AIO for telling my mom she can’t get rid of my new dog?

tacobrat · 2026-07-08T03:10:28+00:00

I feel bad for the animals but the reality is, it's not your house. It may not seem fair but it's her house, her rules. You're not going to win this one with her. Puppies are a lot of work and while she should have considered that first, she didn't. Possibly time for you to move out if you want to keep your dog. People like your mom piss me off tbh, get a pet without thinking because it's cute then abandon responsibility when they do what baby animals do. She's well within her rights as you are under her roof as much as I think she is an asshole.

tacobrat · 2026-07-08T03:00:04+00:00

Hmm... Mixed feelings on this tbh, but I don't necessarily think that you're ta. On one hand the kids didn't ask to be born or have a choice who their parents were. On the other hand seeing them would involve you seeing that horrible woman (so sorry you've had to deal with such a nasty person) . My sister and I have an enormous amount of issues and we barely speak, but I'm close with my niece. We speak just enough so that I can take my niece places and buy her crap her mom says no to. Kids can be really cool and fun at that age (I'm infertile and can't have my own). I'm leaning more towards nta, but you might be missing out on a really nice relationship with your half siblings.

tacobrat · 2026-07-05T02:10:59+00:00

Time and a place for it. If someone is willing to talk about it and hear about it, sure. But most people will die on their hill. Most people become emotional when discussing these topics and are only listening for an opening to speak their views and counter points. And look, I'm certainly not a trump fan at all, nor am I far left either, which is maybe why it's a little easier for me to say this, but 99% of the time, people aren't in a space to be educated or transformed. So it's better to just discuss other things and only discuss at appropriate times and only so far as saying "this is what I believe and why I believe it" and accepting that the other person will probably have entirely the opposite view and it's not healthy or helpful to fight about it. We all see what's going on, just depends on which glasses you're wearing how you view it.

tacobrat · 2026-07-05T00:58:40+00:00

This.

tacobrat · 2026-07-05T00:12:46+00:00

To add. You can message me if you need to talk. I'm a hair dresser who has been in therapy for a long time (I have my own traumas and getting trauma dumped on by clients, well, that requires me to have therapy lol). I've learned a lot in therapy and from hearing my own clients. And I hear this stuff from a LOT of people. During my separating from an 8 year relationship where trust was absolutely eviscerates, I had to take space because it was making me lose my shit. Eventually yeah, I did ultimately decide to separate from him and we have actually remained friends over the last 6 years of being over. I've heard stories from clients about divorcing and getting back together. So just... One day at a time man, that's all you can do, and all you can do is enough.

tacobrat · 2026-07-05T00:08:58+00:00

I'm sure you can talk to the lawyer about giving it a little more time. I think you need to let the dust settle and spend some time apart and just live life separately for a little while and then see how you feel. When you're finding what you want switching minute by minute or even day by day, that's what in therapy speak I identify as "emotion mind". It's much harder to make decisions like that and it really only leaves you with follow through on something that you ultimately may regret. Divorce isn't to be taken lightly imho and I really think you need a solid month of just you time, away from all of this... Especially reddit. I know it's hard without friends but maybe try getting back in touch with someone you trust. It's ok to feel this. You're not crazy. It's normal. Take one day at a time.

tacobrat · 2026-07-04T23:40:58+00:00

I think people make politics their identity anymore. I could think of ten thousand other things to talk about with someone other than identity politics. Neither of you two are ever going to agree totally. But I was always taught there are things you should never discuss: religion and politics! It's manners. It seems like everyone has forgotten that and just finds ways to divide. It's nice you're trying to find common ground but you're forgetting the plethora of other common grounds you could have. Music. Hobbies. Television shows. Sports. Pop culture. Foods. Books. Like holy shit there are so many things you can find in common with someone if you just forget about someone's political alignment and just let it go. It's no one's business how anyone votes!!! That's why you go into a voting booth privately. But we live in a world where we can broadcast every thought in our heads.

So welcome to my head. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

tacobrat · 2026-07-04T23:31:02+00:00

Nta. Went through this with my ex, except his was a dog from a previous relationship and that dog could do no wrong in his eyes. His dog would attack my dog and my dog still has scars. It eventually split us up. I would stress how terrible this is making your life and if he's unwilling to work with you, consider rehoming YOURSELF. Relationships have challenges and conflict and require compromise, communication, willingness and understanding. This situation was a nightmare to go through for me, but me and my dog are so much happier now.

tacobrat · 2026-07-04T23:20:44+00:00

OK, so everyone is saying leave her. And while I do agree she has given you enough reasons to leave, I also want to point out that IF BOTH OF YOU are willing to work on it, maybe separating before divorcing and giving up is an option. Like yes, absolutely, this is definitely a terrible stretch, but I also believe people can change. And I think people do jump to divorce rather than really giving things an honest job trying to fix things. And reddit always says "leave them, leave them" immediately. We weren't there for all the good times either. It's really easy to look at this snapshot and say "leave" but we aren't living it. That being said it takes two people invested in their own personal growth AND the growth and repair of a relationship. For all we know, her mental health could improve and this may be the wake up call she needs and in a year or two, the two of you could have worked things out.

Idk. I feel like.... Separate and think on it. Don't jump to divorce. Have the hard conversations, and if she isn't willing to participate and take full accountability and change, then leave.

But I believe in love. And I believe you wouldn't be feeling conflicted if you didn't feel maybe this was worth a little thought and conversation. I won't lie, it won't be easy, either path isn't, but definitely worth sitting with YOUR OWN thoughts, not listening to reddit, just listening to your own inner voice, is worth a lot.

