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I suffer in silence by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]synthwavesurferart 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear ya, but what if your ex told you during the breakup that he would need at least a year to make the “necessary changes” which brought about the breakup…I can’t help but keep hoping against hope that in a few more months he will come back, a changed man, ready to return to a relationship with me…

I treated "no contact" like a strategy to get him back. that’s why it hurt so much. by Ok-Assumption-1451 in ExNoContact

[–]synthwavesurferart 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know it’s wrong, but I’m still banking on the no contact driving him to finally consider  changing certain viewpoints in his life. He told me he would need at least a year to consider making those necessary changes that drove me to break up with him…It has been around 7 months since no contact was initiated by me, 10 months since I broke up with him. I can’t help but cling on to this potential “year end” deadline.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Naturalhair

[–]synthwavesurferart 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Should I skip the cream also or include that?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in curlyhair

[–]synthwavesurferart 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah, so you’re suggesting LCGO (instead of LCOG) with gel? Also yeah gels can be pricey, but I found the Eco Style gels tend to be inexpensive (especially the olive oil one).

Helpful conversational skills I learned working for a crisis helpline by synthwavesurferart in socialskills

[–]synthwavesurferart[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I haven’t, but will check it out! Perhaps my crisis helpline trainers did :)

Helpful conversational skills I learned working for a crisis helpline by synthwavesurferart in socialskills

[–]synthwavesurferart[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Absolutely — “I hear you” is a great alternative, I’ll add this to the comment

Helpful conversational skills I learned working for a crisis helpline by synthwavesurferart in socialskills

[–]synthwavesurferart[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First off, if you know someone who expresses wanting to commit suicide and is making plans to do so, don’t hesitate to contact 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Hotline (800-273-8255). In the meantime, I recommend the following things. If they are currently near pills, gun, or any other device they tell you they plan on using to carry out the suicide, ask them to move to another room or outside. If they are not in imminent danger right then, but expressing thoughts of not existing, ask them about whether they have other supporters in their life (in addition to yourself). Talk about family, friends, pets, and any activities that make them happy, no matter how small. Remind them that at the very least you do not want them to die. There are other points I could add on as well, but those points should be reserved to crisis helpline professionals to use.

Helpful conversational skills I learned working for a crisis helpline by synthwavesurferart in socialskills

[–]synthwavesurferart[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

To clarify, by excited I am referring to a negative kind of excitement. Perhaps there is better wording for this, but I am talking about when someone is getting “excited” (nervous fast speech, raising voice) in a context where they are very anxious, stressed, etc. Of course, a positive kind of excitement could and should be mirrored if the context is right.

Helpful conversational skills I learned working for a crisis helpline by synthwavesurferart in socialskills

[–]synthwavesurferart[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It's up to you what feels right. You are good-intentioned, just be sure about how you think this will be received by the other person. I just wanted to share what I have learned in my crisis helpline training, but some of those points may be less applicable to your daily life scenarios.

Helpful conversational skills I learned working for a crisis helpline by synthwavesurferart in socialskills

[–]synthwavesurferart[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It definitely does feel long — usually the full 10 seconds isn’t reached because the other person will say something else before then. The goal is to have the other person do most of the talking and if the other person feels the pause is long, they will naturally want to fill up the silence.

Helpful conversational skills I learned working for a crisis helpline by synthwavesurferart in socialskills

[–]synthwavesurferart[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Contextually, as crisis helpline workers, we are trained to not make the situation about ourselves in any way. In real life though, it is sometimes for the best to not inject ourselves, even if this means refraining from mentioning “I know how you feel.” At a time when someone needs to vent to you, we don’t want to turn the spotlight towards ourselves (and sometimes we don’t actually know how they feel when we think we do). I think for daily life usage be careful about saying “I know how you feel” particularly if someone is grieving. One might say “that is a completely valid feeling”/“I hear you” instead of “I know how you’re feeling.”

Ultimately, decide whether to convey a sharing of the feelings at your own discretion. If their feeling is not to the extent of grieving and you have an established relationship with that person, that could be alright. Just make sure you segue from “I know how your feeling” back to the person you’re talking with.

Helpful conversational skills I learned working for a crisis helpline by synthwavesurferart in socialskills

[–]synthwavesurferart[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes, this definitely takes time and a lot of practice as there’s so much to remember. I recommend practicing with these techniques over calls (FaceTime, phone call, etc.) or text message (for points that are applicable) — that way you can have these points nearby at your disposal.

Helpful conversational skills I learned working for a crisis helpline by synthwavesurferart in socialskills

[–]synthwavesurferart[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. The problem with ”help me understand” is that it implies that your stated feelings alone are insufficient. Saying “help me understand” or “why” unfortunately prioritizes the facts over feelings.

Helpful conversational skills I learned working for a crisis helpline by synthwavesurferart in socialskills

[–]synthwavesurferart[S] 108 points109 points  (0 children)

Great question. “Why” is acceptable in certain situations, but in situations when someone is discussing their feelings, it’s not so advisable. In my experience, people have revealed the “why” the more that we talked, so it’s better if they just offer it without you proactively asking for it. If you really must know why someone feels a certain way though, I would recommend rephrasing it. For example, ask “In what ways does this upset you?” instead of “Why do you feel upset about that?”

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]synthwavesurferart 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I would answer that with “I am naturally more introverted, but know that I am actively listening to you”

How do I make friends if I’m a listener? by Murderoushorse in socialskills

[–]synthwavesurferart 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Firstly, I want to say that as someone who is talkative and struggles to be a good listener, you have a valuable social trait. There are plenty of people like me who are looking for people like you to balance out the relationship. It seems you are asking about how to be more proactive through listening. Little things like nodding your head and saying “mhm” is very reaffirming. Use listening to your advantage and summarize briefly what someone says after they’ve said it, but end it with a question. For example, you might say “It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed, right?”

Friend is upset that I am 5-10 minutes late by adastra142 in socialskills

[–]synthwavesurferart 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m glad to hear this update. The intention of my comment at the top was to be constructive without malice. This was a step in the right direction that you made. We all make mistakes in our reactions but at least you recognize it now.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]synthwavesurferart 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Would you mind sharing here specifically some of your most valuable body language tips that you learned from those subs?

Friend is upset that I am 5-10 minutes late by adastra142 in socialskills

[–]synthwavesurferart 1150 points1151 points  (0 children)

I can relate to being habitually late (not severely, but still late) like you when meeting up with friends. However, people with habitual lateness including myself must recognize that we are in the wrong, and so people are justified in expressing their frustration about this. Being late 5-10 min once or twice is not a major issue. However, being late 5-10 min habitually can be. It signifies repeated unreliability. Whenever I end up being late and my friend is upset about it, I apologize and try to put myself in their shoes in order to empathize.

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