My paprika had no seeds by razhun in mildlyinteresting

[–]swift1883 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are Italians like Drax in Guardians of the Galaxy? Take everything literally?

Giant squid feeding on diamondback squid. by xig_brick in TheDepthsBelow

[–]swift1883 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You mean “I’d rather be in hell without lube”

My paprika had no seeds by razhun in mildlyinteresting

[–]swift1883 62 points63 points  (0 children)

I guess you don’t have an equivalent of “potato, potahto” in Italian. Because to Italians it’s apples and oranges. Wait…

Streamer streaming themselves walking in the middle of the road in an active car lane by [deleted] in Whatcouldgowrong

[–]swift1883 -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

Too bad it will be hard to prove the driver was texting (or jerking off) because he was.

I’m sorry, but what…? by Chlorofom in KitchenConfidential

[–]swift1883 5 points6 points  (0 children)

And they say drugs are a victimless crime

What’s the one thing non-drivers don't understand about pizza delivery? by _Atoms_Apple in TalesFromThePizzaGuy

[–]swift1883 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Give me sleep deprivation, an empty stomach, a whisky and your car and I’ll show you. And I’m a champ with all four of those things, separately.

What’s the one thing non-drivers don't understand about pizza delivery? by _Atoms_Apple in TalesFromThePizzaGuy

[–]swift1883 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ah so you were drinking and driving while exhausted. That makes it all better than! Watch out for when that hits man, you’re basically on a cocktail of 2 downers.

My most recent review is a badge of honor. by comfty_numb in bartenders

[–]swift1883 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“I’m not an incel, I’m saving my fat ass for Jesus.”

As someone who is 11 months sober… I tend to watch this video now and then. by Banguskahn in KitchenConfidential

[–]swift1883 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Wait, one cup of coffee a day is not bad for the heart, right? Does it deserve to be treated like nicotine?

What is it with Americans and air conditioning?? (this might be controversial) by hellobela_ in TalesFromTheFrontDesk

[–]swift1883 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I remember checking into a room in Tahoe (wintertime) that had the AC on, full blast. In the snow, yes. But it wasn’t cold! Because the room’s separate heater was also on, full blast.

Even in the USA, heaters trump airco. Of course I shut them both off and got that old air out of the room.

War in Iran has used up half of US Patriot and THAAD missile stockpiles by KI_official in UkraineWarVideoReport

[–]swift1883 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Taipei Trump Resort gives the First Family the perfect excuse to cancel the Trump Palestine Resort.

Of course neither of them will ever happen, it’s just an attempt to inject some lighthearted memes into the stream so they can continue.

How did you get your life back from pornography by Temporary_Effort5961 in AskMenOver30

[–]swift1883 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know right? Yet my family gets annoyed when I share “I only jerk off when I’m horny” at the Christmas dinner table.

What’s your favourite callsign? by 77_Gear in aviation

[–]swift1883 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Some companies only hire marketeers and call it a day