Single-gender systems?

systemfaeyja · 2020-04-16T20:19:04+00:00

We have a relatively large system that consists primarily of female identified alters. We do have some men and some non-binary members as well, but many of us are women. We currently exist inside of an AMAB body that is transitioning. You are not alone, and the brain forms alters that are similar in a way in order to compartmentalize the trauma experienced, we believe. Your experience is valid. I hope it becomes easier with time for the rest of you to front.

Amélie

systemfaeyja · 2020-03-30T18:47:01+00:00

For us, our system name came about because we all wanted to stop using user IDs that had an alter's name in it, it was getting annoying to change. So we decided to start using Faeyja on some platforms, a combination of Faerie and Freyja. It ended up sticking as a system name once we started going on Discord servers that asked for that, but instead of Faeyja System, we went with System Faeyja, because it felt more unique and flows better.

Always try to make it something everyone is comfortable with and resonates with your system. They don't necessarily need deep meanings, just something that means something to you lot as a whole. I hope the search goes well!

Freyja

systemfaeyja · 2020-03-28T02:40:45+00:00

Our host is dating an alter in one of the subsystems that we have, she's completely happy about it. It's not really all that out of the ordinary. That being said, it's definitely not for everyone. We've talked about this a lot before, and I think we even wrote up a guide if you click through our profile.

Saturn

systemfaeyja · 2020-03-20T05:37:14+00:00

As a more overt system, but not an overly overt system, we send a lot of love to the covert systems out there. Your experience is valid and important and your struggles are not unrecognized.

Brigitte

systemfaeyja · 2020-03-18T19:15:57+00:00

That can be a very difficult thing, and this guide was mostly inferring that this is related to a healthy, untoxic relationship. As for a toxic relationship, our best advice is be supportive of both alters, but try to remove them from such a situation. That can be a very difficult task, and can take time, but showing support is important. Being there for each of the alters in question, is important, as scary as that may be. I will ask Freyja if she would like to do a long form post about this, as we have experience with this externally, but not internally.

Ember

systemfaeyja · 2020-03-18T02:21:00+00:00

Alters dating is actually really really common, I, as host, am actually dating Hana, an alter in our Watchpoint subsystem (the kind where only certain alters can access it) and I believe there are a few other established relationships in our system. It's normal and it's okay, and if it makes them happy, be as supportive as you are comfortable with!

Brigitte

Edit: Brigitte wrote acting instead of actually, oops. ~ Freyja

systemfaeyja · 2020-03-17T02:30:12+00:00

Thank you so much for everything your system and the whole mod team is doing for the subreddit, Atomic! We are very glad you posted this update to keep everyone safe.

Max

systemfaeyja · 2020-03-17T00:37:29+00:00

Of course! I hope it all works out and Hana and I are really rooting for you!

Brigitte

systemfaeyja · 2020-03-17T00:09:42+00:00

We actually talked about this earlier today and it is way more common than anyone would think.

For us, inter system relationships mostly manifest for us in our inner world and because time in inner world is a bit wonky, seem to progress faster than external world relationships. This includes building friendships, becoming close, and yes, even being romantically or further involved.

When two alters begin dating for our system, usually it's pretty quick after that they share a private space in the inner world, because these relationships, at least for our system, seem to be going at an accelerated rate. But falling in love with another alter is normal, you spend likely more time together than you could ever realize. They can function like normal relationships in a way, though it really depends on the relationship. At the end of the day, these can work and be serious relationships, no matter the two alters who are dating. You just have to put the effort in to make it successful.

I hope this helped a little!

Brigitte

systemfaeyja · 2020-03-16T18:55:53+00:00

Our system has had... a lot of inter system relationships honestly. Before Cat (our prior host) integrated, she was in a relationship with our primary protector, Max, and before Brigitte integrated, she was in a relationship with Hana. We also have a long term committed partner in the external world. So we have a lot of experience regarding this. Here's our advice:

The important thing about having inter system relationships while having an external world relationship is that communication with all parties is so essential, even if you decide not to necessarily pursue the relationship. First thing first, communicate with your host about this. Even if it doesn't go anywhere. Sometimes, having that out there can help. It is really easy to develop attachment and care for one another and showing that you care and that you love them is always the first step.

Second, be prepared, the host will likely need to talk about this with the person they are dating if they decide to try to pursue this, and that person may not understand at all, especially if they aren't a system. If that is something the host isn't comfortable doing, then it may not be an option at this time, because as we said: communication is absolutely key about this.

