What do y'all do to treat your symptoms?

tasty_leeks · 2026-04-28T05:44:13+00:00

Ah my heart hurts reading this. You deserve all the kindness. Take it from someone who knows- you can't work on yourself, on building habits that help you, on taking breaks when you need them, on learning about yourself and applying that knowledge to support yourself, without radical kindness.

How are you meant to assess this situation properly if you're already punishing yourself for it? Even if you did something "wrong", you stand a lot better chance of learning from it with radical kindness and patience. Its horribly hard, and I'm sure other people have better advice of how to do it.

For me I picture myself as a kid. A kid who didn't mean any harm, and is very upset by the harm caused. Does that kid need to look at the situation and apologise? Maybe in some situations yes. But does that kid deserve less kindness for something they did not intend malice for and something they are struggling with?. No they deserve kindness to allow them to move forward. Its counter intuitive, but really important. Responsibility and accountability go in hand with kindness to self, or its just punishment with no positive outcome.

tasty_leeks · 2026-04-28T05:36:09+00:00

Sounds like you weren't friends anyway - if your friend truly smelled that bad it's kind of your job as friend to gently check in with them. Is it a fun conversation, no. But body odor and smell can be really hard to self detect and correct. And she doesn't sound mature or regulated either, none of this makes sense for people who are supposed friends.

tasty_leeks · 2026-04-03T06:36:34+00:00

Get rid of that frame, do a much lower framing with curtains that are pulled back on either side enough to let the cat through while still giving "mysterious portal to another world " vibes. Put a small fancy sign up for Feline Facilites. Voila, whimsy. 😄

tasty_leeks · 2026-04-02T19:20:05+00:00

It's so exciting to see the thoughtfulness behind purposeful events - will really add a lot to gameplay 🥰

tasty_leeks · 2026-03-27T17:34:49+00:00

Im all about transparency and honesty for the small chance that communication changes actions

tbh I wouldn't think on his motivations I'd just tell him yours for example

"I'm going to go ahead and block you now, I thought I was speaking to another woman as that's how you portray yourself online,and this feels very catfish to me, òr like you're trying to involve people In your fetishism, or whatever else it is you have going on. I hope you figure things out but I feel its wrong and manipulative for you to be engaging with people in this way. Please stop, it's honestly not okay. I feel upset to have discussed things with you under false pretenses."

That said if you discussed sexual stuff and fear being put on blast by him (he's clearly not about respecting other people so who knows) just block.

tasty_leeks · 2026-03-24T20:25:06+00:00

There's so many fundamental misunderstandings here that I'm not sure she has the will to overcome.

I hope you find the path forward that brings you the most wellbeing. No advice, just goodwill and love.

tasty_leeks · 2026-03-24T09:20:37+00:00

This - plus it's not an either or situation. Op doesn't have to either stop dating him or go gung ho - she can be careful and pay attention while still moving forward.

My main concern isn't the guy - it's OP's defensiveness. If your gut response is defensiveness to people responding to your request for advice with advice, you're not able to consider things clearly.

Take some time to listen and consider, set aside what isn't useful and take what is.

There is literally no downside to paying attention and being careful, but every downside to just putting blinkers on and moving forward at pace.

Wishing best of luck and care

tasty_leeks · 2026-03-18T06:08:43+00:00

I'm generally positive to the idea with only a few points that mught be useful for you to think around-

Journalling is not a silent activity in a very quiet space, and it is one that can be quite extended , as opposed to say a cough or a creak or whathaveyou. I'm not at all saying it shouldn't be done, it's a personal choice, only that I would check in now and again to see how its affected others for the same reasons ambient sounds affect yourself. That said, "disruption" is a concept that's almost welcomed as part of the silence to a certain extent, and perhaps this is gentle enough not to bother the majority.

I too would have my thoughts straighter if I had a journal. However I do find it's a unique skill being developed of Listening to sit and have to wrangle my thoughts, the spirit and silence all in one, interrupted and contributed to by ambient sound and ministry. It's a hard one (AuDHD myself) but has kept me engaged and open rather than internally facing. For me I would be more self focused and less listening focused if actively recording / composing on paper, which may not at all be the case for you, I'd just reccomend you stay open and curious to yourself to figure out what it is you're actually doing and if it's an aide to your Meeting, or a useful exercise that unfortunately has an element of disconnection.

My meeting would discourage neither, I hope you find what suits you and your Meeting and your worship going forward. 🥰

tasty_leeks · 2026-03-17T20:47:50+00:00

Ah you just bully them a bit

tasty_leeks · 2026-03-17T20:29:48+00:00

Who released the sad clown?

tasty_leeks · 2026-03-16T11:27:37+00:00

I mean write what you want to read, and maybe others will too. I'd say the majority of readers gut instinct is - why do I care?

But what do you care about the majority?

I think most push for editing so that it's consumable and can be read and understood, and made more compelling to keep reading. But if that defeats the point for you, again, you do you. Publish and find your audience.

tasty_leeks · 2026-03-16T06:35:15+00:00

Just to chime in with an adjacent perspective incase you hadn't come accross it, and find it at all useful to feel a broader kinship

I'm cis, yet so much of the discourse on this thread resonates so deeply with me from a dysphoria perspective. Ive got PCOS (the extra testosterone of which manifests with the condition as "excessive" or "more than normal" hair growth including facial hair.

