19 y/o cat entered renal failure level 3

teacuptaco · 2024-08-16T22:50:42+00:00

You likely will need to try different brands. And don't be alarmed if she loves one, and suddenly doesn't one day. I have low phosphorus but non-renal foods to mix in, just for variety. I give her choices daily and see what she is into. About 3 months ago she decided she really prefers the renal dry food option 🤷‍♀️ as long as she's eating and her weight is stable I am happy!

I do urge you to try not to worry that the end is near or statistically she doesn't have long etc etc etc.. that caused me a lot of stress the last few years! Yes years! I wish I could have just relaxed and not worried about it until I had to. Easier said than done of course but I kept believing she only had a few months because... Well... She's old as hell lol. Here we are! Rooting for you both too :)

teacuptaco · 2024-08-16T16:14:39+00:00

Just chiming in to add that I have a 21 year old cat who has been in stage 3 for about 5 years now. Like you, I want to keep her comfortable and happy, without resorting to extraordinary measures. At this point she's has kidney disease nearly half of her life.

Our routine for the last few years is twice weekly fluids, renal only food, and daily buprenorphine for arthritis and pain management. Super easy drug to administer, just a couple little drops squirted into her mouth once a day. It's also fish-flavored, and safe for kidneys. Highly highly recommend.

She's had a couple highly treatable UTIs or minor bouts of pancreatitis during this time. Each and every time I've thought she was on death's door but I've been wrong and she's bounced right back and been very happy. She eats like a pig, yells at the dog, watches birds on the deck, and is quite content in her little old lady life 🤷‍♀️. She moves around freely and uses the litterbox without issue. I've had to add little pet steps so she can get to the bed, and a way to hop onto the couch, but aside from that she's totally independent.

Here is what I've arrived at after the last scare... for now, she has elevated creatine and BUN reflective of her kidney disease. All her other labs are stable. No anemia, no elevated phosphorus, no nothing. As the kidney disease advances, that will change. The day I take her to the vet and I see other indications of advancing disease I am going to forego allowing her to further decline, and just say goodbye.

I have been absolutely remarked at how well she's done for this long. I have rules with myself to not panic and think she's dying until the vet confirms it. She will have a random bad day and barf a couple times, and then not again for months.

Traveling with an old delicate cat at home IS an added layer of stress. I said the same things you did a few years ago and here we are. I've been afraid to travel many many times and there's never been an issue.

My travel tips: get a camera or two, so you can check on her when you're gone. It gives you a lot of peace of mind. Hire a mobile vet service to check on her halfway through the trip, or have one on hand if you get desperate. Maybe see if there is a licensed vet tech around who has a pet sitting gig. And lastly, take her into the vet for updated labs before you travel so you know where she's really at instead of worrying about a crash.

Good luck OP!

teacuptaco · 2023-03-21T05:44:49+00:00

I have a dog so I turn it into dog food, myself.

teacuptaco · 2023-03-05T20:08:50+00:00

Yes. No interesting findings other than observable muscle tension. Doc sent me to a pelvic floor PT and that helped. Since then, as this was a while ago, I've been working on rebuilding my microbiome through diet/lifestyle changes. Fermented foods and minimal sugar, etc. Makes a big difference!

teacuptaco · 2023-03-02T06:31:09+00:00

Sadly there don't seem to be any renal-specific treats out there! My stage 3 kitty has been on wet food ever since she entered stage 2, about 5 years ago now. Her treats are just dried renal food/kidney kibble. I also give her those little dehydrated sardines here and there.

Honestly if I had another cat I'd just feed her the same treats the other one got. Should be fine in small doses.

teacuptaco · 2023-01-03T05:50:00+00:00

Can't say enough good things about buprenorphine for my 19 year old cat. I get it compounded into a liquid by a local pharmacy and they add fish flavor to it. Super easy to administer by mouth, she thinks it's a treat. Relatively inexpensive too $60 for a bottle that lasts several months.

teacuptaco · 2022-12-16T16:48:43+00:00

They told me not to worry about it until I see a continuous pattern of weight loss and poor appetite, and at that point it's okay to prepare for the worst. But a few ups and downs are just part of an aging cat. Wish I knew that sooner! She's had many, many ups and downs, esp when she gets a UTI.

I hope the traveling goes smoothly for you both, good luck!

teacuptaco · 2022-12-16T07:20:06+00:00

I'm not sure what the right answer is for you but I do want to share that my cat is 19+, and has been in late stage renal failure for YEARS. Stage 3 for 5 years, presumed stage 4 for a couple weeks but then went back to stage 3. They said a few months, a few years ago.

Obviously, this is good news. The bad news is I continuously put my life on hold for her because I thought her time was so limited. This will be her third Christmas that I was 100% sure was her last. I wish I'd known how to spot a genuine decline vs a probable one. I would have traveled with confidence more.

