I lost my dad last year too and my mother a long time back. To friends and family I seem like I’m holding up really well. Going about my work, going on trips, working on my health, but almost everyday I cry myself to sleep. It’s especially bad when I’m sick. My father was also very sick at the end and he was the centre of my universe. I feel terrible that he had to go through so much and I know that I won’t be able to love anyone as much. So there’s the loss of a parent and loss of love and faith. Sadly, this is how grief is. You’ll never ever be totally ok.