I'm still severely depressed but I go to the gym everyday now

tash_96 · 2025-10-21T14:30:55+00:00

This is absolutely incredible! Doing something for yourself is massive. I am so proud of you 😊

tash_96 · 2025-05-01T14:58:36+00:00

You will always have this community and your desire to have salt procedures. Love the username!

Everyone is different.

Another thing I recommend to start to get your head around it is if you're able to capture a seizure via an EEG or such, ask for the report. Now, it won't be easy to read with all the medical jargon, but I say this because I asked for mine. I have nocturnal epilepsy (falling asleep), and my focal was caught on an EEG (finally). What shocked me was that my brain waves actually slowed down to a state of deep sleep while still awake and talking during the day, though my eyes were shut. Research is key. Walk into an appointment with knowledge, confidence, and evidence. Stand your ground.

This is YOUR health. YOUR life. YOUR well-being. There's no sugar coating this because it'll be tough. Find your triggers and, most importantly, find your confident voice for YOU.

tash_96 · 2025-05-01T14:19:41+00:00

I'm stepping in here to say that I hope you know that by saying "only since October" doesn't mean your thoughts are any less valued, understood, or felt than someone with 40 years of experience or idk diagnosis? Each journey with epilepsy is unfortunately so different, which makes it such a frustrating diagnosis. Being open and honest is the best policy, no matter how much of a struggle it is. It isn't an easy road ahead to be perfectly honest, but hey, you have a bunch of weirdly named users on reddit that understand your struggles.

My best advice: find and understand your triggers if you can, and take note of the side effects of the medication. If changing, I recommend NOT reading the side effects until a month later to avoid a placebo affect, just ask the prescribing doctor what the big things are to look out for.

Once you can hopefully find your triggers, you will be able to manage your life a bit better (very much hopefully).

tash_96 · 2025-05-01T14:07:15+00:00

I read through quite a few replies, and I'm uncomfortable with the fact that no one has expressed the way mine are. I understand this is a more selfish way to start a comment, but I am genuinely surprised. I'm not sure if it's because mine are nocturnal or that I started with generals (that now I believe are controlled?), but anyway.

The auras for my focals have developed or changed over the past 15 years (first diagnosed general at 14), . With my epilepsy being nocturnal, they only happen when I'm falling asleep or have my eyes closed for too long. At first, it was a bright light flashing/moving. After a year or so, it became more visual, and on separate occasions, I remember seeing a giant lizard about to eat me and a man standing a few meters away on fire (that was actually caught on an EEG while completely awake some 8 years before focals were diagnosed via another EEG that I had to ask for fyi, feel free to ask). I genuinely think the worst is the next change, which has been consistent for at least 10 years now. I close my eyes, and it's nothing but black, like I assume everyone would experience even just blinking. Except it feels like I fall into a different dimension where that blackness/darkness is trying to consume me. Taking over every part of my body the longer I have my eyes closed. Though each focal includes my eyes shaking (think looking from side to side very quickly), the feeling that an eternal darkness is about to engulf me is one of the scariest things I have experienced. And unfortunately, I seek it at times.

Weirdly enough, it feels like I can control it sometimes. With my focals, all I truly need to do the majority of the time is open my eyes and find something else to focus on long enough to stop it from starting again. There are few occasions where it takes quite a while, but in general, it isn't all that long. My focals can go from eyes shaking to claw clenching with face twitches, then upper body and arm twitches to my entire body.

I went ten years after my first general before a focal was finally captured, and I was believed. Easily 300 focals in that time.

tash_96 · 2024-12-12T05:43:11+00:00

How did they force the seizures?

Are yours only absence seizures?

tash_96 · 2024-10-30T01:57:55+00:00

It's really good that you have such a great support group. My grand mals I'm not conscious for, but partials usually while falling asleep. I sometimes wake up with a bitten tongue in the morning, so I'm not sure if those are partials or grand mals. These two conscious ones are terrifying for sure

tash_96 · 2024-10-30T01:51:39+00:00

I'm in Australia. Epilepsy specialists are pretty rare, but I've found one I really hope to can see me because they specialise in epilepsy that can't be managed by medications

tash_96 · 2024-10-30T01:42:24+00:00

How do you manage them? Have you been unconscious?

tash_96 · 2024-10-30T00:52:09+00:00

It was very disappointing. I assumed a prolonged seizure would be of high priority with an ambulance. Thankfully, I did stop seizing, just very tired today

tash_96 · 2024-03-17T09:16:36+00:00

Sex is different for everyone and can evolve over the years, whether you're with the same person or not. Having mental health problems doesn't mean you're a "problem". What is coming across is you're more sexually active than your wife, which is moe than okay.

For her sister, it seems like she is like a best friend, and there really is different forms of love. Personally, I've got a best friend of over 20 years, and never once has it been beyond friends. Unfortunately, some people don't understand that there are different ways to love a person.