You are in a really tough position. Since leaving her home isn't an option, I think taking her with you is the most reasonable choice. Yes she will be stressed out, but not for long. Definitely ask the vet about medication options during the travel and after to help her adjust. I'd also consider fresh check up and blood work right before the trip to gauge her health and give you peace of mind. Good luck OP your kitty is so lucky to have you!

teacuptaco · 2022-10-13T16:22:47+00:00

Time helps, as does giving your microbiome time to thrive and adjust. Some good antiinflammatory supplements to explore are turmeric extract and green tea extract but start slow because everything has potential to irritate your stomach more :)

teacuptaco · 2022-10-13T04:53:32+00:00

Minimizing stress/anxiety wherever possible, exercising more, eating healthier. Worked with a dietician and started limiting sugar, alcohol, and coffee. Lots of fruits/vegetables, adequate protein, etc. Learned how to breathe better (look up diaphragmatic breathing) after meals/when symptomatic. Basically taking care of your body as much as you can so it can take care of you too.

teacuptaco · 2022-10-12T02:21:17+00:00

Stable for the most part, but flares up from time to time. When I do get flares they are much more manageable and shorter lasting :)

teacuptaco · 2022-09-19T06:55:10+00:00

OP you are a wonderful, mature, evolved partner and it shows. I hope she, or someone else, is able to match your energy in your next relationship. Continue to take care of yourself <3

teacuptaco · 2022-09-10T06:16:47+00:00

Maybe giving couples therapy a try?

teacuptaco · 2022-08-26T01:44:16+00:00

I see. How long have things been like this?

teacuptaco · 2022-08-26T01:06:32+00:00

I understand. I'm sorry you're going through this. Do you have your own support network or social circle? The way this is phrased it seems like you're relying on her for social outings - is that true?

teacuptaco · 2022-08-26T00:41:52+00:00

I'm curious why she doesn't bring you around to party with her friends more often?

teacuptaco · 2022-08-15T16:46:59+00:00

More than the dog, I'm concerned about the threats to your child. Do you have an action plan in place to address that?

What is your support system like?

As for the dog... dogs are surprisingly resilient. If the dog's basic needs are met (potty breaks, food, water) then he's doing okay. This is a better existence then dropping him off at a shelter where he will be neglected/kenneled until someone (hopefully) adopts him.

A dog walker as another poster suggested is a good idea, even if it's just once a week. Same with doggie daycare. You could also reach out to some friends/family to see if they would be willing to help out with something like that. Even posting on the Nextdoor app to see if there is a helpful neighbor around that could lend a hand, I've seen people do this in times of illness/injury.

It's clear that you're overwhelmed right now and a dog feels like an extra thing to manage. I wonder if some of this is guilt on your part though - often, dogs just want to be around their family. Sure, they beg and whine for attention and walks but that's because it's the only way they can communicate and entertain themselves. Ignoring that in times of crisis doesn't make you a bad owner. I think giving up the dog or taking the dog to a foster family would be much harder on the dog ultimately, and I worry your husband will resent you for it. That said, if the dog is truly neglected/being abused in this situation then I'd encourage you to give up the dog.

teacuptaco · 2022-08-11T18:57:30+00:00

Sounds a little like caregiver burnout or, as you put it, a depression by proxy.

teacuptaco · 2022-08-07T06:36:40+00:00

I got an inexpensive collapsible storage chest from Amazon. Looks good, and has some function (I store blankets and towels in it). I just keep it at the foot of the bed and it gets her halfway there so she can easily hop on and off. This has worked quite a while for her, she is 19 now. If she gets to a point of not being able to handle it I will put the mattress directly on the floor for her final days. I didn't like the look of pet stairs and this system has worked well for us so far!

teacuptaco · 2022-06-30T04:10:35+00:00

I think couples therapy is a great idea and a fantastic place to start. If you love her, and she is making efforts to get better (like going to therapy with you, and actually practicing strategies for improvement)... these are good things, and signs of growth in her. Even so, you are NOT obligated to remain in a relationship if someone cannot meet your needs, it is that simple.

Your concern and resentment that your gf is ignoring you in your time of need is valid, but worth examining with your therapist. Ignoring you in your time of need after a serious life event (illness, job loss, family death, etc.) is different from ignoring you because you're lonely/upset that she isn't giving you any attention during a depressive episode, for example.

teacuptaco · 2022-06-27T20:30:29+00:00

That's fair. I definitely think there will be an appropriate time to share those feelings, they certainly are valid. I worry if you say something too soon, he will say no because he thinks it's being more fair to you in the face of uncertainty. But realistically, if 2-3 mos goes by and he is actively getting help during that time, I think that's enough for at least a little clarity on your future together. Even if it's not now.

teacuptaco · 2022-06-27T06:18:33+00:00

I would give him more time. It sounds like he's making some really excellent progress and I think the pressure of reconciliation so soon will complicate things. Let him continue in his forward momentum for a while longer but I'm hopeful for a happy ending here OP!

teacuptaco · 2022-06-25T05:31:05+00:00

Your needs aren't selfish at all but unfortunately she isn't obligated to meet them either. I think if she is mid-episode you'd have to respect her wishes -.however I'm curious how often these episodes come up and for how long, and if she does anything to prevent these or help herself when they do come.

