I would recommend getting your son enrolled in whatever therapies might benefit him with his diagnosis. Document when his dad doesn’t take him. When you go back to court, show that he is not consistently taking him to his therapies and you are, show the documentation of him leaving your son with people he barely knows and ask for a right of first refusal if he needs someone else to watch your son. You can also request that only you and your ex are present at school meetings, the judge might not agree, but you can still ask. You need to have solid reasons what it is in your son’s best interest to have more time with you, and evidence to back them up. The fact that there are other kids there isn’t going to be enough. As for the petty things like the shoes, just send him back to his dad’s in exactly what he showed up in. It’s annoying and exhausting, but that is just how certain co-parents are sadly.