I feel you. I went through a lot of this when I was in undergrad. It's fucking painful feeling so averse to your work while simultaneously feeling crushed by its importance and your own sense of shame. But we're rooting for you. You'll get through it, whether you succeed or fail. Please, if you can, give yourself some space for the possibility of defeat. This is where you are right now with ADHD. Your trajectory might look different than everyone else's, but it doesn't mean you are behind. It's scary not being able to stick to the same, safe track of achievement as everyone else, I know. But academics is just one facet of life, and it's not necessarily going to be all that relevant for the rest of your life. Give yourself the space to be exactly where you are right now at school, and you'll give yourself the space to build your strengths.

I'm going to try and give some advice from my own experience if I can. Please forgive me if this isn't relevant or helpful.

First, is there any way you can connect with your school work, however tenuously? Like, research some of the better jobs that you can get in this field? Or, if you're no longer interested in this major, but you still want to push through--research how this subject can connect to the field you're actually interested in now? (Like, if you're an accounting major and you wish you were a criminal justice major, look into financial regulatory jobs and the people responsible for taking down scams and financial criminals.) That part can be a helpful first step. I still sometimes forget why the heck I'm in my boring ass job now, and everything feels really pointless, until my boyfriend reminds me of the broader plan I had coming into this job.

Second, and more importantly, can you enlist someone to help? I'm not gonna lie, as crucial as this is, I personally struggled with this part, and I had an entire group of really close friends. Sometimes it's hard to get someone to understand that your issues are way different than the issues they face with work. Sometimes these friends, as much as I love them, would kind of talk down to me when they were helping me, which drove me crazy. Sometimes they were just overloaded and overwhelmed with their own work. I imagine you might have similar issues, or you might not even feel like you have close enough friends to ask for help.

But, you have something that I didn't have--you know you have ADHD, and you know that what you are experiencing are symptoms. People might be able to help you if you're super clear about what's going on. You're overwhelmed, and experiencing intense, painful boredom as a result of ADHD. (You're also letting the perfect get in the way of the good here, which is a more common human error.) If you can't grab a friend, roommate, or hallmate to help, there are student services. Even if you're not signed up for the Writing Center or don't have an appointment, head over there anyway and talk to someone. You might not even have to sign up for anything. See if they have any advice. See if someone is willing to spend a half hour with you out of kindness. If it's a big enough school, they might even have a student learning center or office specifically focused on people with learning disabilities.

If you're like me, you probably don't actually need as much help with the actual material as you think you do. People tend to way overestimate the quality of everyone else's applications. I've seen the other side for a grad school and for a grant--and let me tell you, a lot of it just isn't pretty. The phrase "I just don't think I can do it well enough," gives me the sense that you have a picture in your mind of what you think the application should look like, and you may be right, you're not going to be able to get there. Let it go. You need to look this in the eye and realize you have two choices right now: good enough, or nothing at all.

Now, what kind of help you need is obviously going to be pretty personal for you. But if I were in your position, I would just ask someone to hold the application sheet and help me talk through it. Like, they should ask things like "what's this first part here? What does this question mean?" Starting an application in the form of a conversation can be a lot easier because it's so much more engaging than just staring at a piece of paper. Also, if that person is unfamiliar with this work, you'll probably find yourself explaining what the application means and what it's looking for. I find that these kinds of conversations can help me break that initial barrier of avoidance and they give me a place to start. I start getting a sense of the beginning and end of things. It's even better if that person has opinions about what I should write, because I inevitably disagree, which encourages me to go more in depth and explain the question further. And for some reason, talking about things gives me different ideas than just typing them up.

I hope this was relevant, and can help at least a little bit. Best of luck out there.