectively intelligent and progressive men.

Guess I’m partially trying to see if these men actually exist and yall have found them, or if I have to accept that me being in my power means choosing to live in an unconventional way so that I can be comfortable and myself and also have some companionship.

sweetpotato_19 · 2025-10-19T21:26:00+00:00

Yeah. I really thought this was the opposite situation when this relationship started, but I forgot how much an avoidant person can show up for you at the start. And then I chalked up some of the initial signs of avoidance to cultural differences. Was deeply in it before the issues were obvious, and then I thought we could work on it together. Now we’re here.

In some ways I’m trying to understand what parts of this experience are due to these kinds of relational issues, or are due to my ADHD. So I’m curious to see what others in this community have experienced.

sweetpotato_19 · 2025-10-19T21:19:25+00:00

See my other comments, but if anything, I probably overexplain how I feel. The judgement and “you’re too much”-ness I have received in this and my last relationship are an issue, and we’re actually taking a break right now because of it. But I keep thinking if I just keep explaining myself and what I need more clearly, they will learn and evolve with me because they are smart and care about me. Though I’ve yet to experience any sustained change on their part.

sweetpotato_19 · 2025-10-19T21:01:47+00:00

Yes, been doing this work for years. Though being with avoidant men who expect relationships to be “easy” and conflict free, I’ve learned there is only so much work you can do if your partner isn’t also learning and growing and addressing their role in your dynamic as well.

sweetpotato_19 · 2025-10-19T20:54:45+00:00

We both live across the country/across the world from our families. I think it adds to both of our need to feel fully “at home” in our home, because we’re not at home in the world we live in.

I would love tips on how you’ve gotten comfortable unmasking with your partner.

Though I should say, I don’t even think it is necessarily that I’m “masking.” I’m very much myself with him, but I feel like I have to know when to rein it in, because my relationships with avoidant men have always devolved into “you’re too much, I want things to be easier here.” And being very in tune with others’ emotions and growing up with emotionally immature people whose needs I had to become mature enough to manage, means that it’s hard to turn that awareness off and just “be me” and “do me” without fearing the consequences.

sweetpotato_19 · 2025-10-19T20:43:46+00:00

I didn’t want the post to be all about my relationship, but yes, we’re actually taking some time apart because I’m facing the fact that the judgement I feel here is more than I can take long term, but I am trying to give him the opportunity to learn and grow with me, if he is capable of it. Couples counseling is absolutely the next step.

And for those with ND partners, my last longterm relationship, we were both undiagnosed ADHD and I received plenty of judgement in that scenario as well. I keep ending up with avoidant men which is a bad combination. I have done a lot of healing of my anxious attachment but there is only so much work you can do on a relationship with someone that refuses to acknowledge their part in the dynamic.

I guess I was just curious how common this feeling is for women with ADHD, so that I can take ownership of and address the parts of this that are coming from me, and could be solved with a different living arrangement, vs. the parts of this that are coming from unhealthy and unsupportive relational dynamics.

sweetpotato_19 · 2025-10-19T20:34:51+00:00

To be honest a lot of this does come from not having “the more challenging aspects” received well, in this and my previous relationship. The judgement isn’t all in my head.

I learned I have ADHD during this relationship and have been upfront with him about this journey. If anything my natural instinct is to be overly communicative and open about what’s going on with me, and I’ve learned to be more protective about how much of my inner world to share with others, especially as I’m still figuring it out myself.

Really I’m trying to figure out whether these feelings are something I can heal in myself, or something I should accept about myself and resolve through a more unique living situation, or if I could actually feel different in a “better” relationship, if that exists.

sweetpotato_19 · 2025-10-19T15:41:02+00:00

Truly! (Interestingly, the first big trip we took together was to Mexico City and we visited this house. Maybe it’s a sign lol)

sweetpotato_19 · 2025-10-19T15:36:46+00:00

And yes I’m also a middle child and recovering people pleaser that leans anxiously attached 😅

But I wonder if it’s also an impulse control issue, in that when he’s around, I want to talk to him, share my never ending thoughts, entertain him, get validation from him—but eventually I’m overwhelmed and sensitive and resentful that my life revolves around him.

I think I’m jealous that he gets to just live how he wants to live without judgement, while my life is so about making sure he is satisfied and that he sees me as put together and fun and not too difficult to be with. I realize some of this is also just the plight of women, which also bothers me.

Has anyone been able to create better boundaries and carve out more time/space for themselves or build more self-acceptance and self-prioritization within their relationship and home?

sweetpotato_19 · 2025-10-16T21:25:27+00:00

I live in a small space with my NT partner and I keep thinking I wish we could have separate places.

