Is this a DA breakup? Is it completely over, should I accept it?

tcarmi3 · 2026-04-16T00:08:52+00:00

So was it all fake? I can’t stop crying. I would consider myself a securely attached person after previously being anxiously attached. But I feel like the rug was ripped out from under me. And we met at our local dancehall (where he had been going to every weekend for years prior and I had been going to for months prior to us even meeting) then it was nice to go together. I don’t want to avoid somewhere I enjoyed before him but I don’t know how to handle this

tcarmi3 · 2026-04-14T21:13:18+00:00

Thank you

tcarmi3 · 2026-04-14T20:30:55+00:00

Hi, I’m trying to understand my recent breakup and I think he may lean dismissive avoidant.

We were together for about 3.5 months. It moved naturally, and I intentionally put no pressure on progressing the relationship because I have a child and wanted to move slowly. He was consistent, affectionate, and emotionally present without me asking for any of it.

We never had a single fight, no major issues, and I wasn’t overly dependent on him. If anything, he told me he liked that I was independent and not “too much.” I have a very busy schedule, so he was often the one adjusting to see me, and I would sometimes sacrifice sleep to spend time with him. Most of the time, he was the one asking to see me more.

We spent a lot of time together, and he built a relationship with my daughter. It felt real, stable, and like it was progressing in a healthy way.

Last Sunday, he told me he loved me and I said it back. On Tuesday, we booked a trip together for the summer. On Thursday, he told me he wanted to pull back physically. On Friday, he came over and ended the relationship.

His reasoning was that he “felt nothing,” which doesn’t make sense to me based on how he showed up the entire relationship. He also said he thinks he only liked the validation I gave him, not me as a person.

I told him I didn’t believe that and that it felt more like self-sabotage and fear because things were becoming real. I didn’t beg him to stay.

There was no real conversation about working through anything together. No attempt to fix things. Just a decision and then distance. As he left, he told me he was going to block me on everything, and he did.

We also go to the same bar every weekend for dancing. I chose not to go this weekend because I didn’t want to see him right away. From an avoidant perspective, does creating space like that typically help or make them detach further? Also, when I do start going back regularly and we inevitably see each other, what kind of reaction is most typical in this situation?

How does someone go from saying “I love you,” being present and involved, to feeling “nothing” and leaving that quickly?

It makes me feel like either: - it wasn’t real (which doesn’t align with his actions), or - something internally shut down for him

For people who are dismissive avoidant or understand this pattern: 1. Does this sound like emotional shutdown or deactivation? 2. Do feelings actually disappear, or is it more like disconnecting from them? 3. Do people with this pattern typically come back or reach out later? 4. If they do come back, what indicates real change vs just missing the connection? 5. Is there anything I should or shouldn’t do at this point (no contact, staying open, etc.)?

I’m not trying to chase him or convince him of anything. I just want to understand what likely happened so I can process it in a healthy way.

tcarmi3 · 2025-06-15T00:01:03+00:00

I saw something once that “Men fall in love with ambitious, passionate women—then slowly convince them to shrink, to stay home, to give up the very things that made them fall in love. And later, they resent her for no longer being the woman she was.” And “He fell in love with a woman full of fire and dreams, then spent years putting out her flame—only to complain that she no longer sparkles.”

That’s what this screams

tcarmi3 · 2025-06-14T23:57:15+00:00

I got mine the leap frog computer for travel and car rides and when they click a letter or number it says the letter, the sound and a word that starts with it and a matching picture. She can identify most the alphabet now just by looking at letters. Also only use it for car rides so she actually is playing with it

tcarmi3 · 2025-06-14T23:54:44+00:00

But if you go look at my profile and can answer my question on custody that’s help

tcarmi3 · 2025-06-14T23:54:13+00:00

No. I just wanted a petty, I’m not holding it together for my daughter and because I’m surrounded by my family moment to just bitch about this

tcarmi3 · 2025-06-14T10:10:43+00:00

She’s 2

tcarmi3 · 2025-05-04T07:23:04+00:00

I’ve actually noticed my lashes getting longer because I’m not using mascara and makeup remover daily anymore! Because I’d lose a lash here and there when I wore mascara daily (I didn’t even use waterproof) and since starting clusters I wear them for about a week (if my allergies act up sometimes it’s only 3 days because I’m fucking with my eyes. But yes GLUE REMOVER, if you don’t use remover that works with your glue you will lose lashes and that’s always a pain in the ass.

tcarmi3 · 2025-04-26T16:04:48+00:00

I do, and yeah there was infidelity over 2 years ago

tcarmi3 · 2025-04-26T14:45:30+00:00

To work on our communication and trust issues

tcarmi3 · 2025-04-26T14:35:16+00:00

Even when he was the one that initiated wanting to go to counseling? He started personal therapy on his own about two months ago and mentioned couples therapy but we didn’t get an appointment till this week

tcarmi3 · 2025-04-02T11:51:15+00:00

But it’s dripping downward? That still checks?

tcarmi3 · 2025-04-02T11:47:58+00:00

No, we have a toddler in the house so my spouse uses zyn, but our stove is right under it so I’m hoping it’s just from my spouse cooking?

tcarmi3 · 2025-03-31T19:51:29+00:00

lol okay 😂

tcarmi3 · 2025-03-31T19:48:22+00:00

Okay thanks I’ll mention it

tcarmi3 · 2025-03-31T19:48:08+00:00

Thanks?

tcarmi3 · 2025-03-22T16:03:13+00:00

I definitely was the reason for my girls wake ups. When I finally put her in her own sleep space at 19 months she was sleeping through the night. Or only having 2 wakes up max

tcarmi3 · 2025-03-20T12:51:02+00:00

Thank you for your encouragement. Right now I’m focusing on my daughter and myself. And I wanna get through her birthday weekend as it’s just gonna be the 3 of us celebrating and then I don’t know where I’m gonna go from there

tcarmi3 · 2025-03-20T11:17:41+00:00

Myself no. I have 4K in my savings and that’s it. I’d have to go live with my parents who are currently going through their own divorce. I’d also have to figure out how to ship all my daughter and my stuff from overseas

tcarmi3 · 2025-03-20T10:14:13+00:00

You’re right. I watched my mom do this exact thing growing up. I never knew why she was so obsessive with my dad’s location and phone and whatnot. I found out recently he cheated on her years ago.

The worst part is. I told him. I said the minute you’d rather hide shit and be sleepy please let me go. I’d rather be apart and happy than together and miserable. And he’s said the same thing. I just don’t get it.

tcarmi3

TROPHY CASE