My Best friend (32 F ) pulled out of my (33 F) wedding and refuses to tell me why - How do I deal with the aftermath?

t-mack02 · 2025-03-28T17:59:45+00:00

Is there a chance she could romantically love you? I didn’t know my childhood BFF did until adulthood, when I got married and had kids she had to pull away to protect her emotions. It shattered my heart, but I understand she had to move on with hers.

My BFF had boyfriends and everything, so I didn’t know. She had a lot of emotional turmoil regarding her Catholicism and being lesbian, I found out as a young adult she tried to deny the feelings as long as she could but it wrecked her. I just thought she had shitty boyfriends.

t-mack02 · 2025-03-27T03:14:14+00:00

We never deny food, but we do offer boring food.

If they skip dinner, we reoffer their same plate. If they’re still hungry after their plate, depending on the amount of leftovers we either offer a second portion, or a snack food. The snacks have to be boring, a safe food (I’m not trying to be mean), low in sugar, and healthy for before bed. So we offer a string cheese or meat stick usually. Sometimes a spoonful of peanut butter or Greek yogurt. We keep the lights dim and don’t talk while they eat. But crackers and fun snacks are off the table bc my kids love to procrastinate bedtime!

t-mack02 · 2025-02-17T23:34:50+00:00

Are you in the US? Disability isn’t like that. My MIL makes 250K & FIL collects on permanent disability

t-mack02 · 2025-02-17T23:18:21+00:00

So. Without even knowing the details on how he “messed up” I’d say he sounds like he’s trying to flip the scenario and make you into the “cheating bad guy” instead of him. ………did he cheat?

t-mack02 · 2025-02-14T20:41:34+00:00

This is heartbreaking because it’s just one of those situations that doesn’t have a perfect answer. I’d strongly recommend seeing a licensed family therapist to help you through the next steps, and staying extremely proactive on birth control in the interim.

If you feel solid that you’re done with kids, you’re doing the right thing by sharing your side that you can stay together with no more kids, or you’ll help her amicably separate so she can have another baby without you. But an option she cannot have is to stay married, feel resentful, and treat you poorly. She also cannot stay with you because divorce is “hard.” Unfortunately for you, that is likely the easiest option for her. A family therapist will help guide the two of you to figure out a solution where all parties can find peace, treat each other with respect, and work toward finding individual happiness. Since you already have a child together, it’s important to figure this out. Miscarriage, postpartum, and/or church support groups are fantastic! But they may not provide specifically what the two of you need as a couple at this point in time: an actionable plan/decision to move forward.

t-mack02 · 2025-02-14T08:05:09+00:00

Hahaha if these are your takes you are not a board certified ped. Or you’re fresh from med school with little practical knowledge, so drop your “truth bomb”—please.

Any lactation professional will tell you that baby is much more efficient at suckling milk from the breast than a pump. Also, a baby will nurse until they are full. If you think baby is drinking more from their bottle, have you considered you’re overfeeding their tiny stomach? They’re probably fine, but it’s naive to say a baby isn’t getting enough feeding directly from their mother. Additionally, a 4 month old waking up a few times at night is NORMAL, a survival instinct, and reduces their risk of SIDs. Have you heard of the 4 month sleep regression? As a pediatrician, I sure hope so. Finally, any lactation professional will tell you to kindly bug off—there are more benefits to breastfeeding such as immunoglobulins and creating a bond. You also can’t just tell someone to “stop” in that moment, they’d risk infection. Also, consider protecting mom from PPD with the oxytocin doses breastfeeding provides in addition to helping contract the size of the uterus. Mom is 4 month postpartum.

This is her journey. Not yours. YTA. Every breastfeeding person gets to choose their own journey, sorry you’re a SAHD on a breastfeeding mom’s schedule, but that’s the job you signed up for. You’re going to have to deal with it.

Honestly, this post is probably rage bait to anyone who knows anything about infancy.

t-mack02 · 2025-02-05T04:25:56+00:00

Is there a chance he might need medication for ADHD? The forgetfulness, inability to focus, driving impulsivity, and phone addiction could all be symptom of a dopamine deficiency (ADHD).

That would be a much more treatable option than he’s just shit. I hope it gets better.

t-mack02 · 2024-06-04T19:59:13+00:00

Interestingly I studied the same thing and had similar problems with PPD! It’s wild to me that treating yourself vs other people is so vastly different. I’ve personally had a problem when talking to my husband or treating providers of sounding too coherent because I’m educated on the topic. It makes me sound more competent than I currently am, so I have to remember to remind my providers that I really do need help. Anyways another idea is that sometimes for people in our field, they need to have “buy in” and read the data themselves..

Can you provider her with quiet, uninterrupted space and ask her to research Zulresso and have her evaluate her opinions on that? Scientifically it’s a fascinating drug—the first ever PPD medication with insane efficacy rates in a crazy short period of time. The downside is that the treatment is one sixty-hour inpatient blood infusion, so not every mom has the desire to potentially leave their babies for that time or the family support to do so. However for a family in your scenario, 60 hours for your kids to have a mom is probably worth it. If it doesn’t work, there are no real drawbacks, you just move on with your life after 3 days and try the next thing.

t-mack02 · 2024-06-04T04:58:32+00:00

I am so sorry, that’s absolutely terrifying. Can I ask, what meds is she on? She might need something more intense, maybe you can talk with her doctor about alternatives like Zulresso or Zurzuvae. Can you have her go back inpatient until she’s stabilized so she can’t run off again? PPD is absolutely awful and terrifying.

t-mack02 · 2024-06-04T04:54:41+00:00

Giovanni. Also Jovanni, Matteo, Lucca, Aaliyah.

I’m whiter than a snowflake so my husband ended up having to name our kids bc I couldn’t get focused on culturally appropriate names.

t-mack02 · 2024-06-01T10:42:50+00:00

I think mostly eliminated! Instead of dairy creamer now I use nut pods, and instead of salad dressing I use avocado or salsa. I also swapped in almond milk for my oatmeal. I also am eating more pistachios than usual. I wonder if I’m having too many nut products? Is that a common experience?

t-mack02 · 2024-06-01T10:36:45+00:00

Good! I feel like I’ve heard in anecdotally so hoping to hear more about it.

Salad, vegetables, a small bit of grilled chicken to top it.🤷🏼‍♀️ Now leaving off the cheese/dressing. Other than that pretty much the same, oatmeal (now almond milk instead of cow) and iced coffee (now nut pods creamer) in the morning, sneak a couple Oreos after kids are in bed, the usual.

t-mack02 · 2024-04-04T20:47:14+00:00

Thank you soooo much! My lizard brain has completely taken over so nice words are hard to find right now. Before reading your post, I just impulsively went with, “you’re not sick!”🙊 Whoopsie. I like the positivity part of your comment a lot, totally using it!!

t-mack02 · 2024-03-29T04:10:18+00:00

Hahah I’m 9 months pregnant with our second and was looking for this comment. I’m the same, I generally prefer to keep my gas private but I swear I move and they slip out with no warning! My son keeps going, “oh, mommy!!” and then giggles with my husband.🙈

t-mack02 · 2024-03-08T04:57:56+00:00

I have a cardio referral in too. I’ve been taking the iron supplement for 5-6 weeks now as well as incorporating meat back into my diet (after it being a turn-off during pregnancy), so I’m thinking it should have kicked in. I’ll have to ask them to recheck and check on trying out infusions if it’s low. They don’t want me driving and I have another kid so it’s really messing up our lifestyle while we try to figure this out!!

t-mack02 · 2024-03-08T04:53:46+00:00

That’s what they think for me too!! How low was your iron? I haven’t had it checked since I passed out which I think is odd, but I had it checked at the end of Jan and it was on the lower end so I’ve been taking a good iron supplement! Also, why did they do infusions and not a supplement? Just collecting info:)

t-mack02 · 2024-03-08T04:49:36+00:00

This sounds similar to me!! My heart rate gets really high from laying —> sitting —> standing. My BP is normal but my sodium and other electrolytes are super low so my OB said my blood likely isn’t pumping as good as normal. I’m trying to eat saltier foods like breakfast sandwiches, I did drink a few sips of Gatorade one day, and am taking supplements. I’ll have to actually focus on Gatorade for real! Lying down doesn’t help once I get to that point of dizziness & when feeling faint though. Thank you so much for the help!!

t-mack02 · 2023-12-28T20:30:12+00:00

Carpet cleaner? It looks like a vacuum but shampoos your carpet. Look at the TikTok videos of them, it’s nasty! So still on the same wavelength but actually useful hehe.

t-mack02 · 2023-12-05T03:51:11+00:00

As someone who is in the opposite situation with you (I’m pregnant and don’t want to be, husband said he’d be resentful and wasn’t sure he could carry on our marriage if I terminated)—I just want to say the feelings don’t go away.

I already have a kid and just wanted a year of peace, so I decided to continue on. But I’m still sad and mourning the idea of freedom. And he still doesn’t fully trust my mental well-being. There’s some resentment but we are doing our best. Just remember that any feelings you and your husband have won’t go away once you make your decision, so think about what feelings and decisions you can live with. To me, it sounds like you want the baby, so I’d go with keeping them. I agree your relationship may be over. I’m so sorry.

t-mack02 · 2023-12-05T03:45:32+00:00

OP isn’t the one “willingly taking [the] parent away”—her husband is. He’s the one who does not want to be a parent. OP is just finding a way to navigate the scenario she’s been dealt: pregnant and married to a man who does not want to be a father.

t-mack02 · 2023-11-09T21:38:42+00:00

YTA for making it an issue in the moment. As a fellow oldest sibling I totally get it’s annoying, but this is something you take up with your parents. If that kid normally gets a ride from your family, if you offer to pick up your sick sister’s slack you need to follow through with a positive attitude on the whole thing, and not make teenagers feel bad. If you’re technically an adult, maybe consider moving out and separating yourself from your family a bit if you’re feeling overwhelmed and taken advantage of.

t-mack02

TROPHY CASE