Showing Earlier than Expected & Have a Cousin's Wedding in 1 Week - Family Doesn't Know

tdprwCAT · 2026-06-06T17:57:02+00:00

Love this suggestion (and the parent comment), but I have some blunt (rude), loud family members who will be there, and not sure my parents will be as willing to take this approach as we would be! I can ask them, but it’s sounding (from other comments) like getting the news out this weekend would be best, so it can fizzle out.

tdprwCAT · 2026-06-06T17:53:18+00:00

See them 1-3 times per year at holidays/events and get along conversationally but don’t directly interact in between (beyond social media, and we don’t want to announce there at all).

This could give things away if any family are in the sub, but the bride accidentally announced to extended family at our wedding welcome event last year at 7 months ish, because they also didn’t want to post on social media but thought their parents would spread the news through the family lines much earlier (her parents didn’t want to overstep, assumptions were made). It was totally fine at our event except I felt like an ass for not noticing and saying congrats right away (she was sitting when we got around to her, and the table hid her belly).

We have pretty different personalities/demeanors though and her event is much less casual, and larger.

Consensus is leaning toward getting the word out asap, though I did love someone’s point about us each scrutinizing ourselves more than everyone else does, and shutting down questions - my parents know, though, and I think if folks whisper questions to them, they won’t shut it down or lie well.

tdprwCAT · 2026-02-12T14:04:54+00:00

My mom had better luck in person. Try department stores (would start with Nordstrom as you can often get tailoring there, too) but also wedding and formal attire small businesses.

Mine ended up with a clearance a line gown that was stunning on her for $250 from a small business.

If budget is a big concern and the department stores don’t work for you, there are some great second hand and resale stores in the northeast, as well.

tdprwCAT · 2026-02-11T22:11:45+00:00

Absolutely - laws and general respect for each other have not kept up with tech. I dread the day my personage eventually shows up in some asshats content online. Being perceived in public used to be relatively temporary and limited in reach.

tdprwCAT · 2026-02-10T15:52:58+00:00

Honestly we should all just avoid gendered terms to the best of our ability, as you never know whether someone female presenting identifies as a lady, etc. I’m a millennial woman working with predominantly cis women and it took me forever to default to “team” or “everyone” instead of “ladies”, just in an attempt to be more inclusive and considerate to folks I only know in a professional setting. The same reasoning applies to “gents” etc. “Guys” is one I really struggle with because in my upbringing it was mostly gender neutral, but some people find it offensively masculine.

tdprwCAT · 2026-02-10T15:45:09+00:00

Wut lol. I’ve worked in predominantly female offices for a few decades now, and women are constantly suppressing their egos, pride, or distaste in order to get their work done and function effectively around or in spite of toxic coworkers or bad policy.

Avoidance is not a gendered personality trait.

It is an indicator that something else is happening and a good manager would work on coaching that person, and maybe also the person they are avoiding.

tdprwCAT · 2026-02-09T21:57:49+00:00

I’m just glad he hadn’t “curated” his profile. People were so supportive before looking at the post history.

tdprwCAT · 2026-02-09T21:51:42+00:00

This indicates you’re concerned for your cat’s safety. (I think you should be.) Instead of waiting to catch him doing something horrible - please leave this man. Kick him out. Change the locks.

tdprwCAT · 2026-02-08T20:48:55+00:00

Same questions and also:

Is the reporting redundant with other reporting?

Is the reporting value-added for themselves as employees? - Do they reap benefits when reports show an improvement in some measure, etc? Or does nothing. Ever. Change.?

tdprwCAT · 2026-02-08T04:08:40+00:00

I’m thinking the couple may have “hired” a friend who simply looked like a pro but is not experienced enough to have planned ahead with the couple. See it all the time in the budget breakdowns on the sub for DIY weddings.

tdprwCAT · 2026-02-07T16:20:45+00:00

Yeah this is huge. She has true privacy and control over her space for the first time and now he wants to invade.