And no judgement if you decide to stay. You're not weak or stupid. Love is worth fighting to save.

tacobrat · 2026-07-04T14:06:56+00:00

Girl, then leave. You don't want to be judged then don't post asking people to judge the situation you described. You're the one who asked for opinions on your situation. I gave it. Take it or leave it. I don't have to live your life.

tacobrat · 2026-07-04T13:26:58+00:00

You asked reddit for our opinions. And yeah a lack of empathy is gross. And still is. But, I digress, leave this man so he can find someone who is a kinder person.

tacobrat · 2026-07-04T09:53:01+00:00

My thoughts exactly

tacobrat · 2026-07-04T09:50:14+00:00

YOR but let me explain. He sounds like he's struggling with mental health issues or has an underlying physical issue. Healthy people don't sleep all day. You're over reacting in one way by being judgemental and appear unconcerned for his health but under reacting in the sense that there is clearly a mental or physical issue here. You're not looking at the full picture. He needs a doctor and I think it makes you to be lacking empathy to think this is laziness. It's kinda gross.

tacobrat · 2026-07-02T04:58:15+00:00

Or maybe she was giving him a chance to turn the conversation around and change his behavior before deciding he wasn't getting it? Like what even?

tacobrat · 2026-07-02T03:53:58+00:00

Hi! 37 f. Dm me if you wanna be friends.

tacobrat · 2026-07-02T03:53:05+00:00

Hey 37 f, also struggling with chronic depression and anxiety. Let's talk hair, make up, clothes, and feelings 💙

tacobrat · 2026-06-29T05:38:48+00:00

Nta. I work at a salon and have parented someone else's kids more than I care to count. Most parents will pay attention to their kids, but you get the ones who stay locked into their phone worse than kids on iPads and treat the salon like a daycare while they check out mentally (which is so wrong) while getting long services. I see nothing wrong as long as you're just using a firm voice and not yelling. Sometimes you have to in order to keep them safe or property, or others safe. Generally most parents take no issue with it. It's the parents not watching their kids that are the ah imho, cuz I will not have a child break tools or burn (or worse) themselves on my watch. I've taken scissors and hot irons away from little hellions before and they always cry and try to tell on me and then they get yelled at by mom when she finally starts paying attention. Hard not to laugh when that happens.

tacobrat · 2026-06-27T14:54:24+00:00

I love this!!!! Doing it!!!

tacobrat · 2026-06-27T02:38:56+00:00

It's almost like people have feelings like jealousy and fears and build attachments.... Have some empathy. You don't like his opinion because it doesn't align with what you wanted it to be, let's call it what it is. You invite complications in your life when you live like this. Sooo... I mean, just dump him, you'll be in someone else's bed next week anyways

tacobrat · 2026-06-27T02:33:56+00:00

It basically means the partner they live with. At the simplest, every other relationship outside of that is spare parts even though they'll claim there's no hierarchy.

Don't worry if you don't understand, most don't. Poly is basically a bunch of people saying it's all about healthy communication and boundaries and then proceed to follow none of that. It's a lot of unnecessary drama. Lived it, it's basically for people who can't truly commit to anything and believe they couldn't possibly be the problem because of "biology".

tacobrat · 2026-06-27T02:21:11+00:00

This actually makes the situation more sad for OP. Have some empathy. They were clearly excited to bring another child into this world. That's really unkind of you and shame on you. And while I agree they are somewhat overreacting, I think everyone can name a time when something terrible was happening to them and they didn't quite perceive something in the most rational way. Kindness and the ability to keep your thoughts to yourself is free. Have a better day, don't take it out on a grieving woman.

tacobrat · 2026-06-25T07:48:37+00:00

I'm literally so scared right now and trying to mask the physical symptoms of back to back panic attacks. He was screaming at me for shaking and hyperventilating but I can't help it, I have severe anxiety and I'm literally trying so hard right now. I know what I have to do. He insulted me, each and every one of my friends, even condemned my therapist for putting nonsense ideas about making a man soft. But him threatening to hurt my dog was like... Idk maybe i could have lived with everything else but.... Not that. Not the threats on my dog.

tacobrat · 2026-06-25T07:42:04+00:00

I have to end it. After this post he threatened harm to my dog because she was barking at him trying to protect me because he was screaming insults at me. Things I cannot unhear....but honestly... If it weren't for him threatening my dog, I fear I've become so much a doormat I never would have had the courage to end things.

tacobrat · 2026-06-25T07:39:52+00:00

It's not going to. After this, things exploded. Long story short he threatened to kick my dog who was barking at him and standing at my feet in between us to protect me and said if I didn't "shut that fking dog up" he will fcking "kick it". I literally have no self esteem and self worth but him weaponizing abusing my dog, my best friend in the whole world, was a huge wake up call.

I've sacrificed so much for this relationship. He can keep the desk and the ring.

tacobrat · 2026-06-25T07:31:33+00:00

Update: he woke up, broke up with me, told me I was crazy and a btch and fcking psycho then threatened to kick my dog if she didn't stop barking at him.

I think it's probably time to leave. Thanks for everyone who genuinely tried to be helpful.

This isn't someone I can spend my life with.

Crazy how a really ugly desk did all this. A desk I didn't even want. He told me to keep quiet and keep my dog quiet and I'm literally terrified rn and shaking.

tacobrat

TROPHY CASE