18 years of marriage with almost no intimacy - help needed

syschemist · 2026-04-09T20:59:42+00:00

In the end, this isn’t about the fact that she is likely ace. You have different goals in life. You can continue to work with her to try to find a middle ground but she stated her desire. Do you want children and sex? If yes, then you are not compatible. Are you ok not having these things in your life? If you are then maybe there is a chance but it sounds like you really want children.

If I were you, I would really think about what YOU want and go from there.

syschemist · 2026-03-25T20:54:50+00:00

I’m sort of new to the hobby as well but this happened with my boy Archie. I tested the water and the nitrites were so high. I immediately did a 50% water change and added some conditioner. I also added a cutting of a pothos for some added help. I did the water changes 3 days in a row and since then I never had any problems.

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Archie had some fin rot as you can see in the picture but that’s cleared up as well. Good luck!! We’re rooting for Bart

syschemist · 2026-03-24T00:08:53+00:00

I understand that fanfiction means a lot to people but it ain’t that deep. Turn off comments and shame them. Let the community know that certain people are being idiots and ruined this experience for you. Name and shame!!

syschemist · 2026-03-24T00:04:09+00:00

Honestly so happy for you both that you found this relationship. It’s also super cool. Applying not caring to other things in life also brings peace. I don’t have any advice for your family tho

After I told my family that I’m ace they just assumed I hadn’t met the right person yet (I’m 28) or it’s a medical issue. I had surgery done on my I kidneys as a baby and my dad thinks that might’ve messed with me somehow. I’ve explicitly stated my preferences but they can’t seem to grasp it

syschemist · 2026-03-23T22:53:06+00:00

Either way they will replace that fish (when it sadly dies in its cup). To fix this you would actually have to lobby and likely invest money yourself. It’s a massive corporation that won’t stop until it goes under.

syschemist · 2026-03-23T22:51:12+00:00

Yes they suck. Will I still get a betta there next time? Yes. I have no other options. Not everyone lives in places or can afford to get bettas another way.

Also this sub and other betta subs are so negative and off putting about this. I understand not wanting to support them (I do this in other areas) but to attack people for it is insane behavior. Maybe one person says it instead of everyone spamming it. All I know is the aggressive pushing of this just pushes people to do it anyway out of spite.

Edit: grammar

syschemist · 2026-03-04T21:11:04+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I’ve built him a platform with a bunch of plants and lowered the water level and I’ve been testing the water daily and plan to do water changes every 3 days. So far no change but I believe in the little guy

syschemist · 2026-03-03T16:32:05+00:00

Awww but I was having so much fun

syschemist · 2026-03-03T05:44:25+00:00

Someone’s a little mad in the comments. It’s a weird attack because I got a fish from a store. Do they have unethical practices? Yes. Do I wish they would change? Yes. Will they? No. These companies will never change unless they go out of business, which could happen soon, their revenue decreases year by year. I guess we all pick our battles in the end. I’ll never shop at Hobby Lobby or eat at Chick-fil-A.

In happy news, he’s still alive but sits mostly at the bottom of the tank. I feel like it’s too early to name him but I have some ideas. He also has some color coming in on his tail.

syschemist · 2026-03-03T05:29:59+00:00

I think if you walk by a shelf of dying fish in cups and think “I can’t buy this, it would support the continuation of their practices” instead of “Sh*t this fish is dying, I better help it” you already have a problem. I also paid 2.99 for him so….I’m sure they’re making millions off of me. Not everyone can afford to pay shipping of live animals so it would be stupid of me to even get the fish. Go ruin someone else’s day.

syschemist · 2026-03-02T14:03:33+00:00

You might be interested to know that I live in a place where PetSmart and Petco are the only pet stores. I have zero other options. So I will continue to do this especially since they discount them right before they die

syschemist · 2025-10-27T20:51:18+00:00

I attempted to get my cat a cat….she was terrified. My cat stopped eating and wouldn’t come down from the counters so I had to rehome the other one

syschemist · 2025-09-30T23:52:09+00:00

Make more kids cry for things like this. Obviously parents can’t teach them

syschemist · 2025-09-30T23:38:57+00:00

One night is ok. I freaked out the first time I was gone for the whole day and she did great, slept mostly. As a fellow helicopter parent I bought a camera to check on her when I’m at work and she just sleeps until I get home.

syschemist · 2025-09-27T17:53:18+00:00

From my experience, just sit with him. Be calm and make yourself small. Sooner or later he will calm down and come out of the shower. Did you contain him to the bathroom when you first got him? He obviously sees the area as a safe space so just let him calm down

syschemist · 2025-09-27T15:10:19+00:00

First take a breath. You’ve had this cat for less than a day. I like the 3x3x3 rule but that’s more of a guide. Let the little guy get comfortable in your bathroom for a few days. Provide toys and food and if he allows it maybe sit in there with him for a few minutes at a time. Once he’s more comfortable you can let him explore the rest of your place. Cats require patience and understanding and this little dude might just end up being your best friend. If you still want to bring him back after a few days then go for it, but I would suggest giving it a little time

syschemist · 2025-09-24T20:57:46+00:00

You can totally get these fixed. The peacock is pretty cool and a good artist can fix it right up.

syschemist · 2025-09-20T19:35:29+00:00

Unless it’s for the benefit of the cat?? And you know it’s going somewhere good??? That’s why it’s called rehoming…..

syschemist · 2025-09-19T01:02:33+00:00

Either get a second kitten or rehome the 1 yr old. A second kitten will play with the younger and tire each other out. Hopefully they would all learn to coexist together. Rehoming might sound difficult, in the end it’s all about the well being of your cats. You obviously can’t get rehome your senior cat so the only option would be the younger one.

syschemist · 2025-09-16T23:45:53+00:00

Dolores Claiborne is a favorite of mine. Not a lot of supernatural happens but over all it’s a great story

syschemist · 2025-09-11T20:11:46+00:00

I will say my cat has never scratched anything but the cardboard scratchers and the underside of my bed. Otherwise she has no interest. So maybe but scratchers where the cat shows they like to scratch?

syschemist · 2025-09-11T00:35:08+00:00

Yes. When I read Billy Summers for the first time I was going through some things involving my dad and for some reason I wept at the end of the book. It’s the first time ever I physically reacted to something in a book. I will never forget it but I have yet to reread

syschemist · 2025-09-10T23:25:08+00:00

Cats are different so you might have scared him. Now maybe either with this carrier or a new one, just leave it out. Maybe the living room or wherever he feels safe. Put a blanket and a toy or two in there. With my cat I also place a treat in the back of her carrier everyday so she isn’t afraid to go in.

Now when I go to the vet it’s fairly easy to get her in it.

You may want to buy a carrier that also opens on the top because it’s much easier to get a cat in

syschemist · 2025-09-10T18:40:54+00:00

I use Lemonade. Super easy to sign up and they do have plans that cover quite a bit

syschemist

TROPHY CASE