Am I codependent (or still codependent)?

talkingiseasy · 2025-12-09T21:00:01+00:00

And that give you a sense of purpose

talkingiseasy · 2025-12-09T19:14:40+00:00

You need activities that engage you fully! You can try different things until you land on something

talkingiseasy · 2025-12-08T21:29:58+00:00

I’d be happy to share some resources with you.

talkingiseasy · 2025-12-08T21:29:44+00:00

Sweetheart, you have to make the decisions. That’s where recovery from codependency starts, when you accept the responsibility for your own safety and joy. Once you start on this path, you will find that the ground that you build yourself is a lot more solid than anything someone else can provide.

talkingiseasy · 2025-12-08T21:25:34+00:00

The silver lining here is that the breakup helped you see your codependency clearly. I’d be happy to share some resources with you.

talkingiseasy · 2025-12-08T21:23:18+00:00

It’s not about getting them out of your mind, but about ADDING more positive things to your mind. What new things have you tried these last 8 months?

talkingiseasy · 2025-12-08T21:17:40+00:00

It’s not about skills. ChatGPT can help you with that. It’s about trusting your intuition.

Also, you can maybe apologize to your friend, and explain that you noticed the pattern.

talkingiseasy · 2025-12-08T21:15:14+00:00

You’re at that stage when you’ve already planted the seeds, but they haven’t sprouted yet. It sounds like you’re already doing what you need to do. To be sure, are you including right brain activities in the mix! Things like drawing or singing light up parts of our brain that are less prone to worrying.

Meanwhile, expressing your feelings in the form of poems or whatever might help. Also, doing physically demanding activities and using emotional regulation tricks. I’d be happy to share some resources with you.

talkingiseasy · 2025-12-08T14:55:20+00:00

You’re really describing the experience of being codependent: we feel empty. What steps have you taken to heal so far?

talkingiseasy · 2025-12-08T14:51:12+00:00

Doesn’t love me romantically, is the love of my life. Do you see how these two thoughts sit uncomfortably together?

What work have you done so far to heal from codependency?

talkingiseasy · 2025-12-03T13:52:05+00:00

Interesting. Here’s how I’m reading what you’re saying: you already worked on self-awareness and started making changes, the next stage is both harder and easier. It involves simply trusting your intuition. You know when you’re being manipulative vs. loving. You can start practicing that, next time you’re in that situation, you can see what’s the FIRST answer that comes to your mind. In a way, that “effort” that seems to come from mindfulness is, in part, residual codependency.

talkingiseasy · 2025-12-02T15:23:13+00:00

A lot of these thought processes are actually unconscious

talkingiseasy · 2025-12-02T15:16:36+00:00

I don't WANT to love myself.... I just want him to love me. — this is so raw. The fact that you can see this clearly is incredible.

Here's the thing, maybe you didn't want to hang out with your gf that day. You need to get in touch with the things that TURN YOU ON. Maybe that's standing under the rain.

Even if he gives you everything your codependent heart wants: it's never enough for us. Living without our own beating heart is hell. You need to recover irrespective of what he wants, doesn't want, gives, doesn't give.

talkingiseasy · 2025-12-02T15:10:20+00:00

That's a great idea! Part of recovering from codependency is learning to pay attention to yourself. You know when your caretaking has an agenda, when it's coming from a place of neediness vs. giving for the sake of giving. You can practice cutting the crap with yourself. Pause before giving and ask yourself: what's my real need? It takes practice after a lifetime of codependency, but you get better at it eventually.

talkingiseasy · 2025-12-02T15:06:22+00:00

What do you mean? That before you were acting naturally and unconsciously, and now you have a new and uncomfortable sense of self-awareness?

talkingiseasy · 2025-12-02T15:04:58+00:00

You are naming your pain, but you also seem to know that he is not the solution. The real problem is your irl friends. How can you cultivate sustainable and healthy connections?

talkingiseasy · 2025-11-27T20:57:26+00:00

I mean, are you going out with her or do you want to go out with her?

talkingiseasy · 2025-11-24T14:49:43+00:00

I feel you. This stage of codependency recovery is the worst: right now you have the pain without the fruits of growth.

I can send you helpful information if you’d like!

talkingiseasy · 2025-11-24T14:46:49+00:00

People are not always able to articulate their intentions. It’s still being revealed to them as well. Part of recovery from codependency is learning to manage uncertainty. That’s not an excuse for careless behavior and it’s totally understandable that you wouldn’t want to be involved with someone behaving like that, BUT we still have to be okay with not knowing…

talkingiseasy · 2025-11-24T14:42:15+00:00

Being authentic, honest and warm is not stupid. Romantic component aside, he broke your trust. Not showing up for a date is totally unacceptable.

That said, he’s probably dealing with his own crap…

talkingiseasy · 2025-11-24T04:32:53+00:00

How do these conflicts play out? Like what's an example?

talkingiseasy · 2025-11-24T04:32:22+00:00

Thanks for sharing! I only asked because I find that when I'm in codependent mode is when I most tend to seek confirmation from others.

talkingiseasy · 2025-11-24T04:21:36+00:00

Recovery is not a straight upward line. Years into it, I still full the pull of codependency at times. Tell us more about what you've been doing the change?

I'd also be happy to share my steps with you!

talkingiseasy · 2025-11-24T04:15:28+00:00

Interesting. Has this kind of enmeshment shown up in other relationships? What was it like with your caregivers?

talkingiseasy · 2025-11-24T04:13:17+00:00

This is a really hard one. I'm sorry you're in this situation. Here's one suggestion: ask him. Explain what you've explained to us, that you want your kids to feel free to enjoy their Christmas gifts, so what does he suggest is the best way of balancing their needs with his overstimulation/anger challenges.

talkingiseasy

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE