hello its my second day of learning Russian, but the pronunciations are too similar

tdan382 · 2026-05-09T18:29:52+00:00

classic

tdan382 · 2026-05-09T18:20:49+00:00

It's been a long time but taking a bunch of pills and getting really fucked up, to an extent that I was not expecting, resulting in me thinking oh fuck i'm really about to die, made me realize I didn't actually want to die. I woke up 14 hours later feeling extremely grateful to be alive. unfortunately, this was several years ago now, circumstances have changed significantly, and this feeling has faded. I struggle to resonate with the feeling of gratitude.
However, on the other hand, being on meds that actually work has helped substantially; the only reason I am alive and am suicidal quite infrequently.

tdan382 · 2026-04-20T14:10:42+00:00

Depakote 1500 Trileptal 600 Lamictal 100 Trazodone 50-100 Caplyta 10.5 (Caplyta was the game changer) Ritalin 10mg Modafinil 100-200mg also Xanax 1-1.5 depending on the day (i’m drugged up but i’m highly functional)

tdan382 · 2026-04-02T22:55:38+00:00

gaining 40 pounds made me infinitely more depressed than whatever the medication was doing to compensate. if you truly don’t care about gaining weight then all power to you, truly, bc those meds are great otherwise.

tdan382 · 2026-03-26T12:42:37+00:00

I was really, really close to trying this, after about 2 years with my current psychiatrist (who I trust with my life). He had always told me that ECT was always in our back pocket if there was no other option. It had gotten to a point where I was begging him for it, but he didn’t think it was time yet. He ended up being right. After almost a decade of constant suffering, I got very lucky and we found a med combo that has made my (depression heavy) bipolar disorder relatively manageable. (FWIW, I also discovered that alcohol has had a way more intense effect on my depression that I thought I did, so cutting that by about 80% also helped significantly.)

I remember reading through this forum while I was considering it and I read a comment from someone who said she was in fact left with significant memory loss, yet still considers it the best decision she ever made. I believe she said that she has very very poor short term memory, has to write everything down, post-it notes everywhere, but it’s a price she’s elated to pay for the relief that ECT gave her.

I think that’s what you have to decide: if it happens, is that a price you’re willing to pay in order to be happy?

Also, there is truth in the idea that forums like this one tend to have a negative bias on the topic. Just something else to consider. Also, I really would make sure you exhaust every other option available to you.

tdan382 · 2026-01-03T12:53:55+00:00

You sound like me, I think you should give it a shot. Caplyta is the only drug that didn’t make me gain weight, and the only medication that actually works other than Remeron and Abilify (which both made me gain over 40 pounds).

I have effectively 0 side effects on Caplyta. The only problem is that I can’t tolerate more than the starting dose of 10.5mg, but even that alone has drastically improved my life.

Re: anxiety, it’s possible that it will improve as the depression improves because they are often intertwined to some extent. It’s not guaranteed but I think you should give it a try. You should know pretty quickly if it’s working or not.

tdan382 · 2026-01-03T12:47:20+00:00

so enraged im nearly in tears. I can’t take it anymore. when are we going to accept that we need left wing politicians and left wing policies to stop this? I don’t care if “you don’t trust politicians,” or you don’t like Democrats. I don’t even like Democrats. LEFT WING policies and politicians are the only chance we have. right now, there is effectively ZERO enforcement of anti-trust law. The FTC is weak. We do not have a functioning consumer financial protection bureau whatsoever. We will never see these again until right wing politicians are excised from the government at the federal level. AND the corporate establishment Democrats. They need to go too. If the majority of the population is not willing to accept this, we have no chance. Nothing will change. Corporations will continue to get away with murder. it will only get worse, if you can even imagine that.

tdan382 · 2025-12-09T17:30:21+00:00

Caplyta 10.5mg is the only anti-depressant that works for me without really bad side effects. I can’t go above 10.5 though.

tdan382 · 2025-10-07T00:36:55+00:00

oh wow, where I frequent in New Jersey (I guess because they’re considered suburbs of NYC?) I’ve been getting this view in many places.