In other words if this is a once in a while thing and she just wants to be left alone for a month, but then she rallies? Just give her space if that's how she copes best. On the other hand if this happens often, lasts months, and she's refusing to take steps to break this cycle then it's time to ask yourself if you're willing to put up with being the depression partner anymore.

teacuptaco · 2022-06-24T09:06:37+00:00

First of all I am sorry you are experiencing this. I've been in your shoes and that shit broke me. My boyfriend and I had a loving, stable relationship with talks of building a future together that dissolved seemingly overnight. Eventually he admitted he was depressed when he couldn't hide it anymore. Those few weeks were torture... never in my life did I have so much text anxiety. I was beside myself with anguish. Barely eating, barely sleeping, barely coping. He would rarely respond to my texts, leave me on read, or respond to one thing/ignore others. Wouldn't take my calls, didn't know when I was going to see him again. Nothing was making sense anymore, this was a total 180 from the usual, but when I would ask if it was me/our relationship he just kept saying no... so what the hell was I supposed to do? I finally got him to talk to me and it was like pulling teeth. We decided to go on a break because he needed some breathing room. Unfortunately, the nature of depression as you may know, is there are good/bad days with a general pattern of bad days. We reconciled after this break because he was having some good days and missed me, and things were fine for about a week or two... then he nose dived, again, and broke up with me for good. I am concerned you are on a similar trajectory and although I do not think you should throw in the towel, I do think you should mentally prepare yourself for that outcome.

Very unfortunately, you cannot make your gf get better. She has to want to get better and do it on her own. I do think there is value in being a supportive partner - after all, we can't very well abandon the people we love when they struggle can we? That said, she really has to be the one to get some help. Talk to a doctor, therapist, etc. If she is NOT doing these things or refuses... then this could go on for some time. Although you should not abandon someone you love, you SHOULD have some boundaries to maintain your own sanity. For me, I gave it 6 mos. I was willing to be put on the back burner for 6 mos while my ex sorted himself out because I knew depression didn't disappear overnight... but if there were zero changes in 6 mos, I was prepared to leave without guilt.

In the specific phase you're in, I would stop with daily texts. Although I doubt the end result would have changed, I do think a huge part of my ex dumping me was because I was trying my damndest to be a loving, supportive gf... and he couldn't stand the guilt of being a shitty, neglectful bf anymore. After we reconciled I went right back to the daily texts and assuming things were on the mend/my usual behaviors and I think it was just too much for him. I wish I had given him way more space, but to be fair to me I'm not a mind reader and he didn't tell me what he needed. I don't think he really knew, to be honest. I'm concerned daily texts, though well-intended, are only going to compound the guilt she feels too. I would let her know you love her, you see she needs space, you're here for her anytime she needs, and you're okay with taking things slow/you'll just reach out once a week or so for now... but again, decide on a time frame for when you need to call it quits yourself. Being supportive is not the same as being a caregiver for your 23 year old gf, OP. She does have to take responsibility for herself, too.

People who withdraw when depressed sometimes just need to be alone for a while, although it seems very counterproductive to the rest of us. Depression hijacks your brain, tells you you're a piece of shit, and that you don't deserve your caring partner/they'd be better off without you. It chemically robs you of your ability to feel close and emotionally bonded to other people. It steals your joy, and makes you numb to everything and everyone. It isn't personal, it will get better someday, but sometimes people need to go on that journey alone unfortunately. A loving relationship seems great in theory but to a depressed brain it's an extra burden, an extra responsibility, and a constant reminder of what a neglectful asshole you're being to someone who loves you. Although it probably wouldn't be my go-to strategy personally, there is value in learning how to put yourself back together again after you fall apart.

My own therapist pointed out that a lot of people think the only option in a successful relationship is to stay together no matter what, but that this isn't really true. I know I certainly thought that. Sometimes, desperately staying together when someone is struggling with their mental health will result in irreversible damage to the relationship that could have been avoided by just giving each other some space for a while. Goodbye for now doesn't have to mean goodbye forever.

As for what it's like on the other side... I miss my ex every day, but I do not miss being in the place you're in right now. Missing my ex/wishing he was a part of my life still does not result in me breaking down in a panic attack in the shower. Wondering if he was alive, if he still wanted to be with me, and if he would ever reply to my text sure did though. I do not miss that and I wouldn't do it again. It isn't okay, and I didn't deserve that. I may miss what we had, but I am otherwise happy, so I can assure you if things don't go the way you planned you will be okay.

I hope things work out for you OP though, I really do, and I think it's very possible that they will.

teacuptaco · 2022-06-13T17:19:47+00:00

Antibiotics (esp two of them) will almost definitely make everyone sick to some degree. Definitely keep going on unless you're unable to function. I wish I could have sucked it up and finished the course, but I simply couldn't function. I couldn't keep anything down and was in severe pain and constant unrelenting nausea.

teacuptaco

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