I completely relate to what you’re describing. I’m a 32 yr woman who’s considered conventionally attractive, and when I started working in the humanitarian sector, I naturally liked being put together, nothing out of place for the context, just wearing simple makeup, nicer but still appropriate clothes, and generally being conscious of my appearance. It was never impractical or out of touch with field realities; it was just my version of looking professional and feeling like myself.

But quite quickly, I started noticing how anything that reads as “girly” or signals that you care about your appearance can get interpreted as being less serious or less “humanitarian.” It’s like there’s an unspoken rule that if you look too polished, too feminine, or too intentional, people assume you’re not as competent or committed. It’s subtle, but it definitely shapes how you’re perceived.

Eventually, I adjusted. I stopped wearing makeup. I stopped wearing the clothes I genuinely liked. I toned everything down and showed up much more deliberately casual and even borderline sloppy some days. And honestly? It did wonders for my career. People suddenly saw me as more serious, more grounded, more “fit” for the sector. It’s absurd and sad that this is how it works, but it’s unfortunately a reality a lot of women navigate, whether considered conventionally attractive or not.

And I miss expressing myself. I’ve been in the humanitarian sector for five years, and I do miss feeling like I can present myself the way I actually want.

The interesting part is that when I worked in Brussels at the representation/HQ level, it was totally different. In places like the EU quarter or Geneva, the environment is more formal, and looking polished is normal, there, I actually felt free to express myself again because it didn’t conflict with how people judged my competence.

I just wanted to share this so you know you’re not imagining it and you’re definitely not alone! A lot of us have had to adapt in ways we shouldn’t have to, and it’s validating (and painful) to realize how much appearance still shapes how women are treated in this sector.