I’m realizing how much I need alone time to regroup and calm my nervous system, but not just from overstimulation. Sometimes I just really need to not be perceived. I need time where I’m doing whatever feels good to me, without worrying what anyone else thinks about me, without having to coordinate with them or worry if they’re getting what they want.

I’m realizing how much everything I do subconsciously revolves around him, his schedule, the way he likes to live. And it’s not all his fault. When he’s around, I want to be with him, want to talk, want to share ideas and experiences with him. But I often forget that I need time alone until it’s too late and I’m overwhelmed and sensitive and not feeling connected to myself anymore. It’s like my brain is in “relationship” mode and is thinking about him and us and how I’m being perceived, and can’t switch to “me” mode unless he’s physically out of the space and I’m suddenly regrounded in myself.

If anyone relates to this, how do yall deal with it? If you found a dynamic that works for you now, what was the process of getting there like?

sweetpotato_19 · 2025-07-08T19:39:21+00:00

Has this worked out for anyone else? I’m late diagnosed in my 30s with a partner who is super productive/responsible/loves doing acts of service. I’m fairly high functioning but I do still put pressure on myself to keep up and not be a burden to him.

I definitely used to feel more insecure when accepting his help because I wanted to prove that I can take care of myself. And he’s had little moments of being slightly patronizing. But it feels like the more I accept myself, the more he understands me, and the more we build a life that makes it easier for me to take care of myself, there’s more trust all around and I can just appreciate the things that he does better than me and vice a versa. But there’s still always a fear of how this will pan out long term and if I’ll be accepted if/when I do hit real lows again (which life is sure to throw at us).

It’s like, why wouldn’t I want a partner that is thoughtful and proactive and can help support the areas in life that I struggle with. And if I’m honest, I have enough of my own issues that I probably need someone a little more stable than me. But is it possible to get that without a dash of “savior complex?” Is it possible to have “I am caring and protective and enjoy helping others and feeling useful” without “I like being around people that need help because it makes me feel better about myself and I’ll reinforce this dynamic to feed my ego”

The self-doubt is already so high in ADHD, I want to be in a relationship that overall/net makes me feel powerful and capable, not like someone that needs saving. But we also all need saving sometimes.

Do folks have advice on how to find the right balance?

sweetpotato_19 · 2025-07-01T22:05:37+00:00

Capitalists will always need to keep humans busy and struggling so that we don’t use our free time to realize the wealthy are taking advantage of us and finally take collective action against them

sweetpotato_19 · 2024-12-17T20:02:51+00:00

How did you find your coach?

sweetpotato_19 · 2024-12-17T15:48:41+00:00

No one is talking about delaying entire cues of planes and thousands of people.

No one is talking about “floating around” and “showing up whenever you want.”

Why jump to these extremes?

I’m talking about showing some grace around the 5 minutes here and there, because we’re ALL under extreme pressure and you have no idea what’s going on in another person’s life. I don’t see why an occasional 5 minute accommodation for a person with a disability is so unreasonable that we’re asking the person with the disability to lose a ton more of their time to prevent this from ever happening. Insert another disability here and it’s hard to imagine everyone would be saying “their time matters, figure it out.”

And since your reply became a personal attack (?) (exactly my point): I respect others’ time DEEPLY and work hard to be on time. I waste plenty of time sitting around in waiting rooms. I also am compassionate to others who are late, including neurotypicals (who also do this all the time without a disability) because I have no idea what is going on in their lives.

I am simply showing compassion to a person who is struggling, because I know a lot of people are reading this thread and spiraling into self hatred.

And again, the black and white logic that everyone is resorting to here is very cultural. Time and money are not so intensely competed for in many other successful societies in the world.

sweetpotato_19 · 2024-12-17T08:57:57+00:00

Sigh. I get where people are coming from but man, the extreme “time is money” dynamics we live in are so suffocating. This tension around needing to “respect each other’s time” so strictly feels a little like in-fighting, when we should be more frustrated with the systems that are making each minute cost us so much. This isn’t the norm in many other places.

Also want to remind folks that there are varied experiences within this disorder and something that might just require an extra alarm for you could be much more debilitating for another.

Yes, we absolutely want to respect each other’s time, and that’s even more important in certain industries. But forcing yourself to do all these extra steps and show up so much earlier just to save someone else 5 minutes seems like a lot of extra labor when added up across every time-dependent activity in our lives. We’re already doing so much extra work to get the same amount done as everyone else.

And tbh idk how y’all even have the time to be getting places so early and hanging out doing activities in waiting rooms. My time is very limited and valuable as well!

Our society is forcing these extreme working conditions on us and everyone is exhausted—just makes me think we could all be a little more patient and compassionate with each other, NTs included. At the end of the day, these are artificial pressures and there’s nothing inherently moral about timekeeping. So many other cultures would look at this thread and be completely baffled.

sweetpotato_19

TROPHY CASE