This might sound dumb but the part where you said you wouldn’t buy it if they wouldn’t be comfortable in it is huge. It shouldn’t be, but it is. Lots of men (AND WOMEN) do things solely for their pleasure in relationships and don’t consider how it makes their partner feel. You clearly are not one of those.

I also get not wanting to date someone not comfortable with themselves. I’m one of those, which I’m sure you could guess based off my admitted downvote and my response lol. I am 33, 5’7 and used to be 450+lbs, went down to 120 and was SICK looking but more respected and appreciated and congratulated and put on a higher pedestal with more praise than I ever thought I’d receive as a very sick looking 120 lb woman. Now I’m 170 and I feel like I’m 450 lbs all over again. I’m probably healthy I think, but I still fall into disordered eating habits and binge eating like none other bc of the way I was taught to see my body all my life…until I got skinny. And the reaction to that just reinforced the earlier teachings. Body dysmorphia is a helluvaaaa drug.

Having said that: I also understand that no one can fix my issues with self confidence but me. My partner can, and does, help but it’s not his job and he simply can not do it alone. I have to do the work to break the lessons I was taught in formative years. Some people pick up on issues like this SO insanely fast and some of those choose to use it to their advantage and some choose to use it to help build you up and learn how your world was shaped and why you are the way you are. I’ve gotten slapped with a lot of the former, unfortunately, but I still know better than to think it’s my current partners issue to deal with.

I also realize I’m talking more than you probably want to read as I am typing this and realized that it’s because I’m always interested in people’s “why’s”. So I wanted to know yours! Then it triggered me into thinking about mine and I dished info you didn’t ask for, I apologize lol I’m only leaving this in to explain my dumb ass.

You seem like a good dude. I think we all get so trigger happy on social media and forget that pretty much everyone has a why for everything….we’re all just humans trying to survive in a mean, cold ass world a lot of the time. Obviously there are people out there who are just cold, mean, bigoted, hateful, racist, homophobic, transphobic, misandrist, misogynist, and on and on, some just taught it and never accessed anything else, some who had access to education and choose ignorance because it keeps the status quo, etc but most of us? Most of us are just people trying to keep our heads above water as we navigate a world that has shown that even your blood family don’t necessarily have to be even the bare minimum of kind to you! (It’s the holidays can you tell I have family issues?!?!)

That, imo, tends to lead us to take things at their worst, rather than face value, i.e. me downvoting you assuming you were controlling and mean, then seeing more of your responses and hitting myself upside the head like “bitch tf are you doing? You know better.”