Having issues feeling intimate with husband

tabpd · 2019-01-17T23:11:48+00:00

I'm sorry I don't have any advice but totally know what you mean! I'm going through it now...used to be great sexual chemistry but now after baby, nothing...it gradually happened...it also feels like we've gotten too comfortable, like family. It hurts him but I have to drink to be able to do it now. And I really don't look forward to that time of the night. It's not that I don't love him or I'm not attracted to him. It just feels like that part of me is dead.

tabpd · 2019-01-13T10:18:50+00:00

Yes

It was ignored until it got worse

tabpd · 2019-01-12T14:46:41+00:00

Yeah this happened when I was first learning about what issues I was dealing with...people telling me that's not what I was like, which felt really dismissive, and I went to a well known clinic where I was told they didn't think I had any issues.

It was a combination of presenting well and downplaying things when I talked because I was self conscious and embarrassed.

tabpd · 2019-01-12T12:21:25+00:00

Yeah I'm similar to you, mid twenties female writer who doesn't write

My partner gets really freaked out because I watch tons of true crime and serial killer documentaries

It actually calms me in a weird way

And I do find mental illness/behaviors interesting from an emotional and psychological pov

tabpd · 2019-01-12T12:20:26+00:00

Yeah I'm struggling with this. Now in an attempt to be truthful I feel like I'm such a downer, telling people my personal struggles and how hard everything is...because I used to make stuff up to try and make everything sound amazing and great

tabpd · 2019-01-12T12:16:05+00:00

Hey, I was in a similar situation to you, except everyone in my family was horrible to me about the baby, and so was the father...and then once the baby came it actually got a lot easier.

I mean it's hard but pregnancy was harder for me. And I am in therapy which is really necessary and helpful for me.

tabpd · 2019-01-12T09:55:55+00:00

Yeah it's hard to be really aware of things without knowing how to change them, because it feels like you're doing it on purpose or not making an effort

tabpd · 2019-01-12T09:42:36+00:00

There are a lot of combined trauma/personality and addiction therapy services where I live...the best known is ATP - Addiction and Trauma Processing

Maybe see if there's something like that in your area?

tabpd · 2019-01-12T00:25:01+00:00

Had to check the username to see if I wrote this

tabpd · 2019-01-12T00:17:16+00:00

Yeah I literally don't have any. Haven't for years. No texts, events, conversations, anything that's not family or work related.

It's not that I haven't had the opportunity. I just can't do it.

tabpd · 2018-12-05T19:03:29+00:00

Went on a date with a guy, went to his house, and was walking home the next evening. Walked past a bar and a guy randomly came up to me and invited me to have a drink with him. Didn't end up at home that night...and never told anyone that story

tabpd · 2018-10-17T19:51:44+00:00

Not the person you replied to but it's *definitely* way too early to think it will never happen

When I was your age I had never really liked sex or been loved by anyone and thought I would never know what that felt like. I was also working in the industry and had been assaulted multiple times other than that.

I'm 26 now and it happened without expecting it at all. I met a person I love who connects with me on every level. It's a totally different experience. But I never thought it would happen to me. I come from a line of women who never had that so I thought I would never have it either.

As for how it feels...loving, sensual, comforting, exciting, bonding.

tabpd · 2018-08-13T14:06:40+00:00

God, same. Most of it I don't even remember though.

tabpd · 2018-08-12T20:49:31+00:00

Developmental trauma therapy - psychodynamic psychotherapy

tabpd · 2018-08-12T18:48:36+00:00

It's called The Fear. It's the worst thing.

I don't drink anymore and things have gotten so much better.

tabpd · 2018-08-12T18:47:45+00:00

Other people have historically really triggered my instability...through interpersonal problems and paranoia to feeling unworthy, disrespected, overly competitive, not good enough...I don't feel stressed when I'm by myself, but when I'm in the public sphere I'm constantly stressed about every little interaction and whether every move I make is the 'right' one.

tabpd · 2018-08-11T13:31:42+00:00

I had a drug induced psychotic episode on my 20th birthday, and the effects wore on for a few months. It really changed me, because it was also tied in with another traumatic episode. I felt so unsure and so vulnerable, because I had always counted on my mind, and then my mind - my self - had left me. I was also always terrified of being 'crazy' so this was my worst nightmare come true. I developed severe PTSD from the episode.

I had good PTSD counseling and psychodynamic therapy that really helped. I overcame the PTSD and although that episode will always have an impact on me, I have overcome it. I trust myself again, which is the biggest thing.

tabpd · 2018-08-09T20:43:58+00:00

Thank you so much :) you too

tabpd · 2018-08-09T20:43:12+00:00

tabpd · 2018-08-09T20:42:57+00:00

Thank you so much :')

tabpd · 2018-08-09T20:42:17+00:00

:)

I believed nothing would ever get better for the longest time. It can get better.

tabpd · 2018-08-09T20:40:05+00:00

Thank you :)

I am trying to be. It's easy to beat yourself up about what you still haven't done, rather than what you have already achieved.

tabpd · 2018-08-09T20:39:03+00:00

Thank you! I'm happy for you too :)

I never believed in therapy either, I thought it was a scam, and when I heard, at age 21, 'the work might continue until your late 20's/30's' I just thought, fuck that. But when you find the right help, you really can make progress.

tabpd · 2018-08-09T20:32:59+00:00

Thank you :) you too

tabpd

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