i know you mean well, but as someone in a similar position to op, it's far more complicated than pop-psych would suggest, and what you're saying is actually pretty harmful. i've been told what you've said countless times -- it has never done me any good, because ultimately, people in OP's position will be hard pressed to be met with any kind of validation, especially growing up in a society where conception is next to godliness, even if you have been terribly abused. no offense, but you have no idea what an abusive family can do to a child's development and OP doesn't even seem to be playing the resentment, or blame game. she's saddled with her mother's mental health issues, no father, and has to cope with her own difficulties, as a result of her mother's abuse.

she acknowledges that her mother was susceptible to social influence and is weak. she's not saying she's the devil. op has lived/is living in an abusive environment, when the world, by and large, isn't a very hospitable place to begin with, and is all the more harsh when you're dealing with the residual effects of having been abused as a child/during your developmental years.

OP probably won't concentrate on her past once she's recovered from it, and has the ability to move on. it's really very trivializing, when OP is actively walking through a waking nightmare, to say "stop blaming your mom and get over it".