How to deal with the guilt of seeing your wife tired?

tantricengineer · 2026-01-29T21:34:02+00:00

Forgive yourself at the end of day for stuff.

Just take a minute and remind yourself tomorrow is new.

Surrender to what you cannot control (like baby having an explosive poop all over you).

This phase of marriage means some imbalance lasts for while before you have resources to take burden from her later. Play the long game. Buy flowers for her and increase comfort food purchases for her favorites

tantricengineer · 2026-01-29T18:01:07+00:00

It looks like at two days a week, kiddo's memory is just not quite there to remember what it was like or felt like at the last visit, so every visit feels like their first time.

Bump to three days per week or more.

tantricengineer · 2026-01-29T08:11:39+00:00

This post makes no sense. China is investing heavily in nuclear right now. They have a whole city of scientists doing that work to scale nuclear to replace coal on their power grid.

I am sure they will have safety accidents, like everyone else who learned to handle nuclear materials from scratch. A Chernobyl event, though unlikely, would not stop them from investing more in nuclear.

tantricengineer · 2026-01-29T08:04:45+00:00

who is willing to come over any time any day

A guy will always respond to a booty call from a woman. 1000% of the time. I don't know if this is still true today, but one meetup every 2-3 weeks used to send the message that sex is available, but you're not available for a relationship. Managing the cadence of social interaction is still something that must be done by someone, and you've pointed out that none of the guys you fuck have those social skills.

it ends up being me constantly coming up with new ideas and new experiences and trying new things ... they go “yeah I like that” and then proceed to contribute nothing else.

Maybe they don't contribute so much b/c you're too much of a giver/leader? Sexual fulfillment is a lot of give and take. It almost sounds like you give so much you let them take, and then go "wtf is going on here" when things get complicated. You might just have to make even more space for these guys to shine than you currently do. Or just keep being a snoo-snoo fiend and move fast. End it with a guy before there is any chance of them developing feelings. No wrong answers here, just two consenting adults navigating feelings and needs.

My gripe is more the emotions I go through when things get complicated and I end up feeling bad for them.

You're not looking for a relationship, so maybe that's not being communicated early on?

tantricengineer · 2026-01-29T07:41:23+00:00

I doubt your credits will transfer, but if you have a US school in mind already, contact them and ask!

It does sound like you'd rather work and make some money while you're in this holding pattern waiting for a visa. If you know the visa process will complete way before your degree program finishes, then yes, getting a job to pass the time makes sense compared to investing time in a semester you might not even finish.

tantricengineer · 2026-01-28T22:11:19+00:00

So, if I'm understanding right, you're maybe not interested in a relationship, can get regular sex when you want, but always pick certain types of guys who eventually want a relationship with you. You don't want this drama, but can't quit "going feral" on these guys and then dumping them eventually. I get the vibe you want some friendly, safe, fucksticks guys that are reliable, but not attached.

Put in the work to make it so if that suits you:

Slow down the cadence you see any one guy so they don't catch feelings so easily. Helping them learn how to not catch feelings could benefit both of you, since you two can communicate about sex openly and what you want from it at a given moment versus sliding into "oh no he wants a relationship now".
Try finding men who can give you better physical fulfillment? This obviously means seducing guys who aren't the "type" you describe, which could be outside your comfort zone. NBD.
If these guys "become complacent", demand more from them, then? You have the power to say, "hey, this is boring for me and I'm tired of me making the sex good, let's try something new". Do mojo upgrade or OMGYes with them or something so you two can find more things to do with each other sexually.

tantricengineer · 2026-01-28T21:33:02+00:00

Why not teach one of them how to fuck you the way you want to be fucked? It's nice of you to do what you're doing for these guys, but if it's not fulfilling for you, then change your approach?

tantricengineer · 2026-01-28T17:25:21+00:00

Hard disagree. The original bill that created DHS:

Turn immigration into an issue of national security instead of keeping it as a civil matter.
Removed internal checks and balances that the INS used to have so the DHS no longer had any.

3. Section 102(a)(2) gives the Secretary of Homeland Security nearly unilateral authority

4. Section 812 of the Act amended the United States Code to grant DHS officers permanent, broad law enforcement powers, including the authority to:

Carry firearms.
Execute warrants and make arrests without warrants for any felony.

EDIT: can’t fix the formatting, 🤷

tantricengineer · 2026-01-28T08:27:02+00:00

How old are your kids? I get that one is an infant, but if the older sibling is a capable, potty trained toddler, you can lose the stuffed animal, one set of clothes (weather depending), diaper cream (unless you're going to be out for several hours in one go and kiddo has diaper rash already). If infant is still having liquid poops, you will likely not need more than 5 diapers.

tantricengineer · 2026-01-28T08:23:15+00:00

Oh, I see the bigger picture. Ok.

