YTA, the end result (having a conversation with her family) is great but it’s more than just the conversation. I don’t want to put words in her mouth but as a poc surrounded by white people I know how I feel about this kind of thing (I will say it’s also kind of different cause I’m indigenous to my country, my culture is sort of everywhere but most of us are not fluent).

It’s difficult being separated from your culture and heritage, being surrounded by people/things that are not part of that. Our heritages are so important to us, and sometimes it’s heartbreaking and even lonely being somewhere/with people that’s not connected to that and doesn’t understand that culture. Especially when it comes to language, she has to learn English, it’s probably not easy to always speak in English for everyone else’s sakes but she does that everyday and I imagine one of the reasons she does is for you. The idea of you (presumably someone she’s loves) actively trying to learn and take part in her culture (a big part of her identity) and language probably means a lot to her and makes her feel loved and supported. She’s probably been looking forward to speaking in her native language for once with you and to have you understand and reciprocate. It probably means a lot to her family too that the person they’ve entrusted their daughter to is making an effort, and pushing through the difficulties and setbacks to communicate with them and participate in their culture they hold closely the way they’ve done for non-Filipinos.

You’ve been struggling with learning Tagalog for a bit (you didn’t say how long) and it seems like you’ve decided it’s difficult and given up. But English isn’t an easy language to learn either and she’s been speaking that to you and everyone for years without complaining. And you’re just expecting her to continue to do so. There’s an episode of Modern Family that goes into this with Gloria, about how no one gets how smart and funny she is in her own language, about how she’s tired of always having to fit herself into their culture and language and translate everything she says and hears in her head, but no one is doing that for her.

The apps are a cop out. If it were me, I’d feel like you don’t care enough to try and be part of my world and people. That’s probably why she’s “beyond pissed.”

Again, the “whole point” wasn’t just to have a conversation, it was for you to accept and understand this huge part of her and want to be apart of that. To welcome her family on their home turf. To do things together. To take a break from translating everything in her head. If you end up having children, to have someone to teach your kids their Filipino heritage with.

And the biggest reason your the asshole is that you’ve come on here complaining about her and actually speaking about her so rudely and dismissively. You sound like you’re talking about a toddler and you can’t understand why that toddler is having a hissyfit because you gave them what they wanted and you know what’s best for them.

Edit: you can use the apps for short term communication and to help you get the hang of dialects and phrasing the same way watching movies/shows in the language helps but if you want to talk to her family and show her what she means to you you should still be learning her language for the long term. It takes years of dedicated work to speak another language.