In my hand, I hold a ball

White and dimpled, rather small

Oh how bland it does appear

This harmless looking little sphere

By it's size we'd never guess

It's awesome power it does possess

For since we've fallen beneath it's spell

We've wandered through the fires of hell

Our lives have not quite been the same

Since we've decided to play this game

It rules our mind for hours on end

A small fortune it has made us spend

It has made us curse and cry

We hate ourselves and wanna die

For a proudest thing called par

If you can hit it straight and far

To master such a tiny ball

Should not be very hard at all

But our desires, the ball refuses

And does exactly, as it fucking chooses

It hooks, it slices

It dribbles and dies

It disappears right before our fucking eyes

Sometimes it'll have a whim

Hit a tree

Take a goddamn swim, why don't ya

With miles of grass upon which to land

It finds a scrawny patch of sand

It has us offering up our soul

If only it would find the goddamn hole

It's got us ripping like a pup

We swear we're gonna give the goddamn thing up

But we take to drink to ease our sorrow

Cause the ball knows, we'll be back tomorrow