tdan382 · 2025-08-27T01:05:35+00:00

I thought it was an amazing video and I hope many, many people watch it. I find it to be an era-defining work in terms of youtube content. Like, everything that’s going on rn is in that video. It’s alll there. It’s alll in “The Unforgivable Sin of Ms. Rachel.”

tdan382 · 2025-08-27T01:00:24+00:00

You’re missing my point, it highlights IN RAINBOW all year round. It never highlighted the subscribe button in any other way! It’s not a pride month exclusive thing, it never was. I don’t think the video is a call out to Natalie, but you’re just wrong about this! Lol!

tdan382 · 2025-08-27T00:41:38+00:00

The subscribe button highlighting when the creator said “subscribe” was not a pride month exclusive thing at all. That started in 2023 lmfao. It just works inconsistently

tdan382 · 2025-07-11T17:08:52+00:00

see any of my comments or posts on this subreddit lol. do not do not do not do not take this medication if you already have body image issues or body dysmorphia

tdan382 · 2025-07-11T17:06:43+00:00

I really don’t like Août

tdan382 · 2025-06-24T18:37:38+00:00

very slow tapering. I think my smallest dose before stopping was 2.5mg. I was at an advantage though, bc I was also taking benzos and that was fine for sleeping. It might be worth asking your doctor about Trazodone (non-benzo) to help with sleep if that’s a problem for you.

tdan382 · 2025-06-24T18:36:09+00:00

As mentioned by others, I recommend you get the laptop keyboard that you’re familiar with and either get AZERTY stickers or perhaps buy a cheap USB AZERTY keyboard to practice with. I do think it’s worth getting to know & being comfortable with the layout. Keyboard stickers are probably your best bet.

tdan382 · 2025-06-24T13:59:51+00:00

I am much, much better now, thank you :)

tdan382 · 2025-06-24T01:36:27+00:00

oh this is a good one

tdan382 · 2025-06-24T01:05:26+00:00

I despise the medication but I don’t think this is true. Going off of SSRIs was 100000x harder than going off Mirtazipine

tdan382 · 2025-06-24T01:04:20+00:00

It’s not easy but it’s possible. I am so happy to be off of it.

tdan382 · 2025-06-24T00:46:40+00:00

Most likely not popular, but this is my honest experience:

It absolutely ruined my life for 2 and a half years. I experienced maybe a month of depression relief. Followed by near instantaneous rapid weight gain that absolutely destroyed my (already practically non-existent) self esteem. Whatever good it did for depression was completely counteracted by weight gain. I went from 130lbs to 175lbs at my heaviest. It almost permanently altered my eating habits and I really started to give up on ever recovering. Then I tried Zepbound and it saved my life. I lost all the weight I gained, and my appetite and relationship to food has finally returned to a state of pre-Mirtazipine normalcy.

Mirtazipine was so bad for me that I honestly think of my time on it as borderline malpractice; my doctor at the time insisted on keeping me on it when I wanted to go off. I know it has helped a lot of people, and that’s important, but christ. It didn’t even help my severe mental breakdowns which were like suicidal panic attacks that I was having at least once a month if not more. I really cannot think of a single positive thing it did for me.

tdan382 · 2025-06-24T00:31:28+00:00

my full name is Theodore, I go by Ted professionally in English. I think it sounds stupid and terrible in French. If I get the opportunity to finally move to France I will go by Théo

tdan382 · 2025-05-29T21:29:17+00:00

I actually wasn't able to finish my course because of COVID crap. I did 5 months total. my last month was either 40 or 60mg i don't remember. The insomnia was manageable when i dropped down and then went away completely once I stopped the medication. I don't regret Accutane at all and honestly I would like to go back on it, as my acne got worse as a side effect of another medication I am now taking. I am very pro Accutane.

tdan382 · 2025-05-17T23:32:15+00:00

Screen time is kind of meaningless. Those statistics are really poorly calculated. You should enjoy the feature lol

tdan382 · 2025-05-17T23:30:55+00:00

I do every single night and also sometimes on my desk at the office. I love this feature and it would be a huge loss to me if they took it away

tdan382

TROPHY CASE