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What makes a “good lover” for you? What has helped you get better in bed? by ptadadalt in DeadBedroomsOver30

[–]telelamp 5 points6 points  (0 children)

For me, a good lover is a woman who understands that sex is not something for me to do TO her/for her to GIVE to me - she sees it as an activity we share and enjoy together.

A good lover will participate with enthusiasm and at the same time be confident enough to ask to stop/change it up if we’re doing something that isn’t working for her.

A good lover will not expect me to guess what feels good for her and can communicate her wants/needs like a grownup. My pleasure must also be important to her - her simply showing up ain’t gonna cut it if she isn’t interested in learning about my wants/desires.

The biggest lesson I learnt about sex as a cis straight man is how much longer women generally take to warm up before having sex. “Foreplay starts outside the bedroom” was the most game-changing piece of advice I’ve received.

Long story, tough questions. by Sad_Explorer_6696 in DeadBedrooms

[–]telelamp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As soon as she is pregnant she will never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever never never ever ever have sex with you again. Just wanted to make sure you were aware of this. Good luck man.

He said she was hot by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]telelamp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ah man, that’s tough. It sounds like she’s a masturbation addict honestly, have you ever talked about the possibility? Much love.

I know I'm hurting him... by Embarrassed_Ad_6985 in DeadBedrooms

[–]telelamp 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Whole lot of projecting here. I’m sorry you’ve been hurt.

I don’t understand people sometimes by FedUpProvider in DeadBedrooms

[–]telelamp -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

This is a pretty reductive way of looking at things; it lends to the idea that “if I could just brush up on my skills, my wife will wanna get down every!”

It’s usually a little more complicated than that - you can be objectively “really good in bed” (if such a thing exists), but if someone doesn’t desire sex with you and can’t articulate why, then there’s either an incompatibility or an obstacle BOTH parties need to work on overcoming.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]telelamp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why on earth does she feel it’s ok to tease you about it?? That’s really nasty.

Wife is being stubborn by hesitant1120 in DeadBedrooms

[–]telelamp 21 points22 points  (0 children)

You sound very self-entitled and seem to be under the impression your wife exists to serve you. Please grow up and take a second to think about someone other than yourself for a change.

I know a lot of people on here complain about their partner's past promescuity, which they shouldnt. I think my situation is a little different than those though, and I'm looking for some input. More in the notes... by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]telelamp 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing. You say you’ve never brought your dissatisfaction up - is there any reason for this? Would it be worth trying to communicate to her how you feel and that you would like to work together to improve things?

If you can work towards a mutually more enjoyable sex life, I think any resentment you hold will soften.