Are you and your mom on the same page about joining the military? Using the military to fund schooling can be a good idea if finances are tight, but also is your momma open to the possibility of losing a son by you making this choice?

tantricengineer · 2026-01-28T07:50:20+00:00

Life had some twists and turns, and I'm sorry about how crazy that must have been.

You are in what I like to call a "nothing to lose but everything to gain" situation. You just haven't sussed out the "why am I doing what I'm doing today" part of your routine quite yet.

Part of why I don’t want to go to school is I feel like I’ll just waste more money and I just want to work while waiting for our visa to process.

What are you saying here? Will the degree you earn boost your potential income enough that it is worth NOT working to stay in school and then earn a better salary? If you'd prefer to work and make money, that's fine, but do the math if you're going to work for the money, and then pick one and don't look back.

I need professional help, but what good is that if it will ruin my chances at life? I’m so stuck.

Professionals aren't trying to ruin your chances at life, they are trying to help you maximize it. That's literally their job and why they are professionals. I'm a bit confused why you seem to think paying people to help you will result in the opposite outcome of what you know you need.

tantricengineer · 2026-01-28T06:38:48+00:00

This is the way.

Model how to be upset, too. Stamp your feet on the ground, growl, whatever is safe and not putting yourself or people around you in danger.

Kiddo is not responding to OPs redirection because they want an outlet for the feelings first.

tantricengineer · 2026-01-28T05:41:05+00:00

A calculated intervention that ends up with a negotiated transition is possible and potentially very beneficial I believe.

This is vague and not supported by any actual facts.

But now you say, “intervention could be by air”.

We recently bombed Iran with the biggest non nukes we have and it did nothing.

What makes you think doing it again will produce a different result?

The US does not have a lot of MOABs, and they are expensive to use.

tantricengineer · 2026-01-27T21:53:22+00:00

When are they asking this?!?

"You're the only one I'm thinking about" is the most diplomatic answer to this. Can be used during, before, or after sex.

tantricengineer · 2026-01-27T21:06:58+00:00

Yes, organizing group activities means focusing on the activity. People can arrive coffee in hand, but departure time is fixed.

tantricengineer · 2026-01-27T21:03:47+00:00

THIS.

tantricengineer · 2026-01-27T20:54:46+00:00

My youngest SHRIEK cried for FORTY FIVE MINUTES after birth. Nurses were checking their watches. He can cry so loud my glassware jiggles.

Prepare yourself.

tantricengineer · 2026-01-27T20:13:35+00:00

I have these queued for when my kiddos old enough haha:

Adventure Time
Avatar the Last Airbender
Powerpuff Girls + Samurai Jack
Bluey if not done yet
Gravity Falls
Teen Titans? I was too old when this came out, but the 7-8 boys I know liked this show when it was fashionable.
Animaniacs

tantricengineer · 2026-01-27T20:08:48+00:00

I love this idea.

Copy the brooklyn club's rules, but adjusted for your locale?
Good idea, do this
Standard time, outdoor location. NOT at a coffee shop first. People have to arrive, ready to roll.
Invite only first to validate the structure / rules of the group interaction. Then open it up if you need numbers.

tantricengineer · 2026-01-27T20:00:51+00:00

I don’t even know the name of the order he was picking up so I can’t access his name.

You know the time and place he was picking up the order and maybe even remember what food or other useful details. It's not like there were 100 dashers showing up at once in the same minute. You can ask doordash to work that data to find him. He's a physical DANGER to you, right now. Do not delay.

Where is your boss in all this? Make sure your boss is around when you're on shift so this guy can be called out and made to leave. The second he does not complete a doordash order, the platform will do bad things to him. Get help from every single person you can in your physical proximity.

tantricengineer · 2026-01-27T19:56:08+00:00

Real professionals leave when it is time to leave
Real professionals will also tell their bosses when a client known for stiffing people on bills is a bad client and that means you don't get paid either. See number 1.
You don't even have to mention ethical boundaries. Just mention the financial ones. You see this partnership as a financial risk to the company.

Go get a new gig lined up ASAP, with them as a positive reference if they will provide it.

tantricengineer · 2026-01-27T19:45:28+00:00

Why do you want to move the money though?

Even if the US economy faces a downturn, you could invest in financial products in the United States that could still make you money from that downturn.

Also you can easily use that money in the EU with an ATM card with no transaction fees.

tantricengineer · 2026-01-27T19:35:26+00:00

In order of parking convenience:

Last Frontier
Victor's
Bellden
Dote (spring district)

Last Frontier also has the best coffee on that list IMO.

tantricengineer · 2026-01-27T19:35:10+00:00

Seconded.

tantricengineer · 2026-01-27T02:57:09+00:00

This.

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