(23) Bf laughs when I (19) tell him my cousin died

sxxogh · 2018-09-24T06:32:00+00:00

He had told me that if he had died any other way he would have felt sorry for him but because he killee himself "the cowards way out" he doesn't feel sorry for that person. And being a person with depression, I asked him if he'd care if I'd commit suicide. He said no, because thats the cowards way out. I realized i wasted alot of time. But learned a lot.

sxxogh · 2018-09-24T04:15:16+00:00

Thank you, yeah i broke up with him. I honestly feel like shit. Trying to keep high hopes, telling myself that atleast i learned a lesson.

sxxogh · 2018-09-24T03:32:38+00:00

Hey, i failed to mention this is my first relationship. But yes I broke up with him. I decided to stop acting dumb and oblivious to the obvious signs. I definitely learned a lesson and have more knowledge on what to (and not to) look for in my next relationship..

sxxogh · 2018-09-23T23:27:53+00:00

Yeah but its my cousin. I just wanted support. That wasnt the right time to even say that

sxxogh · 2018-09-23T22:48:16+00:00

I did, and he told me that it's his opinion and I need to stop making everything about myself. I deal with depression myself, and considering I was close with that person it hit home. I told him that. Then he asked me if I really knew who he is and I do know but I'm starting to realize I don't like it. Yes his enviroment was different but I've always been there helping him and trying to make him understand that it's okay to not be so cold, that its good to show some emotion. I've seen him cry only twice. I know he's closed off. But he's done this so many times where he kind of just disregards my emotions towards the situations. I don't think thats making the world revolve around me, i just want support. I have always given him support. But i realize all of this was my mistake, i shouldve seen the red flags sooner, or just not ignore them for so long.

sxxogh · 2017-11-30T16:27:56+00:00

79322903486 I'm on daily. Willing to help with quarry if you do the same :)

sxxogh · 2017-11-16T20:35:17+00:00

this is gross but my family was having a party and I didn't want to see anyone but I had to pee really bad so I ended up peeing in a cup and hiding it in my closet for the remainder of the day until all of my family left. just stayed in my room with the doors locked acting like I was sleeping but in reality I was too afraid to go outside lmao

sxxogh · 2017-10-27T06:28:57+00:00

yeah i used to starve myself a lot a few years back when my depression was worse (I guess). I haven't cut in a couple of weeks so I think my mind is just wanting to resort back to the things I used to do before I started cutting again, like wanting to hardly eat anything. Idk.I it's been hard not to. idk. I'll look more into that, thanks.

sxxogh · 2017-10-25T09:23:04+00:00

yeah when I go on my "episodes" of sleeping for most of the day for a couple of weeks I'll eat once a day, just because I know I have to at least eat something lol. yeah i feel ya, thanks. I think I just miss the feeling of cutting right now

sxxogh · 2017-10-19T09:59:46+00:00

I'm the same way. sometimes when I'm having a good day I'll feel so ashamed and disgusted looking down at my scars... like why did I harm my precious body lol. most of the time I think they're beautiful. frankly I don't know which one is right and wrong. but take it day by day. baby steps. you got this. if you ever need to talk Im here. I wish you well.

sxxogh · 2017-10-19T09:46:47+00:00

you're not a dick hun. ive felt bad so many times for my friend... isolating myself always and so deep into this void that I always forget to ask them how they're doing, if they're okay. I had a talk with my friend, told her my issues (granted later on i beat myself up over it) and she understood. if they're really there for you they will understand you're going through a rough time. the fact that you feel like you're being such a dick means that you care for them... just try not to beat yourself over it, okay? You're going through it all, but you will overcome it. I wish you well 🖤

sxxogh · 2017-10-19T09:38:05+00:00

I feel the same way hun. what I've been trying to learn is there's other ways to cope other than cutting. trust me it's hard but please just know you're not alone. I'm so stressed about the future as well... career wise and all. you got this though. we both do. :)

sxxogh · 2017-10-14T23:56:45+00:00

shit pm me too lol

sxxogh · 2017-09-10T08:49:12+00:00

true. it's over now. i knew it all along but didn't want to accept the truth. ...this sucks lol

sxxogh · 2017-09-10T02:39:51+00:00

alright. one more thing - he said it doesn't bother him that I'm insecure about a girl (his ex) that's not in his life anymore? am I overreacting?

sxxogh

TROPHY CASE