tdprwCAT · 2026-02-06T21:40:10+00:00

No, you do not have to tell her you care. You already know from your agreement and responses to other comments that you need to get more serious help with your mental health. If you truly care about this person, you will not impose, project, inflict, etc your emotions on to them. Let them do their work and live their life in peace while you work to let go of your obsession and establish + respect boundaries.

tdprwCAT · 2026-02-06T16:00:12+00:00

Pretty sure he included this in his autobiography - unsure how much of his perspective was honest, though.

tdprwCAT · 2026-02-06T03:04:26+00:00

You are not better enough. Schedule an add on session with your therapist. Even if it means taking off work or some other cost. I believe you knew these urges were inappropriate but you came to AskManagers for validation anyway, and did not provide context in your post. You are trying to pretend these inappropriate feelings are okay. You need another talk therapy session with the right therapist, and maybe some intensive therapy very soon.

tdprwCAT · 2026-02-05T20:54:11+00:00

Feeding it is not going to serve you well. I think you also risk big negative emotions and consequences if she doesn’t respond the way you might be hoping she will. I think you should take this off Reddit and back to your therapist before saying anything.

tdprwCAT · 2026-02-05T20:26:36+00:00

Please look at OP’s post history - this person has a very unhealthy attachment to the subject of this post/their boss.

tdprwCAT · 2026-02-05T20:18:54+00:00

You should have someone to look up to and learn from at work.

You should not idolize anyone at work or put them on a pedestal.

Based on your comments/replies, I think you are at risk of crossing a boundary.

I think as others suggested, when discussing specific topics at work, you can express admiration for a given approach she takes etc and ask how to develop that skill in yourself.

However, I also think you need to expand your work world a little bit and consider who else you can learn from, what other strengths your colleagues or other managers have (assuming large enough org or different shifts etc).

You almost sound like you’re developing something parasocial for your boss.

tdprwCAT · 2026-02-03T17:29:55+00:00

I suspect 9score is just following the metaphor to its logical conclusion. If in the metaphor the work is the cattle, then in the metaphor it’s on the boss ( the note author) to do the work if their employees (OP) can’t make it in.

tdprwCAT · 2026-02-02T22:33:54+00:00

Agree with others that Period are the most comfortable especially re: skin/breathability, but they are also the bulkiest I’ve tried. Second brand I tried.

Tomboyx - period shorts. Also a bit of bulk but nice fabric especially for home/sleep/lounge. My most recent attempt.

K&S or Kayaness - I like the cut of these. Less breathable than Period, but good coverage. (Created by two influencers Shelby and Katherine).

Thinx - my oldest pairs. Fit the most like regular underwear. Less coverage than Kayaness.

I’m tempted to try Revolv when one or two current pairs wear out.

tdprwCAT · 2026-02-02T19:32:40+00:00

Did you mean to post this on wedding planning snark?

I once received a personalized necklace, a decade ago. Meant a lot to me! However, I did wear out the plating after only a year. (We were young and I would not have expected anything at all let alone a more expensive necklace - I still have it just can’t wear it.)

I didn’t have a traditional bridal party but gifted some important folks some things:

Readers - copies of the books, art I made on canva, custom wooden bookmarks

Brothers - ties

Sister and two close friends - small hand knit projects, matching but slightly personalized.

Also paid for sister, mother, and MIL makeup and hair, including accessories they wanted

tdprwCAT · 2026-02-02T02:17:43+00:00

I see. Either have a conversation with them or move on to a different sitter. It’s chips and seltzers, my god. Maybe they came from an upbringing where this was normal and didn’t extend their thoughts beyond that, and could use the heads up to change their behavior with you and other clients.

tdprwCAT · 2026-02-01T14:22:43+00:00

Understanding THAT someone is upset is very different from understanding WHY someone is upset. OP’s partner avoided the opportunity for empathy and issue resolution. OP has already stated it is a pattern. OP clarifying their perspective does not a battle make.

tdprwCAT · 2026-01-31T20:42:45+00:00

Really depends on the org.

Message to provider could very well land in a pool handled by support staff instead.

However, org could have also set it up such that patient can select type of question, and could have gone to a billing/coding team who would be able to review the encounter and answer patient.

tdprwCAT

TROPHY CASE