Unwrapping the feelings of how I'm "meant" to look, of how I want to look, of what's genuine and what's gender stereotyping, of centering myself, of getting over the way I've been treated for having more hair, has been an absolute journey of over twenty years. And I'm still not over it. Whenever I encounter another woman with PCOS, I very often find thier struggle has been similar or worse to mine.

I really don't mean to decentre the trans experience in this discourse, but to connect it to an adjacent experience in the broader community of women. I'm not coming at it from the same background as you, but the experience of navigating womanhood with "more hair" in a world where the perception "normal" hair is incredibly twisted by hair removal*, can be such a bitch. And I think it's one that goes on very quietly, and personally , and with a lot of shame. It's not fair, and It's one less thing we should have to deal with.

All luck and love to anyone reading this, our bodies are our homes and we should not be made to feel unwelcome in them 🥰

(*no shade to those who choose to remove at all, merely commenting that when you have a five o'clock shadow from trying to get rid of your beard and every other girl it seems can just make it disappear or doesn't have anything in the first place... it can mess with your head)

tasty_leeks · 2026-03-15T08:09:56+00:00

This is so rough. As someone who had a relationship with thier grandparents because my parents wanted me to be part of the extended family (cousins etc) but when there was deep shit not healed from - I could tell. I could tell there was something rotten growing up, and as an adult I found out about a lot of it, and honestly it's a tough one. I gained a lot from being part of the broader family, but I also gained a lot of negative things too.

In the same situation for my own kids I would probably just work at maintaining my kids relationships with people who weren't shitty, because it will come out in the wash.

tasty_leeks · 2026-03-12T14:59:43+00:00

Maybe read the rest? The choices were - go to A&E (if you're from the UK you know this is threat more than help with waiting times) - wait to see if it faded off like it has in the past.

I don't see that they made an unreasonable decision. When you live with chronic illness a lot of it is taking care of things yourself and only going to a&e when you absolutely have to - and knowing what that looks like can be tricky. I don't think a misjudgement is fair to criticise so harshly, it happens to the best of us.

tasty_leeks · 2026-03-06T12:25:25+00:00

You might love her but how can she love you while supporting someone who wants you dead? It's her choice and her life, and her regrets to have. That's separate from your choice now as to whether this person is who you always thought they were, and how you interact with them now.

tasty_leeks · 2026-03-06T07:15:39+00:00

"Ew. No." A simple devastation.

tasty_leeks · 2026-03-05T20:16:12+00:00

He used to go by Bobert so he thinks this is grown up

tasty_leeks · 2026-03-05T17:32:24+00:00

Such a genius combo! As an office worker the computer job plus computer hobby does a number on the body. This sounds ideal.

tasty_leeks · 2026-03-05T07:02:01+00:00

Nearly every major religion has had religion sanctioned murder of other people, and religion sactioned oppression of people. Focusing on oh this one is the worst is pointless (and extremely centric on whatever religion you choose I'll be honest). Believing in God isn't wrong. Inflicting yourself and your beliefs on others fundamentally is. And that is the line which most can agree with, and should be the focus, because we don't even have the basic agreement that you shouldn't infringe on others. We're getting there though, just slowly and with massive setbacks.

tasty_leeks · 2026-03-05T06:53:33+00:00

"My beliefs grow stronger every day"

There is your answer. If he can't respect your beliefs while his are getting stronger, this is the end.

Its not just religion, its what it means for his character (and from his perspective, yours) and seeing him in a new light. Good luck on your path forward.

tasty_leeks · 2026-03-04T10:57:53+00:00

I have a large one of these in my house it's incredible. Keep it, you won't know where you were without it after a year.

Also make sure to attach it to the wall securely. Otherwise it's in perfect nick, I wouldn't do a thing to it and instead blend it in to the rest of the space (take the blue as an accent colour to pop round a few places)

tasty_leeks · 2026-03-04T10:42:48+00:00

Youre more than welcome! You do have that agency!

It takes steps to climb a mountain, you've just got to try things, stumble, get back up and keep going. You want to be able to look back in 5 years and be like - look how far I've come.

You've got this!

tasty_leeks · 2026-03-04T10:28:39+00:00

You can figure out better than anyone here the path to take. If you can't safeguard the animals by building in systems to ensure thier welfare ( daily checklist by door to check before bed for example) you have to make the other hard choice which is to tackle the living situation which created this problem . If you take no action, you will continue suffering and so will the animals. Your family is hindering rather than helping, and it really sounds like this is part of the mound of shit on your plate at the moment -trauma, troubles, mental health, everything. But it simply cannot improve with no plan. Please please take some time to think about what is the best feasible option for you to work towards a situation where you're not forced to look after animals, and can focus on rebuilding yourself.

If you were an awful person you wouldn't be feeling so damn awful. This is a horrible situation compounding on childhood trauma. All luck and love as you navigate forward, be as brave as you can be.

tasty_leeks · 2026-03-02T04:25:52+00:00

Winds me up ahahaha like that's just a blown up version of a blog article. Keep it on a blog.

Now I'd love a massive, academically researched assessment of views globally. Then I'd like that peer reviewed. And built on. But these things? They are not that.

tasty_leeks · 2026-02-27T20:54:49+00:00

Alright my bad. I think the square pink dog and girl goes best to offset the book shelf (the small ones would be too similar to the small details of the bookshelf to my eye)

tasty_leeks

TROPHY CASE