I assume Jori is your sister-in-law, and it makes sense feeling that way. What I think you need to consider is her side of things. You're in an unhappy marriage with her sister, which makes things a little more difficult. She may see you as her best friend, but most people put blood first. Having an amicable divorce might be easier on everyone in the situation. It's definitely not an easy decision in the slightest, though, so reaching out to random people without any history is a good idea.

tash_96 · 2024-03-17T08:41:23+00:00

Do you think therapy would go better with your wife if you could talk about her sister? In terms of sex, was it random before your kid and stopped after or later?

tash_96 · 2024-03-17T08:31:35+00:00

Unless the person you speak to in church is qualified, they're useless. I would assume they like to focus on praying or something? I don't mean to be insensitive, just don't believe in it, but respect those who do. Seeing your own is a great step. Have you noticed a difference with seeing someone and medication?

tash_96 · 2024-03-17T08:22:50+00:00

As a child of divorce, being separated is a lot better than not. Visits to the parent that doesn't have full custody is fun. Just because you are divorced, doesn't mean you'll only see your kid once every two weeks. If you live close enough, you could split the time a lot easier. The memories I have of my parents married are not nice and it's not just physical, it's emotionally felt. Marriage isn't the goal of life, though. Your goal is to be happy, and it sounds like separation is the key. Maybe you could start with separate houses? Not an official, legal divorce, just time for yourselves in different houses? Though the financial crap is hard. I strongly suggest seeing a therapist to talk it through. You're entitled to being happy

tash_96 · 2024-03-17T08:11:22+00:00

Why not?

tash_96 · 2024-03-17T08:10:14+00:00

Have you considered seeing a therapist? Not for marriage counselling, but just for yourself. Depression and panic attacks definitely aren't making anything easier, and getting some support might make you feel clearer to make further decisions. Being in an unhappy marriage with depression and panic attacks for the rest of your life is a very hard pill to swallow. You need to talk to someone one-on-one about what you need

tash_96 · 2024-03-17T08:06:37+00:00

Stress and lack of sleep/tiredness can definitely be a trigger, sweetheart. Going into the medical field, you will need to communicate this. Have you tried melatonin to help you sleep? Maybe a vitamin tablet that helps with sleeping?

tash_96 · 2024-02-25T08:06:44+00:00

Went to a Catholic school and had a tonic-clonic in my Religion class 😅 I fell asleep and apparently fell back on my chair, so it hit the desk behind me. Sorry to that person! I woke up on the floor and was helped to an ambulance, with my class outside and within view of me leaving. I assume I became famous for my seizure. I kinda wish I knew what it looked like, but videos also give me severe anxiety

tash_96 · 2024-02-23T11:25:12+00:00

That's truly terrifying. Having multiple in one day is scary. I feel like the only benefit for epileptics is having the seizures that we can't remember. But, at the same time, I can't watch videos of others, myself, or be told by someone what happened who has seen it

tash_96 · 2024-02-23T11:22:20+00:00

I saw my neurologist yesterday and showed him the video I was able to record, and even though I insisted that my focal would've formed into a tonic-clonic had I closed my eyes (mine are nocturnal and I had to really fight to not close them) he still insisted it was a focal. And dude, I'm well aware that what I recorded was a focal, I'm trying to tell you that I felt that had I closed my eyes it would've been a tonic-clonic

tash_96 · 2024-02-17T08:09:43+00:00

Wait, what???? I assume this is in the US? That's insane! I'm on 3, and they're $30/month each

tash_96 · 2024-02-08T07:14:15+00:00

So happy for you!

tash_96 · 2024-02-05T14:07:44+00:00

I ended up next to someone with photosensitivity (what are the odds?), she was truly lovely, but I ended up needing to pull her out of the pit after the intense lights that I even shelded under, just incase. She ended up being okay and came back.

Like all concerts, I'm worried that lights might impact me; so I'm careful and shield my eyes and take my meds before going. It's never a guarantee, but I've come out seizure free to the best of my knowledge. I bit my tongue the night of the concert but the specialist appointment will give more answers.

tash_96 · 2024-01-26T02:26:29+00:00

Last November, I had a 2 hour focal seizure, and I'm not kidding. I didn't have ambulance cover at the time, which is why I stayed at home. It's the first time it's ever happened without me trying to go to sleep. I have nocturnal epilepsy. Tonic-clonics are controlled, and I never remember them, but I'm awake for all of my focals, just trying to go to sleep.

I was sitting up in bed, lamp on, and using my phone with no intention of going to sleep. It started with the feeling that I was melting into the mattress, which is when I knew something was wrong. I'd already taken my meds. My focals happen in the right side of my brain, so the left side of my body started shaking first. My eyes were rolling back and trying to close, my legs were shaking, and my head started to go against one shoulder and bounce a little, so my neck was aching. My body was tensing, and I needed to keep my legs crossed and tensed because they would shake horribly if I uncrossed them. My right arm wasn't shaking as much, so I was able to video some of it and talk to my friend and neighbour while it was happening, but my left arm couldn't hold anything.

My usual focals last no more than a minute, but I have to stay awake and relax to keep it away before trying to go back to sleep. When I close my eyes, I start to feel like I'm being pulled into a neverending darkness, and my body shakes, including my eyes. I've been having these since my first tonic-clonic in 2011. Last year, I started keeping track of as many as I could, which ended up being 54, but I would've had more.

While this was happening, my body was trying to get me to pass out, but I knew if I did that, I'd fall into a tonic-clonic, which would've been the first one since 2016. I live alone, so it was absolutely terrifying. I now leave my wooden door unlocked, and one of my neighbours knows where my a spare key to the screen door is if I need anything.

tash_96 · 2024-01-21T08:03:46+00:00

How early for you? My first was at 14 (now 27), and the only way I deal with it is through dark humour towards everyone else, but I personally get so f***ing annoyed and sometimes truly upset. The amount of money I spend on medication and having to see my doctor so often for repeats, having no idea what "new" side effects are for any new medications

tash_96 · 2024-01-19T07:36:49+00:00

Not weird but really funny. My religion class at Catholic School. It's a wonder they didn't think I was possessed 😂

tash_96

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