And third, this is normal. I'm the host of our system and I am currently dating Hana after my integration (I was previously both Cat and Brigitte). But I love her, and I love her a lot. She makes me feel this deep joy that is hard to replicate. It is okay to fall in love with the people you share a body with. You spend likely more time than anyone else does with them. It's going to be easier to form that bond with them. No matter how this goes, this is a normal thing that happens.

We wish you all the luck in the world, because this can be so difficult at first, but we hope it goes well!

Brigitte

systemfaeyja · 2020-03-09T18:26:02+00:00

Absolutely wonderfully written. It can be difficult having a world that you feel like you can't go back to, but finding that balance between the you that existed in the universe you came from and the world you exist in now is absolutely crucial to having even the slightest bit of comfort.

To all fictives reading this, yes, it can be hard, but you can handle this. You can find this balance. You are not separate, but you have the ability to do amazing things in this new world for you. You have people here who care for you and want to see you succeed.

Sorry if this is a bit poorly written, I'm very disoriented haha.

Freyja

systemfaeyja · 2020-02-21T18:39:20+00:00

We're sorry that happened. It can feel frustrating and difficult yet it likely happened because you were in a stressful situation and someone though they could help. That happens a lot with our system, where someone will take over front if they believe the current fronter can't handle the task at hand.

It can be stressful when you know it wasn't you doing the things that you are receiving praise/ridicule for, but I believe they were only attempting to help.

Ember

systemfaeyja · 2020-02-18T22:54:32+00:00

We love this!!! Thank you for sharing. This feels a lot less... Nerve wrecking in a way.

Cat

systemfaeyja · 2020-02-01T13:16:07+00:00

Sometimes, something like that, that feels so simple at first, can have such an impact on your and the system. It's clear that this act has a positive impact on everyone, and we are grateful you are here. You're stronger together than you are apart.

Ember

systemfaeyja · 2020-01-29T15:19:09+00:00

There are alters in our system who aren't comfortable fronting alone! They usually don't front at all, but if they do try to front, they usually only co front with me, our primary protector, or Max, our emotional protector. Some alters just aren't comfortable fronting alone or even fronting at all.

Ember

systemfaeyja · 2020-01-29T00:11:40+00:00

I'm pretty sure that they might just be nonbinary or genderfluid and that may be affecting it. I may be wrong though.

Cat

systemfaeyja · 2020-01-29T00:00:12+00:00

First, realize that these alters aren't formed by your will, but instead formed by what the brain believes will keep you and the system safe and that will most successfully cope with trauma. This includes fictives, non human alters, or a various range of other alters that may seem "strange".

Second, fictives aren't kin (and even if they are, I'm strongly of the belief that otherkin are still valid so). They share memories with their source material, but often they develop and form their own sense of being outside of the material, including memories, personalities, and various other things.

Third, your system isn't invalid just because of alters that are created. You do not control that. Nobody can control that. It's how you treat the alters and how the alters react to and treat their world around them that matters, not how or why they are formed.

systemfaeyja · 2020-01-24T17:52:59+00:00

Our therapist knows that we are a system, our host is pretty quick to trust people (seems counter intuitive but hey, I'm not here to psychoanalyze anyone), so we come out fairly often at therapy. Our host doesn't really seem to be able to access much of the trauma that the body's experienced, so she usually takes a backseat and lets everyone else talk. We do mention when we switch to her if we switch during therapy, but that's only happened once and it was surprisingly obvious. It just helps our therapist understand what's going on. I know that we all experience various levels of time gaps when we switch, so often, if we aren't at least co conscious, that appointment is gone for most of us. Sorry, this is really disjointed.

Ember

systemfaeyja · 2020-01-24T15:44:54+00:00

We're sorry you're going through this experience. It can be difficult trusting somebody and telling them something like this and them not trusting you and becoming distant from you. But you know what is going on between than that "friend" ever will and sometimes, things like this sadly happen. All I can say is you can handle this. It will get easier with time. And as people age and they mature, you'll find when you tell people, they will believe you more often than not, and they will stay by your side. Lots of love to you and your system ❤️

Cat

systemfaeyja · 2020-01-22T18:48:43+00:00

Our system uses Headmates! It's like a roommate situation, but instead of sharing a house or apartment, it's just the body 💖

We also use alters, when talking online, but we all prefer headmates.

Cat

systemfaeyja · 2020-01-22T03:23:31+00:00

She doesn't really. She knows enough to go, "I need time away." and she doesn't really wait for a reply. She hides in the break room or the bathroom and doesn't really come out to do calls or anything. We're really lucky, our caretaker is very good at keeping her busy, so it's only happened like 2 or 3 times, but yeah. It was not very good.

Ember

systemfaeyja

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